Community - Walter's World Every week Walter Bennett, a biochemist at the Black Mesa Research Facility, brings you the latest news and happenings from the world of Half-Life. Walter may get off topic occasionally, but it's his column... Walter has since retired from writing his weekly column, but you can read the archives here. Archived Columns (listed chronologically) Let's Get Acquainted, Shall We? Walter's first column, introducing himself and acting just a bit too desperate. I Enjoy A Good Rammstein! Walter answers some reader questions about what he does for fun, the size of the Black Mesa complex, and how to turn plant matter into a light source. A Smidge of Holiday Cheer In this column, Walter talks about the recent Black Mesa Christmas party, and answers reader questions about the president's scandal, BMR experiments, and the concept of momentum. A Bittersweet New Year Walter reflects upon the previous year, and answers reader questions regarding his diet, Area 51, bathrooms, and ties. Plus, Walter's "Neat Site of The Week!" I Have Been Smitten! Walter finally finds his one true love. Or has he? Also, why Bill Nye is a fraud and Walter explains gravity. I Love You, Honeypoo! This week, Walter responds to reader concerns about Elexis Sinclair's moral character, what happened to Smithers, and more Mr. Wizard. Heartbroken! Walter finally meets Elexis, but things don't exactly go according to plan. Plus, Walter's favorite Black Mesa pranks. Groundhog Day It's Groundhog Day at Black Mesa, and Walter gets ready to boogie down. Walter also answers reader questions about his childhood, BMRF's cooling system, and why scientists don't smile. Wish You Were Hair! Walter apologizes for his recent behavior, and answers reader letters regarding hair loss, Black Mesa lockers, and his favorite scientist of all-time. Plus, a brand new scientific experiment! Squeezing the Tomatoes Indeed! Is your produce better because of Walter? Plus, Walter answers reader questions on topics including administrators, violence towards scientists, pens, and ties. Tommorow Never Ties! The tie conspiracy theory is resolved when Walter and a few of his fellow scientists approach the administrator with reports of their findings. Read Walter's in-depth report! Also, Walter answers reader questions on alternative nuclear weapons and his existence. Brainless Barneys Walter discusses his new CD collection, and answers reader questions involving security guards and the lack of negotiable areas at Black Mesa. Outrage! Could this be the end of Walter's World? In this column, Walter rages against the Scientist Killing Club, and even enlists the help of a celebrity in the process. Blue Spandex! Whee! Walter... umm... isn't his normal self, but answers questions on scientist killings, his days at Area 51, and introduces some new employees. Just Say No! This week, Walter talks about Black Mesa's drug problem, his life, beating up on grunts, pens, and classifieds. Fists of Fire! In this column, Walter reveals his Kung Fu background, talks about what really happened during the incident, helps a student in need, and flames the creator of the Gluon gun for his wimpy demeanor. An Easter Adventure! Walter talks about an exciting experience he had Easter morning, Peter Norton, and pounding on John Carmack. Plus, a brand new scientific experiment! Upon a Fluffy Cloud! Once again, Walter makes us all wonder about his mental health when he shares with us a dream that he recently had involving clouds and a brunette. Plus, Walter answers reader letters about his music, zombies, puberty, and slacking off. Punished! The Administrator finally gets fed up with Walter's behavior, and Walter is punished dearly! Plus, reader letters on topics including photographs, Uranium, and Xen. I Bite My Thumb(tack) at Thee! Walter discusses the dangers of thumbtacks and answers reader questions about disco, humps, and Black Mesa's top ten. Plus, Walter's very first book review. Vending Vengeance! This week, Walter finally gets fed up with the vending machines and decides to do something about it. Plus, dismemberment, Walter's love advice, frogs, and great moments in science! Vending Machines of Doom! Are Black Mesa's vending machines trying to kill Walter? Find out the shocking truth! Plus, why Walter isn't Dr. Bennett and renaissance fairs. Rats! Walter answers reader questions about rats, Roseanne, and his job. Plus, news of Dr. Johnson's recent naughtiness, and Walter acting a little nutzoid. Joining The Dark Side! Walter gets another job offer... and accepts it! Walter's College Thesis With Walter away on the Darkstar, we take a look at his embarrassing past. My Glorious Return! Walter returns from the USS Darkstar and tells us all about his adventures! Plus, more on Walter's thesis and "blendyhoppers." Crates Scott! This week, Walter tries to solve the mystery of the crates. Plus, nude women, "switching over," and sheep. Headcrabs Are Delicious! Walter shares one of his favorite headcrab recipes and educates us about the headcrab's anatomy. Also, flushing headcrabs and waking up chained to another scientist. Olympic Glory! It's time for Black Mesa's annual science team decathlon! Find out how Walter fared this year. Plus, why Walter's glasses are so misty and a brand new experiment. I'd Rather Be Humping! Walter regretfully informs us of a setback at Black Mesa, and gives us a little sneak peek into his childhood. Plus, Walter examines Gordon Freeman's love of animals. KISS Me, You Fool! This week, Walter answers reader questions on the Administrator's hiring practices, mirrors, and fists. Also, Walter looks into the future. The Dukes of HAZARD, of COURSE! Walter trades his lab coat in for an HEV suit and takes on the Black Mesa Hazard Course! Plus, download your very own Walter in HEV Suit to play with. Invasion of The Mirror People! Walter tries to solve the mystery surrounding the mirrors in Black Mesa, but ends up being confusing as hell. Also, Walter shares some safety tips. Under Siege! Terrorists invade Black Mesa, and Walter is taken hostage! Also, Walter dishes out the latest Black Mesa gossip and explains what the deal is with those weird office people. The Incompetent Dr. Gibson! This week, Walter finally gives Dr. Gibson what he had coming, helps a young lad with a school project, and disses Gordon once again. Plus, yet another great moment in science. Night of a Thousand Walters! Walter discovers that he's been cloned and that Russia is no longer communist. Plus, what's in the Administrator's briefcase? Dr. Roegane… He's The Fellow! Walter introduces his new best friend, Dr. Roegane, and answers reader questions regarding evolution, his health, and eyes. A Tangled Web! Walter's world is turned upside down by a shocking discovery! No Return! Walter faces off against the Administrator at last! Free at Last! The thrilling conclusion of Walter's World!