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This site was created with Notepad back in blackWednesday, April 26

    Hyperion locates new lionhead Diary
    Hyperion from The Black and White Citadel has located a new lionhead diary which has not yet been officially released. Thanks to Hyperion for alerting me to this sneak peek. back in blackSunday, April 23

    Happy easter sunday!
    What can I say... I apologize. I am sorry that it took so long to get this site back up, but all of my efforts were stymied by one thing or another. However, the domain name finally transfered, and within a week we'll have the Land of Eden running in ship shape again.

    But half the links dont work!
    Give me 3 days to fix the links, at which point you can email me in a most derrisive manner about them.

    Learner to the rescueThursday, October 12

    Dum dum da dum!
    Well I happened to be paying visits to all of the Black and White sites, scrounging for news, when I noticed that the LOE main news page was broken and somewhat *sniff* neglected. I hope to god spaceboy doesn't change the layout, I like the old layout of eden. What do you think? Should it be changed, or should it stay the same?

    Russel Shaw's sounds
    I think I had mentioned previously in my visits how delightful it was being located next to Russel Shaw's sound booth when testing. Not only was this a constant source of humor, as anguished screams and disgusting sploosh noises trickled into our conversations, but it was very informative. Russel is one of the more talkative members of the Lionhead team, and frankly in my opinion one of the least appreciated. The man is good at doing his job, and when it comes to computer game sounds, that means no one appreciates him. When I play a game, either I ignore sound completely, or I cringe because it is goddawful. Little do we realise how important sounds are in our overall enjoyment of the game. Sound engineering is so fundimentally important to the gaming experience that it isn't even paid much attention. The most vivid difference I can recall is that of Dungeonkeeper I and II. The Gameplay is quite similar, but for some reason I never really connected with Dungeonkeeper II... It was almost intangible, until I opened my ears to the different sound effects. Slapping imps in DK II was pathetic, a little squeak, hardly satisfying; whereas slapping imps in DK I was a delight. I loved their little screams and how they struggled when I picked them up. Carrying creatures, and even the sound of battle in the different dungeonkeepers carries a startling contrast. I mean seriously, have you listened to the sound the monk makes when he connects a blow in DKII? What is that? A fart? Christ, its pathetic. Which just goes to prove my point... Either sound is completely ignored, which is good, or it is botched and noticed, which is terreble. Kind of a sad job when it comes to getting the attention, being a sound man; but it is one of the most vital and difficult tasks there is. Now that I think about it, maybe the sounds gushing out of Russel's booth weren't mere tests, but little cries for help and attention...

    What is your impression of Black and White?
    While I was at lionhead, I formed a couple of opinions about the state of the game. Firstly, everyone I met over there was immensely talented and intelligent, and very friendly. The only really odd fellow was Peter Molyneux himself, but that was probably due to my behavior around him. A bit spazzy, due to how nervous the guy made me. Frankly, I will never, ever, ever want to go to England again in my entire life. Not only does everyone over there look down upon you because of an american accent, (bloody yanks!) but it has god awful weather. When I got back to California, I felt like I was vacationing in the mediterranian. Enough about England, and how I'll never want to go there again, and more about the game. As I was saying, everyone at lionhead is immensely intelligent and talented. Some are even French. They are all working quite hard, and the game they've made so far is amazing. What struck me a lot was how impressive the graphics are already. On Jean-Claude's version of the game, the landscape got more detailed as you got closer, and seamlessly too. It was jaw-dropping. The whole shebang is quite amazing really.

    The thing that really struck me was, after looking away from the game for an hour, I would look back and go, "Damn, that thing looks like a movie. The graphics are so crisp." A real problem with playing the game so much was that you became accustomed to the amazing graphics and features right in front of your face. I guess it suffers from the same phenomena as sound engineers. It was so good you forgot about it.

    The only thing that caused a bit of trouble was how it all came together. Everyone seemed to be putting in 'temporary' features, and never really getting around to finished ones. I hope that I will get a chance to look at the single player storyline some time, as it is promised to be amazing.

