Ladies, how would you like a squirt gun for Christmas? Well, maybe not exactly a toy gun, but something that's designed to pleasure you in, shall we say, the most intimate way.

OK, we won't beat around the bush anymore. What we're talking about is a vibrator. But not just any old vibrator. This one ﾑ when it's completed, on the market, and raring to go ﾑ will be able to ejaculate.

Uh, so what exactly is the point in having a vibrator ejaculate? According to the man who came up with the idea, it helps the woman reach orgasm. "It's not only direct clitoral friction that excites a woman," the inventor explains to Hanashi No Chaneru. "She also feels the partner's body temperature, and the pressure of his weight. And when the man ejaculates, the heat and the pressure of his semen hitting the cervical opening helps her flow into an orgasm."

"That's what all the women I've talked to tell me," he asserts, though he concedes that he hasn't checked out the medical evidence. After all, he's a straight-laced engineer, not a medical professional. And no way is he affiliated with the sex trade industry. But his colorful hobby has earned him a reputation and the moniker "Mr. Tool."

So how was this wacky invention conceived? The hard-plugging engineer tells the magazine that he and his colleagues were shooting the breeze one day when the conversation took on a decidedly erotic bent. Someone remarked that women often complain of vibrators hurting because they're made of cold and hard plastic.

In the interest of research, Mr. Tool bought dozens of vibrators from adult toy shops in the Shinjuku area. What he discovered firmed his resolution to provide a better solution to women's sexual needs. Clearly, a battering ram should have greater delicacy than these contraptions of plastic whose motors got overheated after extended use. How could he allow the fair sex to continue writhing in agony? After all, he envisions his mission as "creating the right environment for the heart."

He sprang right into action, digging up hard-core data by talking to scores of women, as well as dredging up memories of youthful encounters. The result, as he shows Hanashi No Chaneru through a schematic diagram of the internal mechanics, is a new generation vibrator with special features. First, to emulate the feel of human skin, the the outer layer will be made of medical grade silicon rubber. Second, the contraption will maintain itself at a few degrees higher than body temperature, to simulate the heat of the male organ in passion. And third, a nozzle at the head will enable it to ejaculate like the real thing. It's crucial, he points out, to get the precise thickness for the silicon skin and the right tension for the spring.

The gadget will twist and vibrate, and will come with a handy remote control for outdoor use. To heighten the goose bump factor, wart-like bumps will be added to the shaft. He'll let his younger female colleagues check out the ride.

He points out that the real engineering challenge is building a suitable pump and high pressure accumulator to allow the vibrator to squirt. While Japan has a history of sexual aids of various shapes and functions dating back to the Edo Period, none has ever offered this particular feature. Mr. Tool figures it may take several trials before he gets it right.

The toys are scheduled to be on the market by Christmas, just in time for some holiday frolicking.

Let's hope that the vibrator won't ejaculate prematurely.

(By Cheryl Chow, Contributing Writer)