Dear All

I guess you must have been wondering what I've been up to...just vanishing like that. But I told me brother Dave to make no mention of me whereabouts before I got myself settled. So here I am...but settled I'm not. Wanderin' the good ol' US of A with nothin' for company but my e-mail address and a couple of Jackie Collins. Still, that's no reason why we can't keep in touch eh?

I'll tell you one thing about Americans though...they don't half know how to eat! I should've worked it out watching Oprah. Trust me, you check out the audience on an American chat show and its like looking at a load of the "Befores" in a "Before And After" dieting advert. Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad about having a bit of meat on your bones...but out here it's just getting silly. I suppose that's Americans for you. We Brits can tuck away the drink, the Yanks tuck away the food...

Anyway, I'll write again soon...but please stay in touch 'cos I don't half miss the British sense of humour. Okay?