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Doin' the Baby Dance

By Colette and Marcia

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees or the stars; you have a right to be here."

This line from the popular poem, Desiderata, inspired us at our holy union ceremony more than five years ago. We were encouraged that two women also have the right to express our love publicly and proudly. Today, these words have taken on a whole new meaning for us, as we try to start a family--a family with two moms.

As a lesbian couple, following our dreams often takes a different path than a heterosexual couple’s. Just as we first struggled with our decision to come out, we again found ourselves searching our motives and feelings, this time about whether we should have a child. The experiences are similar because they both involve highly conscious, deliberate choices and actions.

We have been together for nearly eight years. We were doing just fine as a couple. For a long time, nothing felt like it was missing. Yet we were drawn to the Baby Dance. We talked about having a baby, maybe two, changed our minds, put the idea on the back burner, flirted with it some more. We eventually got very comfortable with the idea. Very fond of it really.

We concluded we have the strong desire to create a legacy bigger than the two of us. Our love had grown so deep and wide that we wanted to create an extension of it. A child would be the ultimate way to express our love.

We believe having a baby will be even more satisfying than other creative ventures we have tried before. Over the years, we had gone into business together. We also write and publish biographies of family members, each of us contributing our skills. We get great joy out of "co-creating" as a couple. Our relationship philosophy has always been 1 + 1 = 3, that together we make something greater than our individual selves. A child would literally make us three.

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ŠNorman Institute, 1999

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