The Top 10 Ways to Hassle the IRS
The following list of "tips" on thwarting, annoying and generally badgering workers at IRS processing offers was delivered anonymously to the ParaScope mailbox. The author, who claims to have worked in an IRS mail room, offers the following suggestions for annoying, aggravating or otherwise f***ing with the IRS. Note: These agitation methods are presented FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. Use at your own risk and discretion.
That said, here are the top 10 ways to hassle the IRS with relative impunity:
1. Always put staples in the right-hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take out any staples in the right side.
2. Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way. Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all your staples, rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the left side).
3. Line the bottom of your envelope with glue and let it dry before you put in your forms, so that the automated opener doesn't open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.
4. If you're very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, use a two- or three-party check.
5. On top of paying with a three-party check, pay one of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and fill out many nasty forms.
6. Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to be read and stamped, regardless of what it is about.
7. Write your letter on something misshapen and unconventional. Like on the back of a grocery sack.
8. When you mail your return, mail it in a big envelope (even if it's just a single form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently than regular business-sized ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take priority over other mail, forcing them to hurry up and deal with your mess first.
9. Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners have to be removed and put away.
10. Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to be verified and then date stamped.