    So... Why the hell are you updating the page?
    I said I'd be back, didn't I? Well here I am. I hope someone missed me.

    New WebmasterWednesday, September 29

    Spaceboy Signing In...

    Spaceboy here. You probably don't remember me from my other B&W; site, the Black & White Console. LoE will be undergoing some changes in the near future, so don't be surprised if it goes down sometime this weekend. The new design should be in working order within a week or so. In the meantime, send your Black & White related questions here to be used in an interview with the Lionhead staff.

    -- [Spaceboy]   

    Black & White TrailerMonday, September 27

    FilePlanet posts new B&W; trailer
    Go get the new B&W; trailer here. I haven't seen it yet, because I am at work now I am writting this... I find it really intriguing to get the news about the new B&W; trailer from my boss. I think that either I am talking too much or he really likes B&W.; :) The file is 14 MB.
    Guys, I am so sorry I haven't update LoE all these days, its just that I have NO FREE TIME at all. If someone would like to take over LoE, please send me samples/URLs of your work as a web developer. If you are the successfull candidate, LoE will be yours to take care of.
    -- [Eugenia]   

    Greyscale Returath!Sunday, September 12

    Not quite knowing if this is going to work or not, Aquarion gives it his best shot...

    Greyscale Is Back!

    After more problems, Computer crashes, Password problems, and exam failures than you can shake a very long, very pointy stick at, Greyscale, the worlds only E-Zine dedicated to Lionheads Black and White, is Back. The current issue (Which is 25th August, new one in a couple of days or so) is finally online. Ok, I'm afraid this update is kinda a content free zone, but I just wanted to say that life goes on :-)

    Yours in Total Sincerity,
    -- [Aquarion]   

    LoE, Non and JontyFriday, September 10

    What is happening with LoE?
    For some strange reason, LoE was down for 3 days! Sorry guys, I have no idea what might have happened. Learner gave me login and password for LoE, but no other info as to who the admins are... I really thought that this was the end of LoE, but this morning the server is up again and here I am updating for you. ;-)

    Make sure you visit the Bwwire, where Non is writting his review of B&W; and a long description of his visit here in UK, at ECTS and Lionhead Studios. Speaking for non... I was supposed to meet him at Guildford and because of a misanderstanding, I was waiting for him *outside* the designated place of meeting, while he was waiting for me *inside*. So, we never met... even if we were 5 metres away from eachother! :( It's ok non, next year we will be more careful. ;-)

    On Tuesday morning, on the train to ECTS, Jonty Barnes was there! We had a brief discussion about B&W; and he told me some really cool news, but I promised not to say a word! ;-) I suppose that I can tell you, but then I will have to kill you. Anyway, here is a pic of Jonty I shot on the train to ECTS.

    Click for a larger version
    -- [Eugenia]   

    Gamespot's B&W; mini-reviewMonday, September 06

    B&W; is getting "more" 3D than we first thought!
    Gamespot-UK has posted a mini-review for B&W;, followed their meeting they had today with Peter Molyneux at the Hilton Hotel. Make sure to read it here. The most interesting part is this:
    "...But perhaps one of the most fascinating features of Black & White is a spectacular new 3D mode which has been added to the game. Using the same principle as 3D TV, the engine splits the image into two discrete left and right segments which are resolved into a true image via a pair of 3D glasses. Easier to use than to explain, the result is incredibly realistic and adds a whole new level of depth to an already spectacular engine. Black & White will be released in March next year with the addition of the new 3D features and on the strength of this viewing, it's certainly set to add a whole new dimension to the real-time strategy genre."
    -- [Eugenia]   

    ECTS99Monday, September 06

    B&W; behind closed doors at Hilton Hotel
    I went at ECTS yesterday. Unfortunately, Lionhead do not have a stand. You had to get an appointment at the Hilton Hotel, and be showed B&W; behind doors. However I found Jamie Durrant and Tim Rance wandering around. Jamie said it is absolutely fine for me to get an appointment with LH at their offices some time for interviews etc. So, make sure you come back soon!

