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Where Should I Draw
the Line?
Q I went pretty
far with my boy friend. Actually, really far. We didn’t have sex or
anything--and there is no way I’m going to have sex before marriage.
But I like doing a lot of things with guys I date. I think it’s OK to
do what feels good, because I know I’ll stop short of having sex. Where
do you think I should draw the line?
A I’m glad you asked
about drawing the line. It’s something you’re going to have to
do as soon as possible if you really want to save yourself for your future
husband. It’s not enough to have made up your mind against sex outside
marriage. When you push the limits physically, several things are bound to
happen.
First, what feels good at first soon stops feeling good enough. Remember
the first time you held a boy’s hand? It probably felt like nuclear
fusion. But pretty soon it just felt sweaty. Same thing with brief kisses:
At first they’re explosive, but soon they’re just ordinary. That
goes for anything short of intercourse. Your body will push you on by slowly
dulling the feeling you get from whatever you’re already involved in.
You have to go farther and farther (and longer and longer) to get that good
feeling.
Then, it gets tough to stop. As you become more and more intimate, touching
more and more, you’ll have a stronger desire to go all the way. It’s
a powerful drive, and you can find yourself just barely escaping.
Eventually, you stop wanting to stop. You still have a choice, but after
pushing the limits so far, you stop wanting to choose. You want to give in.
At that point, the fight is almost over.
But why go through all this? I think people should make up their minds. Either
sex is something you do with anybody who is "special"--and that’s what
a lot of people today believe--or it’s best kept within the total commitment
of marriage. If you intend to wait until you’re married, then why fool
around now? You’d be much better off limiting yourself to brief kisses
and hugs.
Due to the volume of mail, Tim cannot answer every letter. Questions you
would like to have considered for this column should be sent to: "Love, Sex
& Real Life," Campus Life, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream,
IL 60188. You can also reach "Love,
Sex & Real Life" via fax (630-260-0114) or e-mail
(CLedit@aol.com). Look for more on love
and dating at
www.campuslife.net.
Copyright © 1999 by the author or Christianity Today, Inc./Campus
Life magazine. Click here
for reprint information on Campus Life.
September/October 1999, Vol. 58, No. 2, Page 78
More "Love, Sex and Real Life" from CL
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