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Column
The North American intellectual tradition
To hell with European philosophers: The breakthroughs of non-European thinkers are the 1960s' greatest legacy.

By Camille Paglia
[03/04/00]

Nothing Personal
What a fionasco
It's her concert and she'll cry if she wants to: Fiona Apple melts down. Plus: Yoko Ono goes ga-ga over baby Lennon. And: Howard Stern has decisions to make.

By Amy Reiter
[03/03/00]

People Feature
Lassie, get lost
When relationships go to the dogs, they go to the dogs.

By David Goodman
[03/03/00]

Nothing Personal
Flowergate!
MSNBC pundit Norah O'Donnell plucks up! Plus: Porn stars do it for democracy. And: Jennifer Lopez's dress voted most popular. Butt refuses to comment.

By Amy Reiter
[03/02/00]

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Kiss off, Kate
Give me a ralphing Pilgrim, a dolphin porn movie and sex-shy turtles over some reheated Broadway operetta any day.

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[03/02/00]

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Amy Reiter

French-kissed by an angel?
Carlos Santana gives credit where it's probably not due; Walls vs. Drudge, dish diggers duke it out. Plus: It's her concert and she'll cry if she wants to: Fiona Apple melts down!

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By Amy Reiter

March 4, 2000 | Phew! Barely made it through this week. Monday found us in heaven or Carlos Santana's brain, or both, hearing about an angel with a name that sounds like an Internet start-up (just add a .com and see what I mean). The next day Gina Gershon whipped up some excitement with -- yes -- whips. So it was hardly surprising that by Friday we'd arrived at Fiona Apple's onstage tear-filled flip-out. It's OK, Fiona, Carlos, Gina -- let's just quietly move on. Metatron dear, don't fly directly above me like that, OK?

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Monday: "Thanks, Metatron!"



Amy Reiter

Amy Reiter's column appears daily on the People site, Monday through Friday.

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Carlos Santana wants the world to know that a Santa Claus-resembling angel named "Metatron" is responsible for his hit album "Supernatural." Santana tells Rolling Stone that Metatron visited him with the following message: "You will be inside the radio frequency for the purpose of connecting the molecules with the light."

The strange prediction inspired him to make his new album, get back on the radio and deliver his spiritual message to the masses. But Metatron is more than just his career counselor. "Metatron is the architect of physical life," Santana explains. "Because of him, we can French-kiss, we can hug, we can get a hot dog, wiggle our toe."

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Monday, Feb. 28.

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Tuesday: "Almost true"

Here's a novel approach to the celebrity interview: Lie. Lie brazenly, lie shockingly, lie unapologetically. Then, just to throw your interviewer off the scent, say something true.

Gina Gershon might well be the queen of the fib 'n' 'fess routine. The actress, who has proclaimed herself a passionate devotee of vampires and shoplifting over the years, demonstrates her remarkable ability to keep 'em guessing during a recent interview with the London Telegraph's Amanda Mitchison.

For instance, she tells Mitchison, she likes to shoot guns. "I am actually really good at it. I really enjoy it, and it scares the shit out of me how easy it is to shoot a target. I was working with this sniper rifle the other day ..." Oh, and don't forget the whip thing. "I was into whips for a while," she says. "What can I tell you? I really like cracking whips." Then, like a whip, Gershon herself cracks, leaving Mitchison -- and the paper's readers -- completely baffled. "I have to say that sometimes I like to lie," she says. "I just get bored."

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Tuesday, Feb. 29.

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Wednesday: "This Walls can talk"

In her new book, "Dish: The Inside Story on the World of Gossip," MSNBC "faithful scooper" Jeannette Walls takes swipes at some bold-type biggies. Several of Walls' dishees are hollering to the press about false accusations (and talking lawsuits). But no one's trying harder to get Walls on the ropes than rival gossipmonger Matt Drudge.

True, Walls threw the first punch. In her book, she alleges what others have whispered about for years -- that Drudge is gay -- and further contends that, while living in D.C. in his 20s, he "hung out with a crowd of promiscuous, openly gay men and dated several of them," and got tossed out of a gay bar for tossing a beer. Tuesday, on his Web site, Drudge pushed Walls back by pointing out that he "moved to Los Angeles when I was 19." He jabbed that "the peacock pretty made no attempt to confirm the story" with him (a hilarious gripe, considering its source).

Then Drudge went into a clinch: "Walls, according to associates, is a victim of the brutal pressures of filing a daily column for MSNBC. That pressure, along with the excitement and energy needed to complete her book 'Dish,' has left her cutting corners and going for the quick headline." And he aimed for the kidneys: "Jeannette dear, slow down and come up for some air. You are becoming a laughingstock. Even by MSNBC standards." Slam!

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Wednesday, March 1.

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Thursday: "Flowergate!"

Sheesh! And I thought I'd squeezed all there was to squeeze out of my invite to the Hoover Institution's fancy dinner-do Tuesday night!

But alas, I was outdone by MSNBC pundit Norah O'Donnell, who stuck around for two hours after the party's official end -- and then startled her hosts by plucking herself a festive bouquet of exotic flowers from the centerpiece as her fianc� looked on.

O'Donnell's audacity was the talk of conservative circles on Wednesday. "If I were her fianc�, I'd have been mortified," snarked one attendee. "I'd have sold a kidney before I let her do something like that. The payments on that huge engagement ring of hers must be pretty high."

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Thursday, March 2.

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Friday: "What a fionasco "

No one ever said Fiona Apple isn't moody, but her major onstage meltdown before a full house at Roseland Ballroom in New York really takes the cake. According to various newspaper reports, the Tuesday night concert lasted a scant 45 minutes. The 3,200 concertgoers who'd shelled out $27.50 to hear Apple sing were treated instead to a whiny rant about poor sound quality, her band, rock critics and even members of the audience.

"You know, I just wanted to do real well in New York ... But f ---! I can't hear myself!" she complained, according to the New York Post. Then she began to sob inconsolably before she turned on the music critics she spotted scrambling to take down the details of her fit: "F --- you!" she screamed. "Put your notebooks away!" Even her own band couldn't rescue her. Apple stopped them cold in the middle of the song "Carrion." "This song is dead!" she cried, unable to, well, carry on. "Just stop it! This is a nightmare!"

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Friday, March 3.
salon.com | March 4, 2000

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About the writer
Amy Reiter is a staff writer for Salon People. For more columns by Amy Reiter, visit her column archive.

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