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Msting by Eric Schepers and Paladin La De Da
schepps@hotmail.com pldd@hotmail.com
________________________________________________________________________________
<SOL>
<Mike and Tom are in the middle of a chess game and Crow is dressed in a gaudy
sports coat.>
Crow:  <cheesy announcer>Hi, welcome to the Satelite of Love.  My name is
       Crow and I'll be your hostess this evening....
Mike:  <impatient>Get on with it Crow.
Crow:  Ahem, today is the First Annual Satelite of Love Chess Tournament.
       What you are seeing now is the final bout in a two game battle.
Tom:  <stage whisper to Mike>  Now you know why chess isn't a spectator sport.
Mike:  <snicker>
Crow:  The first round of play was Crow versus Tom.  Cambot if you would please
       show the clip.
<Cambot pushes a button and we see a monitor light up.  Crow and Tom are
seated on opposite sides of a chess board.  Crow is obviously losing.>

Tom:  Check!
Crow:  <concentrating then makes a move>  Ummmmm......here!  Hahaha, what a
       splendid move I made.  You'll never beat me now!<manic laugh>
Tom:  <thinking then makes a move>Checkmate!  <smashes Crow with a huge mallet>

<end clip>
Crow:  Not that clip!  Play the one where I won!
Gypsy:  But Crow, that wouldn't be right.
Crow:  <muttering>
Mike:  Well since Crow's gonna be like that for a while, I'm just going to say
       the last match is between me and Tom.
<Alarms>
Mike:  Uh, oh.  Bobby Fisher's calling.
Tom:  Where is he?
Crow:  I don't know, I don't know.
Mike:  Let's see who get's that one.

<Deep 13>
Dr. F:  Greetings Kasparov, are you ready to admit defeat?

<SOL>
Mike:  Not yet doc, in fact I was just going to beat Tom at chess.
Tom:  <muttering>  Little do you know, I've been taking tips from Big Blue...

<Deep 13>
Dr. F:  Yes yes, very fascinating.  Now guess what I have here.

<SOL>
Crow:  Tickets to a John Tesh concert?

<Deep 13>
Dr. F:  No, I'm not that depraved.

<On SOL we hear sighs of relief>

<Deep 13>
Dr. F:  Don't tempt me.  Actually this is today's fanfic, 13field.txt.  I've
        read it and I don't even know what it's about, but it should serve my
        purpose.  Toodle loo. <pushes the button>

<SOL>
All:  MOVIE SIGN!!

*..2..3..4..5..6

<The general chaos ensues until Crow, Mike, and Tom file into the theater and
sit.>

Crow:  Why do we do that everytime we're about to see a movie?
Mike:  Damn writers.
                    

>1¾>by Cory McCasland

Tom:  Boy Meets World?
Crow:  I'd rather see Boy Meets Wall.

>Standard disclaimer: Doctor, TARDIS are copyright of the BBC. Used without
>malicious intent.

Mike:  Ha.
Tom:  What the hell is TARDIS?

>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>    The console room lay in ruins.

Crow:  Damn frat parties.

>    Paper's strewn about. A hat stand smashed beyond repair. The chameleon
>circuit breaker's still giving the occasional spark.

Mike:  A writer stoned out his mind.
Crow:  A fanfic that crashed and burned.
Tom:  All these and more As The World Turns.

>                                                       And the ionic column,
>as still and lifeless as the TARDIS's occupant.
>
>    The Doctor had been dead for thirty minutes.

Crow:  He's not really dead he's just drunk!

>    But his mind had not yet followed his bodie's lead.

Tom:  <mind>  Next time I lead!  Look at this mess....
    
>    The first thing that crossed his mind was green. Green all around him.

Mike:  He was lying in a pile of money?
Crow:  One of my life's fantasies.

>    Then he realised he should try standing up.

All:  DUH!

>    Now it was all clear to him. The lush, green field's. The bright blue
>sky.The small creek in the distance.He was in the space in his mind where his
>past selves rested. But that could mean only one thing.
>    She *had* killed him.
>    He ran to the creek.

Mike:  Don't worry folks, he's just dry heaving.

>      Had he already regenerated? Or was the wound fatal? He knelt down,
>hoping for the answer.
>    And saw nothing.
>    "Of course there's nothing there," a familiar voice said . "You haven't
>EARNED the chance to regenerate."

Tom:  Yeah well....HUH?

>    Looking up, he wondered how he could have missed that loud-looking. With
a coat like that, no wonder Mr. Blackwell gagged everytime he had seen him in
>that incarnation.

