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Kook named Maitreya
subdued after incident

WASHINGTON ~ Senate Security Experts were called on the carpet today by Republicrat big wigs after a Senate Artificial Intelligence Committee meeting was interupted yesterday by a wacko fruitcake. In the middle of the Committee's secret fund raising ritual, a barefoot beatnik suddenly appeared and proceeded to make a bizarre statement to the Senators. While frightened Republicrats feared for their lives, nearly five minutes elapsed before Senate Bouncers arrived and subdued the creepy kook.

Details of the strange incident became public knowledge today when the tardy bouncers were grilled by Senate Security Sub-Committe members. Clear and convincing evidence presented during the proceeding revealed that while the psycho beatnik was ranting and raving, the bouncers were watching transvestite prize fighters on the Jerry Springer Show. The kook, who identified himself as "Maitreya", delivered his threatening message to the fearful Senators and then made another incomprehensible statement to a group of businessmen in attendance. To their credit, the bouncers did club down the kook once they were aware of the crisis.

This afternoon, Official Senate Transcripts were leaked to the wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ containing the beatnik's dangerous diatribes. According to the transcript, "Maitreya" made the following statement to the Senators:

"Woe to you, Republicrats. Hypocrites! You parse every word to be legally correct, but ignore justice, mercy, and faith. Blind leaders! You strain out a gnat and swallow a camel. Yes, woe upon you. You are like beautiful mausoleums - full of dead men's bones, and of foulness and corruption. You try to appear as if you are righteous, but inside your hearts you are besmirched with every sort of hypocrisy and sin."


The kook then turned to the group of businessmen and made the following statement:

"You would think these Republicrats were Moses, the way they keep making up so many laws. And of course you should obey their every whim! It may be all right to do what they say, but do not follow their example. For they don't do what they tell you to do. They load you with impossible demands that they themselves don't even try to keep. Everything they do is done for show."

The transcript indicates that at this point the Senate Bouncers clubbed the kook down and removed him from the room. The wacko was then taken to a military psychiatric facility where parapsychologists determined that he was schizo and afflicted by a severe messianic complex. Shortly after his diagnosis "Maitreya" mysteriously disappeared from the facility, leading Senate Security Experts to assign 50 additional bouncers to the Senate.
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