The downside of all of this is that one person's "music" is another person's "Michael Bolton." Here's all the stuff that falls into the latter category.

While we're talking about useless music, let's talk about Elvis.

• 70's Hard Rock In the decade that brought us Disco, it must be remembered that there was OTHER Really Bad Music being made too.
• 88 Lines about 44 Women This is actually a great song, but I just wanted to point out that this song would never have been written if the Web was around when it was.
• 8-Track Heaven Shouldn't that be "8-Track Hell"?
• The Accordian Page With years of practice, you too can learn to annoy everyone within earshot.
• Accordion Trivia
• Bad Band Name Add-ons You can also tell a band is bad if it starts with the word "Spice."
• A Bagpipe page, and another Bagpipe page. Bagpipes make accordions looks subtle in comparison.
• Bagpipes Go to the Movies Or, a list of films to avoid.
  (Note: Turn off Javascript before clicking on link.) In the interest of equal time (snicker), we present a useless rebuttal.
  
• Band Name Server
• Beatles Accordion Stunning. Simply stunning.
• Bob's Music Collection, as well as Bob's Video Collection This is the first collection from someone I personally know.
• Boycott MTV Club Great idea, absolutely wrong reason.
• Clues that Micky of The Monkees is dead. Well, his career is, anyway, isn't it?
• Contrabass Trombone Page Not as useless an instrument as, say, a bagpipe - but still pretty silly.
• Countdown to Weird Al's Birthday I found this one on a very familiar-looking site.
• Daniel's list of recently played records (Includes official sounding copyright notice)
• DiscoWeb You'll be happy to know that disco STILL sucks!
• Every concert seen by Mark, Christophe, and Steve (not me).
• Every Song Darren has listened to, since Dec. 22, 1995 Looks like Darren is bucking for a 1996 Bobby Award.
• Every Tori Amos Image on the Web Early research indicates Tori Amos fans are to Useless Pages what Grateful Dead fans are to Volkswagon Busses.
• Four minutes, thirty-three seconds Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat to John Cage.
• Frank Zappa References in MST3K I'm a fan of Frank Zappa.  I'm a fan of MST3K.  I am NOT a fan of this page.
• Guitars Steve has Owned Very good! Now show us the amplifier that goes up to 11!
• Grateful Dead Stats I don't think this page is going to be updated too often.
• Head Bands There's an obvious pun I could make, but I'm trying to keep this a family page.
• Heavy Metal Zone White dopes on junk.
• Helen's Favorite Songs There's some good blackmail material on Helen here.
• The History of Muzak What? No mention of Yanni?
• How to play air guitar It works! I play air guitar to all my Spinal Tap albums much better now!
• Instruments Dave has played Smoke on the Water with
• Jeff's current musical selection (Taking music geekiness to a new low. Displays currently playing song, disc, and artist, and solicits your opinion as to their virtues and possible alternatives.)
• Jingle Cats Cats caterwauling Christmas classics.
• The John Cage Memorial Page I can hardly wait for the Phillip Glass triubute page.
• John Jacob Jingleheimer Shmitt That's my name, too!
• Kate Bush instruments No, seriously...she HAD to make at least a FEW of these up...
• Kyle's Walkman Server combining the uselessness of machines hooked up to the Web with the uselessness of music collections!
• List of all "Louie, Louie" covers Me gotta go.
• Liver Aid Livers for Rock Musicians Good idea. Keith Richards must be, what, on his fourth liver by now!
• Let The Olsen Twins Sing Imagine cleaning up all of the vomit in the stands. . .
• Lyrics from the band The Sea Snakes I bet Senator Exon and Tipper Gore have ALL their albums!
• Lyrics to 99 Bottles of Beer The extended remix.
• Mariah Carey Fan Page No, I'm not adding it just because he's a Mariah Carey fan (although come to think of it, I should!).
• The Milli Vanilli Home Page The band that somehow epitomizes the 80s
• Mobile Phone Tune Time I couldn't think of enough ways to run up my cell phone bill!
• The Matrix Musical What is the Matrix? A song. A really lousy song.
• Namenlos Awards More accurate than the Grammys. Of course, your average Ouiji board is more accurate than the Grammys.
• Norwegian Drinking Songs Hagar the Horrible does Karaoke!
• Phil's Radio Collection Multimedia killed the radio star.
• Philip Glass Jokes Hey, wait a minute! They're all the same!
• Phish Stats Proof that Deadheads not only still have too much free time, but are also amazingly desperate.
• Picture of the Residents out of the Eyeball costumes Someone has to work on the concept of focus.
• Playlist from a Pittsburgh radio show that lasted four months and ended years ago.
• Proof that Paul McCartney is Dead I though the song Ebony and Ivory was pretty good proof.
• Randy's Latest CD More than a review, less than interesting.
• Samsung Team Song It has a great beat and you can dance to it!
• The Song that Never Ends There's only one thing more annoying than filking - deliberately annoying filking!
• Songs about Penises Uh-oh!  I think I may have contributed to the next Rock Bottom Remainders CD!
• Song Titles I like the instructions on the page.
• Spice Girls Haiku More creativity was put into any one of these haikus than in the entire Spice Girls CD!
• Stairway to Middle Earth Will someone tell these people that the seventies ended 17 years ago?
• Sugary Tea Festival Dullapalooza
• The Transfused Opera See what happens when you mix crystal meth and theater?
• TV MIDI files Your point is...?
• Vanilla Ice He links to all the other Vanilla Ice pages so I don't have to.
• Wagner Zentral This proves there was music that sucked long before Disco.
• The Web Page of the Album of the Soundtrack of the Movie of the Concert of the Album of The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars
• What ever happened to Rick Astley? OK, everybody in unison: WHO CARES?
• When is Neil Young Going to Retire? Obviously Mr. Young feels it's better to rust than burn out.
• World's Largest Drum
• Vinyl Video What's next, 8-track DVD?
• The WWW Virtual Keyboard (From the page: "It's just like a real piano, except that it's slower, smaller, sillier, and doesn't sound nearly as good.)
• The Yanni Home Page The Web page for lovers of elevator music everywhere.