    63 new B&W; images on Gamespot-UK
    Grab them here.

    General ECTS99 News
    The ECTS this year is a bit low I could say. EIDOS is not open for the public, EA is not there too, nVidia is giving me hard time to let me in to get some news for the geGorce256 and believe it or not I have a PRESS badge... Hmm, I will try again tomorrow.
    Hopefully I will get a day off so I can visit ECTS one more time. To be honest I spent most of my time to the BeOS stand. I know most of the guys working there, so it felt kinda family-like.

    A new B&W; Discussion Board hits the NetSaturday, September 04

    Nomads of Utopia on discussion...
    Sam, the webmaster over to Nou has put up a new discussion board. Register and participate onto B&W; discussion here.

    Land of Eden is NOT deadTuesday, August 31

    A new Webmaster is signing in...
    Hi all. Well, it seems that I will be the new Webmaster for Land of Eden (I can see some Lionhead surprised faces right now). At the moment I am trying to get my head around the design of the existing Land of Eden... I promiced Learner to take a good care of the site. And I will. I only hope Lionhead help me as well to continue updating the site with news/interviews/screens. As Learner described, it was impossible for him to have a good gasp of B&W; while he lives so far away. So this won't be the case with me, because I live just around the corner from Lionhead's offices. I will be at ECTS this Sunday, so I hope I will have some news for all of you then.

    Why is learner not here?Thursday, August 26

    Why have you stopped updating the site?
    Ok. Enough excuses. Here is the real jive. While I was over at lionhead studios, I saw things that were quite amazing. I saw things that let me inside the development of a game, and how it works on many practical levels. I also saw the truth about what goes on down there. The truth, in fact, is that a site such as mine, that is meant to provide up-to-the-minute updates on the game is simply not practical. It was easy to report on something I can't see, had never touched, never interacted with; hell, no one ever cared if I put out a blatant mis-fact or blunder. After being there and looking at the game I realised one important thing: I know nothing of this game. At this point in time, Black and White is in an entierly organic state. It swings back and forth, going through major changes, shedding features, gaining features, and so forth. It is absolutely impossible for me to report on this game, as an outsider, half way around the world. Now that I can see with clarity just exactly how pointless my up-to-the-minute struggle is, I have decided to make major changes to the nature of this site. I don't know quite yet if the site shall go under major changes, simply slumber until the game nears completion, or even close it's doors for good. I hope those of you out there who enjoyed my reporting style and quality forgive me for my decision, but now that I have been on top of the mountain I realise how silly it was to try trudging down below. I had one hell of a ride, got some important experiences, great emails from all of you, and best of all are the wonderful memories. Lionhead studios is a mecca of creativity, humor, and intelligence, and some day I hope to return there. It is a wonderfully magical place to be. It brings me great sadness that I must finally get around to extinguishing the flame, but I must not procrastinate any longer. I will miss the wonderful times I had here and at lionhead, and I hope you all can forgive me for ceasing my news postings.

    This is learner, signing off.

    Learner is an irresponsable doltFriday, August 20

    Sorry for the interruption
    Well I feel refreshed and rejuvinated. Oddly enough, after my vacation to lionhead studios, I found myself needing a vacation from the vacation. I'll start updating the site every day now, sorry for skipping a few odd ones here and there. An interesting thing I have decided to go forward with is the Lionhead Report, in which I will describe a small portion of my lionhead visit... every day... bit by bit. Why am I not putting one out today? Because I'm saving it up for tomorrow. Sorry!

