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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 20 September 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 20 September 2020
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Her side of the story:

Her side of the story:
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it.
The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn’t really sure.
So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn’t know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn’t say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex.
But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else???
His side of the story:
My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though.
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Your accountants letter of res

Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.
You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.
Your suggestion box starts ticking.
Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.
You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.
They pay your wages out of petty cash.
You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you've ever had.
You tell the barber what you think about his prices before you get your haircut.
Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of the vacation budget.
The simple instructions enclosed aren't.
A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.
You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife.
The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.
Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.
The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.
The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Dog at the Park

I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him...
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A bit apprehensive...

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.

"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.

He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."

I asked, "What's the difference?"

He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 October 2017
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

 Knock Knock Collection 144


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ozzie!
Ozzie who?
Ozzie you later!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pablo!
Pablo who?
Pablo your horn!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pammy!
Pammy who?
Pammy the key, the door is locked!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Paris!
Paris who?
Paris the thought!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Parton!
Parton who?
Parton my French!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 11 August 2015
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

Anthony Jeselnik: Gift for Who?

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me. And I said, If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 September 2010
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (43)

Calculate the number 4059

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 4059 using numbers [7, 9, 5, 2, 32, 250] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Jeff Dunham: Sissy-ness of the Law

Walter: I aint afraid of the cops around Santa Ana. You seen some of these guys? What, cops on bicycles? How intimidating is this: Alright buddy, pull it over. Ching-ching-ching? What do they do when they arrest somebody? Alright, get in the basket.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 September 2011
  • Currently 6.41/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (34)

Little Emily was complaining t...

Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it." The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 September 2010
  • Currently 6.72/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (32)

Dark

Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.

One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.

One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."

The other says, "I just wish it were dark."

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Yisman

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 September 2009
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (30)

Yo Mama so old...

Yo Mama so old her social security # is 1.

#joke #short #yomama
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 September 2011
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (24)

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