Welcome to:

The Unofficial Phlebotomy Home Page

Today we will discuss the proper technique of sucking the lifeblood out of another human being.  Hang on, and don't forget your tourniquet!

A NOTE OF WARNING:  PLEASE OBSERVE UNIVERSAL PRECAUTIONS AT ALL TIMES.  THANK YOU.

What is phlebotomy?

Webster's defines phlebotomy as:

phle bot o my \fli-'bät-eh-mee\ n : the letting of blood in the treatment of disease : VENESECTION

Hence:

Want instructions on how to perform your own phlebotomy proceedure?

or...

Learn how to donate blood through The American Red Cross.  While I have donated in the past and will continue to donate in the future, others have brought to my attention a differing point of view on the subject of blood donations and transfusions.

Your Ad Could Be Here!

A FEW OF MY
FAVORITE PHLEBOTOMY THINGS:

A FEW OF MY
LEAST FAVORITE THINGS:

25 gauge butterflies - What an invention! Vinyl gloves
Large veins Whiny kids... "Mommy I don't want this!"
Emergency room nurses drawing their own lab specimens People who think they're amusing by calling me a vampire
People who can't find humor in this page

A bad medical laboratory joke:

What do you say to a lab tech who just got promoted?

Coagulations!  (Obligatory groan)

Top 10 phlebotomist pick up lines:

10. This won't hurt a bit.
9. My, you have nice veins.
8. This tape is good for more than just wrapping bandages.
7. This shirt is too tight.  I think you'll need to remove it, Ms. Bassinger.
6. Wanna take my centrifuge for a ride?
5. I can get you vacutainers at half price.
4. That's normal - everybody bleeds the first time.
3. Can I recline that donor chair for you?
2. I am told my stick is very good.
1. Is that a syringe in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Additional Sites for Information:

UMD's "Virtual Phlebotomy" Site - test your phlebotomy savvy.

The Needle Phobia Page - A look at the other side of the test tube.

The "Ironman" site - Information and humor about hemachromatosis, an iron surplus condition treated by blood letting!

Want to Leave a Comment?

The UPHP is now proud to introduce the Unofficial Phlebotomy Guest Book!  Leave your thoughts or find out what's on the minds of phlebotomists everywhere.

Return to the index or send e-mail.

Last updated on or around 8/27/97.