    A little bit of lionhead...Sunday, August 15

    Peter's games
    One of the oddest quirks about lionhead are the games... games played and initiated mostly by Peter. For example, a german programmer and I had been staying late, programming, and had ordered a pizza. Subsequent to said pizza's arrival, Peter had just come into the studio again, back from the gym. Then the games commenced. I didn't realise it at the time, but Peter had decided that this game would be "Cajole the programmers into offering pizza". He tried every trick at his disposal... Charms, reasoning, anything he could try, even a physical threat, "You know, I AM bigger than you... and I've just got back from the gym...". Of course this would have worked on me, but the german fellow was rather sizable. He then went on to bribery:
    "You know, let me tell you a story."
    "Alright. Peter lets hear this story."
    "It is a story about a hitch hiker in Texas... It was soaking outside and he needed a ride. When someone finally did pick him up, he turned out to be Howard Heughs, the millionare. And he gave them one million dollars for picking him up."
    "Wasn't howard heughs the psycho who burned his clothing?"
    "Yes but the point of the story is that kindness is rewarded... I am still waiting for my offering..."
    "Aww... That gives me a warm feeling inside. No.. wait that was heartburn from all of this pizza."
    And so on and so forth. Well, being the generous soul that I am, I had never intended to deny this guy a slice of the pizza. I had some, and he, who was aparently hungry, didn't. It's not in my nature to deny someone food if they're hungry. Its a weakness in my nature. Always the generous sap. I'm afraid I wasn't much good sport for his game. He didn't even want the pizza, after I offered it. If I were to describe some of my interactions in this manner with Peter in a colorful way, I'd have to say it was like being in a G rated version of "Silence of the lambs". But Peter isn't always the initiator of the bizzare lionhead games. On a friday afternoon, I was enjoying my seclusion in the testing nook, when I noticed half of the office running excitedly into the board room. Curious, I was quickly shushed and shoved into the room. Scratch that, aparently the whole office had run into the board room. We were hiding from Peter, huddled in the generous curve of the wall, as he had gone out for a smoke. We could only speculate on his reaction when he came back. Jonty and others thought that he wouldn't even notice. We were wrong, for he had begun a systematic search of the entire office and had pinpointed a small contingent group of hiders in Russel Shaw's room. They were some pathetic specimines, when it came to hiding from Peter. Mark W. however showed his adept hiding skills, chosing his familiar home turf instead of the board room. He was the last to be found, chilling it in the ladies room. Way to go, Mark.

    Land of Ed en is NOT shutting down.Friday, August 6

    Learny is tired
    I promised I would take the site back up when I got back to the states, and here it is. I'm sorry for the lack of news updates now that I'm stateside, but you must understand, I need a few days to cope with the jet lag. By the end of this week I hope to have written a huge betatesting report, about the office, and most importantly, how the game is progressing. Also, for the principal of the thing, I took no interviews at lionhead. Sorry folks. Besides, its more fun to write them by email. Sorry for no 'real' updates today, but I am really really tired. That is all.

    The Beach...
    Sucked. Well not really, but it was just like lord of the flies... only more weed. The problem with the beach is not the writing, or the story, which both are quite excelent. The book's main viewpoint is from that of a character within the society of the beach, whereas the viewpoint in the Lord of the Flies is an omnipotent observer. It is a lot easier to look at a social dynamic when you're omnipotent, looking from above, then from within. Oh well, as you can tell by my wierd writing style again, I am quite tired. Good night.

    Land of Eden is NOT shutting down.Friday, August 6

    Sorry for the false alarm...
    Well, I guess I won't be killing the Land of Eden just yet. The main reason I killed it to begin with was that it was ruining my lionhead visit. All of the programmers I talked to just thought I was interested in getting exclusives for my site, when in fact I came to visit lionhead to learn more about programming, and more about the industry I'm so interested in joining. So dont panic, eden is back on the air.

    Another smuggled letter from behind the iron curtain.Wednesday, August 4

    Robbo, the sick, twisted, abusive mother.
    Story time with mother Robbo took a more sinister and twisted tone yesterday. Instead of talking about the game, we dug through some of his old emails on one of the testing machines. Aparently, and you didn't hear this from me, people from all over the net had been sending him gory pictures of people having their legs broken and women with incredibly fat breasts. But aside from this, Robbo is quite nice to us as testers. He is a very outgoing person, and can 'click' quite well with everyone in the testing booth. As I type this, I am at Richard Evan's machine, next to the recently returned Peter Molyeneux, who is finally fixing some of his buggy code. I get the feeling that the whole progress of the game was slowed down when he left. When testing, if a small bug or irregularity is experienced in the play of the game, a little box, an assertion, pops up and alerts you to the abnormality. Usually these assertions have the name of the programmer in front of them, for example, "Peter: You have too many damn bugs!" would be a typical assertion message. Usually, these things are cleared up quite quickly but since Peter and a few other key members of the lionhead team were out for this week, their specific assertions continuously popped up. It began to become quite annoying indeed.

