THE INSIDIOUS SUBURBAN MENACE
WASHINGTON ~ Deceptively hidden within northern Virginia's sprawling suburbs lurks a decadent subculture whose members include high ranking government officials and respected Republicrat politicians. At dozens of secret locations, on any night, there are scandalous parties where participants consume mind-numbing subtances and engage in bizarre sex games. Among this crowd, prostitution is rampant and cash frequently changes hands for unspeakable services. Undercover tabloid reporters posing as kitchen help recently infiltrated this suburban nightmare and caught a glimpse of this shocking secret world.
Bartenders were stunned to discover that many well known Republicrats are compulsive users of powerful and addictive substances, unaware of the insidious addiction from which they suffer. The latest craze of this suburban subculture is to meet at a safe house where they are free to indulge in the wicked game they play. Known as "cocktail" parties, the events feature a competitive contest. Dressed in gaudy clothing and intoxicated from a powerful depressant known as "highballs", partygoers determine which contender is the most dishonest, obnoxious, and arrogant. Once selected, participants swarm around the boastful winner seeking attention and approval.
The winners at these "cocktail" parties are often rewarded with cash, political favors, and their choice of a suburban prostitute. These subdivision sluts often appear to be thirty-something soccer moms with extravagent tastes. Known as "trophy wives" by their johns, these wanton women are hired as full-time live-in sex toys by wealthy and popular Republicrats. The aging bimbos, often unable to earn even $40 on the street, settle into a make-believe marriage with their johns. "Trophy wives" usually receive cash, credit cards, expensive sports utility vehicles, and jewelry for the sinful services they peddle to jaded Republicrats.
Northern Virginia police departments are aware of the secret parties but routinely turn their heads to the sordid affairs. The Republicrat parties are generally ignored as long as they are contained within the walls of gated subdivisions. Some officers fear reprisals from their superiors. One trooper told tabloid reporters that even Governor Jimmy Gilmore, who is known to have a pork fetish, attends the lurid "cocktail" parties.
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