Posted by Benedicte on September 23, 1998 at 22:53:08:
In Reply to: HELLLLP! posted by Ashley on September 23, 1998 at 16:36:01:
Ashley, listen to Rex!!!! You yourself said it - you should not have driven by his house. I am sure whatever images you conjure up in your mind about what your husband and that "other girl" might be doing, but there's nothing you can do about that now. If, in the end, it works out between you and your husband, what he does or doesn't do now won't matter. You have to let go. Keep telling yourself "it doesn't matter". After all that has happened, your husband needs to figure out for himself what he wants to do. All you can do is focus on yourself, like Rex and others have said.
It was one of the hardest lessons I ever learned, but the truth is this: You control only your own actions. You can try to influence others, but in the end, they will make their own choices. That's something I'm constantly reminding myself of as well, as my husband and I have been separated for almost 4 months now and when I asked (in past tense; I've sworn to myself I won't do it again, at least not before he has made some moves in my direction) my husband would say he definitely wants a divorce. So now I'm focusing on me. I'm working on improving those aspects of myself that I am less happy with and taking up activities I had let go or never started for some reason or another. I realize it's harder to do some of this being pregnant, but you have to try. What kind of a mother would you like your baby to have? When you look into the future 10 years, what do you want to have accomplished? Love is great, but love isn't everything. You have a responsibility to yourself to be the best person you can be, no matter whether you are still married to your husband or not.
Your situation is complicated. But you can come out of this a better person whatever happens with your husband. Focus on that, please! No more driving by his or her house. Remember, it doesn't matter in the long run.
Best of luck to you