    So, you join the land of the lionhead, young learner
    Today was the first day that I really left the testing department to tour the rest of the studios. I am not quite sure if I was a nuisance, looking over everyone's shoulder, and if I were I think they wouldn't tell me. I toured over to Scawen's desk, where he was quite proud of a new system he had worked together involving the creature's navigational algorythms. Aparently, he had devised a very memory-efficient method of having the creature avoid landscapes that were too sloped to walk up. A computer gaming magazine in Germany, PC Player or something similar, was touring the studios and was talking to Scawen, and it was quite funny to watch him proudly displaying this new navigational system. Richard Evans has gotten out of his shell a bit, and was still busy 'boning' crocodiles. Today he created the evil crocodile, whose facial expression triggered more than one outburst of laughter. Andy Bass was busy tinkering with villiage houses, and Paul Mclaughlin had been toying with a sheep's foreleg. Don't ask me why. Mark Webley showed his face around here too. And as usual, Jonty Barnes stayed in his little corner. Giles Jermy and Tim Rance didn't peek up much from their coding. I have been watching Russel Shaw in his office more than the others, partially because of the closeness of his office to the testing quarters, and partially because I am attracted by the screams and other strange noises pouring out of his door. He worked with the sound filtering, trying to see if the filters for the non-surround sound were kicking in when something was making noise behind you. He and I discussed the possibility of offering a 'sound track' for black and white available on my site, of the various jungle noises, forest noises, and chanting. I thought it was all quite cool. I haven't gotten a chance really to talk to Peter Molyneux, both because he is incredibly busy (he is just starting to touch the code now, at the end of the day) and because I am too damn shy. I dont have enough 'bollucks', I think that is the correct usage of the word.

    Put put put
    For lunch, the testers, Mum Robbo, Scawen, and Eric all went out for some miniature golf. It was really fun, and a lot of piss taking occured. It was hillarious when someone had their ball lost in a sand trap. Tomorrow I really must bring my camera to take some shots. I have been quite lazy and haven't gotten any interviews up really.

    Enough about this, what about the game, damnit!?
    Some of you have emailed me about avoiding coverage and details about the game itself. The reasons are simple. There are only two of them really. First off, if I told you things now, it would be less interesting to run the game for yourself. But most importantly, nothing in the game is static at this point. Most of the interesting static things have already been released, but something cool I see in the game now is bound to be changed in a week or so. So stop asking for it, you aren't going to get it. Even when playing the game myself I see why lionhead has been so mum about the information. It isn't that they're denying it, its just that there isn't anything to say that hasn't already been covered.

    Psycho bugs
    One interesting tidbit of a bug that we came across was quite insane. An ape was walking through a villiage when suddenly it disapeared. The tester next to me was quite shocked. Upon further examination however, we discovered that the ape hadn't disapeared, but it had gone '2d' and become flat, and warped. Just then, huge beams and other debris started to shoot out spastically all over the landscape, like a giant spider attacking the villiage. And then the ape's sad screaming face appeared at a gigantic size on the ground just above the villiage. I don't know about you, but this was enough to draw 5 people coming around to gawk. Until Scawen goofed up and deleted the titan. Quite disapointing, really.

    Peter Debugging
    I thought I would just put this up, because it gave me a smile. Peter was debugging his villiager codes, which involved killing a lot of them, and so when he came back to his computer from a five minute break, he greeted a villiager with, "Oh I see you've been busy when I was away... So busy that I'll have to kill you." Nasty. I don't know about other gaming companies, but over here, debugging one's code involves slaughtering hundreds upon hundreds of little people. Its enough to give someone a complex.

