I have a new space. It has books, and toys, and bears, and fish, and hedgehogs, and frogs, and dinosaurs. It does not have any furry cats, because the cat that would be most welcome to stay lives in Duluth, but it has cats of the non-furry variety, that dance in air currents. Someday, everything in it will be destroyed in a great earthquake. The bears act unafraid, but their dreams are not peaceful.


My story, for your consumption:

I was born in Richmond, California. I grew up in a blue house in El Sobrante. I went to Catholic school. My mother drove a yellow Rabbit. Both my mother and father worked at Safeway. My mother was a check-out clerk. My father was an assistant manager. My father bought a gas station. He bought real estate. He sold real estate. He made some money. He bought a dairy farm in rural Minnesota. The family moved.

I experienced culture shock. I woke up at five in the morning to milk cows. I shoveled shit. I saved the money I earned from baling hay. I bought a computer and did freelance programming. I drank a lot. I read Vonnegut. I read Kafka. I read Joyce. I read Coleridge. I read Baudelaire. I listened to Love And Rockets and The Smiths. I attempted suicide. I lived with friends for a while. I tried to kill myself again. I was committed to a mental institution. I was released.

I went to college. I lived with Matt. I tripped for the first time. I spent time in jail. I married Victoria. I worked full time as an overnight parking attendant. I bought lots of things. I took classes from Joe Austin. I read Stuart Hall and Dick Hebdige. I read Lyotard. I read Baudrillard. I got divorced. I wrote a comic strip. I met Andra. I fell in love with Andra. Truly. I took courses from Liz McLemore. I read Derrida. I took courses from John Mowitt. I read Deleuze. Andra and I put together the Procter & Gamble Coloring Book. I took courses from Jochen Schulte-Sasse. I wrote the last chapter to a Harlequin romance. I read Zizek. I read Lacan. I read Hegel. I read Freud. I started work on Kid A In Alphabet Land. Everyone thought I was crazy, except for Andra. Andra and I started writing Rats To Cats! We bought Chester so Andra could use him as a model to draw the cats. My brother, Mark, moved in with me. My father hanged himself. I worked as a system administrator at the Center for the Development of Technological Leadership. I collected comic books, trading cards, children's books, and toys. Andra left for graduate school. Mark moved out to live on the streets. I lived with Ben. I started work on When There Were No More Stories. After a year of work, I finished Kid A In Alphabet Land. Arthur Kroker called, and said it was brilliant. Andra died. I hurt. I still hurt.

I lived with Michelle. I spent time with T. Jay. I wrote Two Solitudes. Jeff Curtis started work on completing Andra's unfinished illustrations for Rats To Cats! After six years, I completed my degree in cultural studies. I took a job editing content at the Star Tribune Online. I agreed to write Lacan for Beginners for Readers and Writers. I wrote one chapter. I signed a contract to write a book about the Web for Addison-Wesley with Eric Tilton and Tyler Jones as co-authors. I moved to San Francisco to work as the production director at HotWired. I became close friends with Sean. I signed a contract to write another book for Addison-Wesley, Providing Internet Services via the Mac OS, with Jason Snell. I finished my first book. I started Suck with Joey Anuff. Jeff finished the illustrations to Rats To Cats!. I finished my second book.

Joey and I began working on Suck full time. We brought in additional Sucksters - Heather, Ana, Matt, Sean, Terry, T. Jay, and Owen. Suck saw versions 2.0 and 3.0. Matt left for The Site; Sean is now (as he was previously) a manager in HotWired's engineering department; I began working on HotWired's next-generation search engine; Joey is now working in HotWired marketing. I launched Placing. We spun off net.moguls as the Rhoda to Suck's Mary Tyler Moore.

I still miss Andra.

I believe in projects. Projects should never be too big. Big ideas and big dreams lead to big problems. Many of the projects that I've worked on that are available in electronic form are listed on Freedonia.


(Hail Freedonia!)

Carl Steadman
355 Bryant Street #106
San Francisco CA 94107