Calista

Interview With Calista Flockhart

Our own in intrepid Libby interviewed Ms. Flockhart in her sumptuous home.

Libby: My God you must have lost 20 pounds since Something About Mary, what did you do to pork up, did you do the Bobby DeNiro thing or did you just eat like a housewife? I mean you're gorgeous! I love to see a gal taking care of herself!

I bet I could fit a Kinder Surprise egg in your collarbone.

Calista: First of all I would prefer if weight didn't come into this, I read your interview with Rosie O'Donnell and secondly I wasn't in Something About Mary.

Libby: Are you sure? Because I distinctly remember you did that thing with the whatchamacallit and I think I have it written down.Yes, you were. It's right here in my notebook. Now what was Jim Carrey like to work with in The Mask , he's a tall drink of water isn't he-- did I sense sparks between you two?

Calista: That was Cameron Diaz.

Libby: You're positive?

Calista: I'm positive.

Libby: Then why do I have it written down?

Calista: I honestly don't know.

Libby: Wow you are deliciously skinny aren't you? I bet I could put a pencil between your ribs and it would stay there.

Calista: I told your people that I don't want to talk about weight, there has been too much emphasis on that. I would like to restrict the questions please to my work.

Libby: Woh, slow down, I mean, take a compliment. O.K. your work--fine but first tell me what you do.

Calista: I'm in Ally McBeal.

Libby: Don't know it. When was it released?

Calista: It's a TV show....

Libby: Is that the one with the funny black kid?

Calista: No...

Libby: Cause I really like that one.

Calista: Oh.

Libby: Or that other one,That's a good one too.

Calista: Well , I play a lawyer, Ally, and...

Libby: Well, you've lost me. Do you have to pee?

Calista: No, why?

Libby: Then sit up straight. Have you ever done movies, you know, something that someone would have seen?

Calista: Um, Birdcage,A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Libby:A Midsummer Night's Dream-- Adam Sandler?

Calista: William Shakespeare.

Libby: Uh, huh......... He's been dead a long time hasn't he?

Calista: Yes, yes he has.

Libby: So you're saying you prefer work penned by dead author's?

Calista:.... No.

Libby: Well, you see, you got to work with me here. This could be a career boost for you here--I love to help young thin kids, but you're not making this easy.

Calista: I'm sorry, I just...

Libby: I had a hell of a drive over here, I got lost four times...

Calista: I'm sorry...

Libby: Then I get here and they make me wait, and give me this huge list of things that I can or can't talk about which I can't see anyway because I left my glasses at the condo--which didn't make the drive easier by the way...

Calista: I didn't know...

Libby: And now I'm here and I find out that you haven't even been in a decent movie.

Calista: I'm really very sorry.

Libby: Yeah, well sorry isn't going to get me back the lunch I canceled with Angie Dickinson.

At that your poor scribe and Ms. Flockhart just sat there, it was the worst interview I have ever done and a complete waste of my time. This kid could be a role model to thousands of kids with that knockout figure, but she blew it. Even if I had cable I'm not sure so sure I would watch Nelly McBeal. Even when Ms. Flockhart (message to Calista lose the name honey it's not helping either-- that is a really fat operatic name) even when she put Kinder Surprise Egg in the hollow of her neck, I sensed she was trying to humor me but it was too late.

You win some, you lose some.