    The promised lionhead logs.Tuesday, August 3

    Sitting on the steps...
    I had come to lionhead by the bus for my first day of testing. I was nervous, excited, and... well... sitting on the front of the lionhead steps. Waiting is quite painful, especially at a time like this. Luckily for me, Robbo was on time, and escorted me into the studios. Now, I had intended to be modest and a bit mum, and keep my identity as learner a secret. I didn't really want to come off as a jerk.. "Hi, I'm learner, the operator of a two bit website. Treat me with special care. Aren't I wonderful?" is not the type of thing I like to do when I start off a conversation. Something about my stupid-yank haircut betrayed me, as Andy greeted me with, "So, learner is it?". Cover blown. Oh well. So we went into the testing room, and I was confronted with what looked like an AA meeting. "Hello my name is learner, and I am an alcoholic." It was quite fun for the first hour, we were becoming used to the game and Andy was dancing back and forth between computers. He said it was important to watch carefully how the user acts when first exposed to the game. It makes a lot of sense... If your interface is intuitive the user should be able to pick it right up and have a ball without very many hangups. After the first ten minutes, I was up and running the game at a level which would allow me to easily pretend that I know what I'm doing.

    Cleanup on aisle 5, a Janice Nussey has exploded again.
    Now, I had mentioned before that my identity as learner was a bit of a secret. I didn't go out of my way to say, "Hi, I'm learner. Adore me." at all. The only real interaction with Janice Nussey I had had that day were a few guarded "Excuse me"'s and "Pardon me could you open the door", passing things like that. I was polite and rather shy at the time. I imagine I would have been even more timid if Peter Molyneux weren't on vacation. Anyway, later on, we were touring the studios, a rather standard thing for greenhorn testers I had gathered, when Andy says, "Oh by the way, Bernie is also known as learner, he runs a website..." To this Janice reacted quite explosively, shouting out things along the line of "Good show, you made it!" and I will leave it at that. Janice in person is very, very energetic and enthusiastic. A real treat to talk to. She captivated all of the beta testers with a very animated conversation, as Robbo snuck out to smoke a fag. We shot the breeze about starwars mostly in our conversations. Real work beckoned, so we went back with Robbo to continue testing.

    Tell us mother Robbo, tell us a story!
    Since there was a nasty bug, and the programmer responsable was gone, us testers hadn't much to test out after having learned the game. Our little room quickly devolved from an organized testing machine of ruthless efficiancy (yeah right) to a story time. Robbo had us all gather 'round his chair as he told us tales of the game and his industry. Of all of the people at lionhead, he and Janice are the most interesting to talk to. Both are quite outgoing and very friendly. The next day at story time, instead of listening to Robbo, we talked and he listened. We shot him lots of ideas about what was wrong with the game and what cool ideas we could do to improve it. I haven't yet worked up the courage to suggest something silly like having your titan brush his teeth with trees yet...

    Shy shy Mark
    As we were toured around and met everyone (well not everyone... most seats were empty) I had a chance to make a psychological profile of them. Conclusion: They're all nuts. Janice is very friendly and hyper, which just augments her friendlyness. Quite fun to talk to. Russel Shaw is one of the least insane of the bunch, very down to earth. He is quite friendly, like everyone is, and we had a great chat about the various sounds in games he had made, and why sounds are important. He then cranked up his expensive sound equiptment and let us listen to some musical mixes that would be coming into Black and White. Very cool. Next in line would be Scawen. He showed us the most awesome animations, some testbed titans duking it out. They'd smash eachother's faces up and bruise. Showers of blood would fly around with every punch. Mark Healey was next. He was working on this groovy alligator when we spotted him. I couldn't help but laugh when he said, "Hi guys, I'm busy boning an alligator." He had all of these cool stones and carvings glued to his monitor, and had decorated his keyboard with intricate pen markings. He came off as a bit shy, but was quite nice, as all of the lionhead people are. Jamie Durrant was quite cool, a bit quiet though. He showed me an email of someone asking to see me on the webcam, so I ducked down while grinning to get in front of it, but before I could get into a cool pose... two fingered salute maybe, he snapped the camera as I was ducking. As a result, I look like a real dick, but my mom had a good laugh about it. Christian Bravery was busy animating birds, and had a copy of Dinotopia on his desk. I love that book. We didn't get to meet Jonty or Richard because they were busy fixing a bug. No time for us annoying testers!

