hosted by the glorious Unreal
what People Are Saying!
The site was dead for a few days there due to some mix-up. The
rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
We will be having ANOTHER catscan contest shortly! I have enlisted
assistance to help with the flood of entries, and we'll soon be able to
raise some more cat-hell. Keep your eyes peeled on this page for updates
TONS more Hatemail posted!
Third place goes to...
by Cayce Bean
True, there is smearing, true, there isn't much there, but the
blindfold, open mouth, and patterns in the fur make this a sure bet. If
someone could get a full body shot like this with the blindfold, they'd
be a god.
Second place goes to...
By Alan Coughlin
Nearly full body. Priceless facial expression. Weird colours. (thank
you everyone who emailed me about this being a 3 pass scanner) This pic
should be framed and put on display for the world to see!!!
And the winner
of the CAT SCAN CONTEST is...
Kyle has kicked everyone else's asses singlehandedly. Although
these are not complete body scans, he wins on originality and clarity.
The expressions on the cats faces are priceless as well.
I'll be contacting the winners in the next week (when I have time)
so sit tight.
Thanks for entering.
CONTEST IS CLOSED
The CAT SCAN CONTEST is officially closed. NO MORE
Get your entries in! I'll try to post the final pages
of entries in the next couple of days. I will be posting the winner on
or around the 15th of this month, possibly at the BEATDOWN
BTW, I Updated Awards and Press,
as well as the HATE MAIL in feedback. Enjoy.
P.S. Thanks for all the support. I really get a ton
of positive feedback, I just don't have time to reply to many. I do have
to work and eat, you know. Another thing- THE WORLD NEEDS TO GET THE
HELL BACK TO WORK. I don't know how many of you goons have emailed
me saying "hee hee, I have to hide my laughter from my co-workers!" Shouldn't
you be working instead of looking at stupid shit like this? Hmmmmm? ;-)
Update: I scanned
Alas, the hate mail keeps pouring
in (as well as praises, but I don't get any sympathy for those, so I may
as well milk it) so I decided to put myself to the test. Here is proof
that Scanning doesn't kill you.
Hmm...I kind of look like a fucking psycho.
Does this cat look terrified of the scanner?
Further proof that the scanner does not terrify or
harm the cat. Look at Tango here. Does he look scared of the device he
is plopped upon?
For Immediate Release
Wednesday, July 15th, 1998
Cliff Bleszinski announced today that he will be hosting
a "Cat Scan" contest! This contest will feature cat-loving owners
across the world holding their felines on their flatbed scanners in the
name of ART. The rules are as follows:
1. If the cat
looks like it is in serious pain, if you have to hurt the cat to scan it,
your entry will not be allowed. I love cats, I just believe that a scanned
cat is hilarious.
2. All entries
must be recieved by August 10th, 1998.
3. All entries
become property of Cliff Bleszinski and can be posted on this webpage without
prior written consent.
4. All entries
must be JPG format, no larger than 384x384 pixels.
The best cat scan will recieve a Care Package courtesy
of Cliff, which will include a free, signed copy of Unreal, a signed Unreal
T shirt, an Unreal Hat, and any other junk Cliff has laying around his
house that he's looking to get rid of. Expect pizza crust and beer bottle
caps as well.
Entrances will be judged in several categories:
the cat's squashed hair make an interesting pattern?
KEEP THE FUCKING LIGHT OUT OF THE CAT'S EYES.
Here are two examples of good quality Cat Scans.
the cat- Is this an attractive feline, or a fat, dirty old bag of fleas?
the cat's squashed body look like a pear, or a pile of dough?
Can you see the cat's face? What about his paws?
Did the cat squirm much during the scan? Squirm-free, full-body scans will
have a better chance of victory.
Cliff Bleszinski has been around since 1975 and has only
loved cats for the past five years. Prior to that he was well known for
being a twisted bastard who enjoyed setting fires and melting stuff.
(c) 1998 Cliff Bleszinski. Blah blah blah legal legal
lawyers sue blah sue blah