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An open letter to all you webloggers
There can't be that much lint in all your navels at the same time.
Ben Brown

Recently, you've all been getting a lot of attention from the Internet media. For who knows what reason, someone somewhere decided that weblogs were newsworthy.

Well, let me tell you -- they aren't. It's the same old shit in the same old package.

"But but but..."

NO! Sorry, buddy -- you're just a dork who can't come up with anything more than a paragraph or two to say every day. You're not a designer, you're not a writer, and you're not an editor! In the grand scheme of things, you're no different that a kiddy with a teenybopper domain. They've got their lists of links, their mailing lists, and their witty comments too!

Please, for my sake, and for the sake of the Internet, stop talking about yourselves like you're some kind of fucking innovators. There have been link lists since the beginning of the web, and you ain't nothing special.

"But we must be something special! Look at all the articles..."

And to all you media hacks who think this is the next-big-thing and you're going to be the one to cover it first -- Its too late already! Smug did it, Salon did it, and now you're going to do it too. And here's the secret: its not the next big thing! It's a fad, it's the whats-hot-this-minute, and in two weeks, nobody will care.

"But we're redefining Internet journalism! Really! We are!"

If you're going to make such a big stink about yourselves, you might as well do something that hasn't been done before. I mean, really. A link list? Linking out to a Salon article or some long forgotten joke page doesn't count as journalism. It doesn't count as anything but a link.

"But our readers! They need us..."

I never thought people would be so happy to be contributing to the dumbing down of the world. Point and click isn't a difficult concept, and I'm sure a vast majority of people on the net can even figure out those oh so complicated search engines. So next time you're sitting down to point out some great new thing you just found, remember that most of us probably let that bookmark expire in 1996.

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