    Now this is power...
    The computer I am working on is something ridiculously powerful, and it's raw energy surges through the keyboard as I load up wordpad to update my site. I will have to bug my parents to spend insane amounts of money to buy something this powerful for my room. Add that to some kind of t1 line wired directly into my window and we'll have ourselves a show.

    Another update.Tuesday, August 3

    And now for some real news...
    Just because I'm currently touring the studios doesn't mean that I can get out of work. I got an email while away from Antoneo Tumeo of the Italian online magazine Games OnLine, stating that he had a preview up and running. Now normally, I dont really plug previews that much, but I know Antoneo and he has really been doing his homework, showing up for irc chats, and covering the bases on his research. The preview can be found here. Oh yeah, and I almost forgot, to sweeten the plum, he has also promised a whopping 27 never before seen screenshots of Black and White. Wonderful!!

    learner is in the lionhead news!
    Yet another crowning moment for me, I am so proud. Not only do I get to visit the lionhead studios but I get mentioned in the lionhead news! I shall copy the html when I get home and save it forever. Perhaps I will harass Jamie to get another shot of all of us testers. If you didn't know, Chuck Bullen of The Black and White FAQ is here testing with me also. It has turned out to be a real all star team here this week. We've been promised to have an outing with the lionhead crew next wednesday to witness the solar eclipse. Here is what a pink floyd informational packet had to say about the tourist experience here in England during an eclipse:
    All that you eat,
    And everyone you meet
    And all that you spite
    And everyone you fight

    And all that you smell
    And all that you scorn
    And all thats to come
    And everything under the sun is in tune
    When the sun is eclipsed by the moon
    I apologize for the missed words, but I dont have the packet here with me in the studios. :) Later today I will post a report of my testing yesterday, and my testing today. Sorry to be lazy, but I finally got that 13 hours of sleep I'd been shooting for.

    They can't keep me away, damnit!Friday, August 2

    Here I am, Mrs. America....
    Well, I finally made it big time, here I am in the studios updating my website from lionhead's very own testing machine. Now I am not sure if I am allowed to divulge the details of my testing here at lionhead, but after I get the clearance, you should see lots of interesting information here about it. It is a bit of a shock at first, when coming to the studios. I came at 5am on a sunday to case the joint, and peeped through the windows. I was absolutely shocked at discovering that this studios that I had been peering at over the webcam for the last few months is an actual place in the real world. It is eerie to be connected to a place in real life that had previously only existed in an abstract sense over the internet. Pardon me for the odd writing style, I haven't slept in almost 4 days so far, and I may push five. I'm sure that I seem like a real space cadet to the people here, but they are exceedingly nice. Andy Robson is extremely nice, and very patient. I can see that he enjoys his job as head tester quite a bit, and it is a real treat to talk with him. He has quite a way with people.

    And so, we can see our citadel *scream*
    It is really cool testing here, sitting across the room from Andy Robson as he describes various aspects of the game to us. But what is even cooler, and a lot funnier, is when Russel Shaw from the next room starts testing out sounds while Andy is trying to talk to us. "And so you see that *SCREAM* those citadels are *SPLASH* *SCREAM* over *FART* there, and try to right click on it... are you listening to me? *CRASH*" I swear, before I figured out that the sound effects were coming from Russel's office, I thought that half of the studio was being torn up in construction. It was horrific. I fear the day that my mother calls the studio to check on my welfare and is greeted by blood curdling screams in the background. She will probably think lionhead is really a malicious goat sacrificing cult. The game has progressed to an awesome state, and it is very fun to play and tinker with. I found quite a few little bugs, due, I think, to the wierd way I play games.