Crow:  That crazy fashion critic is at it again!
Mike:  He could have said that he didn't like it.

>    The man adressing him wore a patchwork coat, and was grinning like a
>chesire cat.

Mike:  <Man>  You should see what I did to your hair while you where out!

>   "I should at least have kept my previous appearence. And what do you mean
I haven't 'earned' a regeneration?" His voice was oddly flat, like he was a
shadow of his previous self.
>    "You are. But so was I. Follow me, and see if you're willing to accept
the truth."

Tom:  You can't handle the truth!

>    The journey was amazingly quick. He wished he could fast forward like
>this all time. Especially when *he* was talking.

Crow:  The doctor was a very selfish man...

>    Not that he had said much during their trip. Odd, considering how
>outspoken he was during that time.
>   "We're here."

Mike:  <motherly> Put on your shoes hun.

>                 A long slab floated in mid-air. A long, gaunt figure lay
>   across it. His hands were draped across his chest, though his right hand
>   seemed to sink into his chest where his left heart should be.

All: <singing>  I left my heart in San Francisco!

>     "Go on. Take the first the step.", his past persona urged.

Crow:  And it started out so well too.
Mike:  No it didn't....

>   After a few short steps, he could fully gaze upon his most recent self.
>His face seemed content, his soul at ease. "I don't think I've ever been that
>peaceful since..."
>   "Since our seventh transistion?", a voice with a quiet Scottish burr said
>beside him.

Tom:  <Scotty> I canna keep it up, Captain!  The fanfic canna take the stress!

>            Time's former Champion was dressed as he had been at the end, in
>the red velvet suit that was the only clothing he could find after his
>Cousins ransacked the TARDIS. The old girl had been so offended she changed
>her internal structure out of disgust.

>Crow:  I think we came in the middle of the story.
>Mike:  Good, then it's half over.

>   "I don't think it was *that* rough last time around," he replied as he
>faced himself. What did he look like?

>Tom:  If you would open your eyes...

>   "Don't worry. It's not *that* bad. But that's not what we're here for,"
>his former self said as he walked over to a nearby tree and pulled an apple
>down from from a branch.

Crow:  <old lady>  Get away from my tree, thief!

>   "The what are we here for? If you're all going to condemn me, then get it
>over with!"
>   "Tsk, tsk. That's the sort of attitude that got you into this predicament.
>Take a bite of this, and your questions will be answered."
>   "I hate symbolism, even if it is appropriate," he muttered as he took a
>small nip of the forbidden fruit.

Mike:  He suddenly doubled over as the poison did it's work....
Crow:  <old lady> That one was for Snow White.

>    The next few moments were a blur. He saw himself as he had just begun his
>previous life, having just shaken off his more feminine incarnation. The
>darkness had yet to engulf him,as he admired his blonde coif and neatly
>trimmed beard.

Crow:  Oooh....
Mike:  Pervert!

>    Their first meeting. He needed someone who wouldn't question him. And she
>was willing to do anything so long as she had access to his labortories.

Crow:  If you know what I mean!  <wink>

>                                                                         That
>should have been a warning in itself.
>    And then there was man calling himself Justice's Champion. The one he had
>met before, in his regained youth, and would meet again, in the twilight of
>his current existence. The dark hair, the vertical slant of hair on his chin.
>The look of pure hate when he saw her.

Mike:  The cut of her gib.
Tom:  The glint in her eyes.
Crow:  The size of her....
Mike:  Crow....

>    And the realisation he had given him of what he had become.
>   Their final confrontation. His horror at what she had created in his own
>home. His sadness as he realised he had encouraged this endeavor. And his
>terror as she robbed him of his life.
>   Now he knew.
>   He was bent over,

Mike:  As the knife penetrated his abdomen.

>                     sobbing in his remembrance. A hand was patting him on
>his right shoulder.
>   "Now, my dear boy. It's nothing to cry over."

Crow:  <sobbing>  Yes it is!
Tom:  <motherly>  It's okay, dear.  Just put your head between your legs and
      scream.

>   He stood up, and saw himself in those clear, blue eyes. Those eyes that
>still held the awe and wonder that had been the true reason he left the ruins
>of his life on Gallifrey. The eyes that contrasted that bodies' great age.
>"But isn't it? I nearly became what we have strived to avoid since the
trial."

Mike:  Next on People's Court.

>   "But you've seen the mistakes that lead you onto that path, hmm? You tried
>to atone for them. And it was our once and future apprentice that showed you,
>wasn't it?"
>   "What does that have to do with this?"