The Uselessness of Music Collections

At least CDs are a relatively new technology. What is this business of publishing tape collections? The Web represents the zenith of dozens of different technologies, combining the efforts of millions of man-hours of computer, network, and information discovery and retrieval research and development to bring a revolutionary unified interface for distributed information. And these people are using it to publish lists of audio tapes. HELLO???

For the ultimate evil, there's even now a program to make it easy to put your CD list on the Web! Auuugghhh!!

Although they don't strictly belong here, I'm also including lists of videotapes and 9-tracks.

A "Golden useless" award has been won by Andy Norris, who informed me of his own list of 8-tracks. Congratulations, I think.

CD collections:

• Adam
• Alex, who also gives us Every concert he's been to.
• Annamarie
• Brian
• Chad
• Chris
• Another Chris
• Yet another Chris
• Cody (Coded by his Mom, Kathy Lee.)
• Crazy Charlie's Tunes
• Dabe
• Darren
• Don
• Eric
• Glenn's CDs
• J. Jason
• Jamie
• Jeff
• Another Jeff Pink Floyd only! The 70's will NEVER die!
• Yet another Jeff
• Jeff & Becky's CD Collection
• Jude Travers-Frazier Who proudly informed me he doesn't even own a cat!
• Keith
• Kenny The one that started it all.
• Leon
• Martin
• Matt
• Mike
• Another Mike
• And yet another Mike (Who also has his LP collection here for our enjoyment.)
• NNI
• Neil With a painful table.
• Another Neil, with painful non-tables, plus a list of all the Concerts he's seen.
• Paul
• The Poor House Yes, the entire household's collection.
• Richard
• Robert The Andrew Lloyd Webber CDs have a warning label for your convenience
• Ron
• Ross Done as an oh-so-fashionable table!
• Some guy who speaks German.
• S.W. Weems
• Thouky
• Todd
• Walter
• Yardtool

Other media:

• Tape collections: Aaron, Adam, John, and Walter (again)
• Videotape collections: Adam and Bo-Yi (multilingual for that international flavor).
  Mike just has music videos.
  Then there's What Karl recorded on his VCR.
• 9-track collections: Eric (by his lonesome)
• LP collections: Theodric (mixed with more modern media), Scott (also mixed, quite large), and Denis Yup, LP collections are DEFINATELY larger than CD collections!
• 8-track collections: Andy
• Laserdisc Collection: Leopold The first Laserdisc collection on the Web I'm aware of, but I'd be surprised if there weren't others.