    Bye now..
    I'm going to go back and test now, but let me apologize for my wierd writing style tonight. I am quite excited, exausted, and am having conversations with the other testers and what not while I type this. Once I have my sleep and thoughts collected I shall give a more lucid account of what has happened here today. This is learner, signing out!

    I am so proud. This, friends, is a crowning moment of my life. I now will be able to tell my children, and my children's children, that I, learner, have had the honor to look like an absolute dick on the lionhead webcam! Huzzah!

    learner is leaving the states.Friday, July 30

    England beware.. Something wicked this way comes
    I am writing this reall quickly before I get ready to go onto the plane to England. I'm taking the Redeye express, baby. Soon I shall be within the famous lionhead studios, ah ahahahaha, hahaha HA! I may not be able to update the page from lionhead, but I am hoping that is not the case, as all I require is wordpad and an ftp client. Are you all aware that I made this entire page with code from scratch using wordpad? Is that not amazing? Are you not fantastically impresed by my extra-ordinary magnitude of fantastical emminance? Do you not give much respect? Incredible. Anyway, cya!

    Welcome to, baby. Sit back, hold on to your burrow, and ride ride ride.Tuesday, July 27

    Done in a southwestern motif today...
    A rose by any other name...
    ...can still be updated by an annoying teenager who everyone hates. Thats right, I, your lovable learner, have wrangled up a brand spanking new domain name for your perusal. No more confused relatives calling me about the porno site at! No more confused porno freaks emailing me about our crappy service! We've moved! We are now, update your stinking no good two bit bookmarks right now. Anyway... Sorry all for the lackluster performance on my part. After that huge update yesterday, I feel kind of spent. Well its a whole bunch of hogwash I know but its an excuse to be lazy. Also, I'm kind of prepping up for my England trip, cleaning my socks and lining them up for the airplane. And that's not a crime, is it?
    Update: God damn, Jamie Durrant sure is on the ball. I breezed over to the lionhead links section to update the link, and he'd already done it. Man. Smooth move Jamie.

    Now that I have your attention. LISTEN. My domain name has CHANGED. Thats right. CHANGED. Are you listening to me? GOOD. *THWAP* now PAY ATTENTION this is IMPORTANT. You can tell by my SPASTIC CAPITALIZATION of the WORDS in this SENTENCE. Those of you who wish to contact me at my old email,, are soon to be insulted by AN EMAIL ERROR. This is because I have CHANGED MY DOMAIN. Are you still listening? GOOD. Now instead of calling my sweet sweet name out at, you can harass learner under a new name. Thats right, email me now at, because soon, YES VERY SOON the old email address will GO DEAD. As in GONE MUY BUEN ES MUCHO PANTALONES! ARIBA ARIBA!

    Well, I am flabbergasted! Shocked! Insulted! Well maybe not, but I'm rather curious as to why The Eden Times asked the wire for a plug on their site and didn't even send a little word to their big brothers at LOE first! Makes me jealous. Jealous webmasters do crazy things. Things like this. Well, just to let you fellows over there know, I'm never above a dirty little plug. I have no ethics. Visit the Eden Times everyone! If you ever want a plug ET, just ask, and it's yours.

    Here it is Anonymous E!
    Finally, Mrs. E, I shall post these pictures. Maybe now you know why I was having server trouble! This domain switch is a pain in the tuckus. Yes, thats right, I said tuckus. The public has a right to know! Enough of this random stuff I'm spewing and on to the story!

    Aparently, Peter Molyneux, gaming genius and... dyslexic... appeared on a show about learning disabilities. He gave a very long speech about the trouble he has had throughout his life due to dyslexia, and suprisingly, how it has fueled some of his creativity. Hats off to Mr. Molyneux, he is turning into quite the philanthropist. Oh man I love butchering my spelling like that.

    Alright now Mr Molyneux, try to look warm and inviting. Thats it, beautiful! You're a rock star! You're a walrus! Go go go!

    Now we want you to look vaguely disturbed... our cameraman has decided that the best focus of this closeup is your ear. Feel the ear. Embrace the tragedy that is... the ear. Beautiful.