Mike:  Yeah!

>   "Everything, my boy! Everything! The very fact that he was there to show
>us our error proves that we will avoid the dark path for the forseeable
>future!", his original self chided him.

Tom:  <present doctor?>I'm a bad boy!

>   "And that talk of earning the next regeneration?"

Mike:  <doctor?>I was just playing with you!

>   "Just a little turn of phrase to ensure you've learned from our mistakes.
>And it worked pretty well, didn't it?"

Crow:  Now if only the writer would learn from this....

>   "I suppose. Now what?"
>   "Now, you must embark on what may be our final journey," his 'older' self
>said as he lead him toward a blinding light. "And don't worry about that talk
>of 'your twelth and final incarnations'.

Tom:  I'm missing something here....
Mike:  Like a logical chain of events?

>                                          After all, you know how often we've
>been wrong"

Crow:  I'm guessing that's they've been wrong a lot.

>   As he stepped toward the light, he couldn't help but wonder what he meant
>when he said what *might* be our final journey...

Tom:  <future doctor>  You're going to die.  Bye!

>   He opened his eyes, and immediatly wish he hadn't. Even on the floor, he
>knew the console room was a mess. "And she was always chiding me on MY
>temper," he complained aloud as he picked himself off the floor. Looking down
>at his blood stained purple coat, he groaned. "And this actually did look
>good on me!"

Crow:  <doctor> Now I'll have to wear the green one.

>              As he walked by a cabinet door mirror, he couldn't help but see
>what horror he had inflicted upon himself. As he began to size himself up in
>the mirror, he suddenly wished he hadn't. "Oh no, anything but *that*!"

All:  ANYTHING BUT WHAT?!?!

>  THE END had been at the end, in the red velvet suit that was the only
>clothing he could find after his Cousins Arial>predicament. Take a bite of this, and your questions will be answered."
>   "I hate sym

Mike:  Is that it?
Crow:  <scratching head> What the heck was that?
Tom:  <awed>  I have seen the face of God!
Crow:  So did I, except he had a big grin on his face and was pelting me with
fake vomit.

<exit>
*..2..3..4..5..6

Crow:  We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

<Mike and Tom sit down and begin to play.  Tom pushes the chess pieces around
by using a ruler he's holding in his mouth.>
<alarms>
Crow:  Mike, the MADS are calling!

<Deep 13>
Dr. F:  What's going on up there?

<SOL>
Mike:  Sorry doc, I think it quit on us.
Crow:  <under breath>  Thank god.

<Deep 13>
Dr. F:  Really?  That's too bad....for you!  Now you're going to have to read
another fanfic.  It's sad really.

<SOL>
<alarms>
All:  We got Movie Sign!!

*..2..3..4..5..6

>The Day the Doctor Died - by Tyler Dion

Crow:  The Day the Earth Twitched.

>     The small man tumbled through the void. The empty nothing-ness was
funnel shaped and colored the hues of psychedelic drugs.

Crow:  <Cheech>  Thanks for the LSD man!
Mike:  Settle down.

>                                                    The vortex was empty
aside from him, but teemed with thousands of voices, all screaming, crying,
demanding acknowledgement, all deafening in their intensity as they all
threatened to drive him mad.

Tom:  <small man>  Hey, I'm trying to have a scene here!

>     A true Cockney accent, "'alf a pound a pence, guv!"

Mike:  <small man>  Sorry I only have a full pound a pence.

>     The voice of a young woman, frightened, "Doctor, he's dead!"
>     A voice derisive and hardened by madness, "You're too late, Doctor!"
>     A voice solemn and stately, "I think, therefore I am."

Tom:  I mock, therefore I'm spam.

>     The last statement made him smile sadly. That was all he had left to
him, thought.  His time in life was over, but he yearned to go back, he had
too much left to do! Evils to be vanquished, planets to be saved, tea to be
drank!

Crow:  Women to....well nevermind.

>     So much to do and every chance gone thanks to his own carelessness. Oh
well, there was still his replacement, there was always a replacement, but it
wouldn't be the same, who would champion Time?

Mike:  Ok, here's what you do....

>                                    Who would make the hard decisions his
>predecessors had refused to make?

Tom:  I do not care.

>     A light appeared in the distance and the small man swiftly fell towards
>it. The light grew larger as he neared and the man was reminded of something
>he heard once, "The light at the end of the tunnel is that of an oncoming
>train."

All:  <train noises>

>         The thought angered him, often he had been in the driver's cab,
>bearing down on his enemies. But this time he had been caught in the
>headlights like a deer and gunned down by gang fire.

All:  Whooohooo!

>     He fell into the epicenter of the light and it grew to an intolerable
>brightness, blinding him. A quick rush of searing air and he landed with a
>thump in reality.
>     The small man looked around and found himself in a bed of roses in a
>large, well-trimmed garden. An elderly man with shoulder-length silver hair
>rushed over to him, beckoning as he went. "Come, come, my boy! Get out of the
>flowers, I just planted them!"

Mike:  <small man>  Is this Starfleet Academy?

>     He climbed out of the bed, trying to avoid crushing anymore of the
>blooms. He stood, brushed off his tweed jacket and straightened his vest.
>     "So my boy," the old man looked him over. "You've returned. This time to
>stay, I take it?"

Crow:  <small man>  Mommy said I shouldn't talk to figments of my imagination.

>     "You know perfectly well I'm here to stay," the small man snapped, his
>Scottish burr becoming apparent in his irritated voice.

Tom:  Oh, he's a Scotsman is he?

>     "And how did it happen, my boy?" the old man inquired as he grasped the
>lapels of his Edwardian frock coat. "Nothing like how you pushed that poor
>young fellow out and took your turn early, hmm?"

Mike:  <small man>  He jumped out of that window!
Crow:  <Bart Simpson>  I wished him well!  I wished him well!

>     "All you need to know is that I'm here for the remainder of Time," the
>small man said tensely, the rolling of his r's betraying his irritation at
>being trapped with himself six times over.

Tom:  So when he get's pissed he talks in another language?

>                                            "My time in the universe outside
>has ended and now I'm here with the rest of me."
>     "Yes, the rest of us. You know, things always get more interesting when
>another moves in," the elderly man said, his enjoyment of the Scottish-sounding
>man's irritation apparent. "I must compliment you though. You had quite a few
>productive centuries though, I can't say I approve with your choices though.
>Still, to champion someone like Time and last so long in the job! Well, well,
>it's really quite amazing." The old man chuckled to himself.

Crow:  <old man>  I remember this story Time told me once...He's a party
       animal!

>     "Those days were left far behind when regeneration occurred and I came
>here," the short man said, as if daring his counter-part to say otherwise.
>"But now I'm here. And what will I do for an eternity?" He sounded almost
>lost.

Tom:  Please note the "You are here signs" in order to avoid becoming lost.

>     "Come, come," the old man chuckled. "You'll find something. There's
>plenty of good company, six of us in fact - so there will always be someone
>to argue with-and everything we've done is here, you'll find something. This
>is the time when you enjoy everything you fleetingly passed before. Let our
>new self take care of things, he's already off and running. He'd already
>saved Earth while you took your time on the way in."

Mike:  Well that's nice-WHAT?!

>     The younger looking, but far older of the two shrugged and sighed. "I
>suppose I'll find a way, I always have, haven't I?"
>     The elderly man said,

Tom:  <old man>  Man I was such a dweeb.

                            "Yes, we always have. Come on, that young fellow
>is hosting a cricket invitational."
>     The two Doctors walked off into the distance of the landscape that
>hosted the essences of the past Doctors in the mind of their successor, the
>Doctor.

Mike:  Again with the doctors?
Crow:  Is this the sequel?  or the prequel?
Tom:  Who cares, it's over.

*..2..3..4..5..6

<SOL>
Crow:  <cheesy announcer>Welcome back to the First Annual Satelite of Love
       Chess Tournament.  The final game is under way, and it's been really
       tense.
Mike:  Crow?
Crow:  Yes?
Mike:  Me and Tom finished while you were yakking it up.
Crow:  WHAT?! WHO WON?!
Tom:  I don't think we should tell him, do you Mike?
Mike:  Nah.
Crow:  <muttering darkly>
<alarms>
Mike:  Uh, oh.  The MADS are calling.

<Deep 13>
Dr. F:  I see you finished up your little match.  Who won?

<SOL>
<Mike and Tom look at Crow, then back to the hexfield>
Mike:  We are not cleared to divulge that information at the moment sir.

<Deep 13>
Dr. F:  It's not a good idea to keep secrets from me Nelson!  I'll find out
        soon enough!

<SOL>
Mike:  Push the button Doctor.

<click>


________________________________________________________________________________

Well there it is, my first MSTing.  If anybody knows what the hell happened,
drop me a line, okay?  Oh, yeah don't take it personally and don't sue me either.

--Looking down at his blood stained purple coat, he groaned. "And this
actually did look good on me!"--

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc.  All rights reserved.

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