An enterprising mod-maker goes up to the gun banks. He's got this great idea for this kickass deathmatch mod, you know, with big guns, lots of guns, and a jetpack and lots of cool stuff. Waits in line for a minute or two, then gets to the front of the queue.

"Excuse me, I'm making this mod, I need lots of guns and cool stuff. You know?"

"Only too well. You have no idea how many people I've had in this morning who've said the exact same thing. Wait a sec... uh... oh dear."


"We've kinda... run out of guns. Everyone's taken out so many different guns, we just don't have any left."

"But - but how? I need guns!!!"

"Sorry, but according to this here memo, new mods are only allowed five guns each until we get some new stock in."

Thus, Canned Tuna was born.

Canned Tuna provides the player with a narrow range of demanding and highly useful guns; each has its own definite purpose and place in the game, and each requires different skills. From the stealthy, messy kills of the crowbar, the accuracy of the laser rifle, the ballistics of the mortar and the careful positioning of the specially-adapted sonic tripmines to the reflexes and strategic potential of the humble (heh) machinegun, the weapons are highly defined and individual, and each has its own place in the arsenal. Infinite ammo and being given all the weapons at the start of each level leads to tense and exciting battles.

Weapon 1 ain't nothin' special - bog standard crowbar, same as always. However, if you can sneak up on an unsuspecting enemy and hit 'em hard enough, then that's 5000 points of damage, or a rather messy explosion of blood and internal organs.

Weapon 2 is a little more interesting. The laser rifle is high powered and perfectly accurate, and has a telescopic sight on alt fire. It also through walls like a muppet on speed.

Weapon 3, the Machinegun, is now a nifty high-power killing device. Suffice to say, it kicks ass, pumping out 1800 rounds a minute over a ten degree spread.

Weapon 4 is the Mortar, and it's quite possibly the most fun gun in the game. It doesn't kick up the shots like an ordinary grenade launcher in games, so you have to aim up yourself. Try firing up at 45 degrees to the horizontal to start with. Primary fire bounces off walls; secondary fire explodes on them. Both explode when they hit the floor.

Weapon 5 is the adapted tripmines. You get 2 to leave around the place. New with Canned Tuna; no visible beams. Instead, they hum. Also, they automatically turn off when their owner is within blast radius. You can happily crowbar your own tripmines; they don't explode at all when you're in range. Also, they explode if an enemy touches them while active, so your enemies can't simply jump onto them and over. You *will* worry when you hear that hum...

But it doesn't stop there! Oh, no. Not at all. On top of all this comes the incredibly cool Canned Tuna jetpack, available now at a longjump module spawn point near you. Simply jump into the air and hit JUMP again to activate this baby, then fly around to your heart's content. Hold down JUMP to fly up and forwards slightly, and JUMP+DUCK to fly forwards a bit more. Angle the screen down at around 45 degrees to fly straight forwards with JUMP+DUCK. Because Canned Tuna is equally capable of working in single player, having a jetpack makes Xen... interesting. ;)

Last of all, there's the game modes. There's Energy Based, where firing or flying uses up armour, which recharges; there's the damn cool Gib The Llamas, where you alternately spawn as a glowing ultra-fast crowbar freak (a Llama) or a horribly beweaponed, but slower, normal Canned Tuna person. If a Llama manages to hand a normal player the crowbar, point first, they get 3 frags instead of the normal 1 frag for the kill; and lastly, there's the highly tactical and sketchy mode, TunaMatch. This is a simple 1v1 mod, along the lines of Rocket Arena and suchlike, but with a device that emits bleepy noises which rise in pitch and playrate as you get closer to your enemy.

And one little change to movement. You know fall damage? Canned Tuna uses Realistic fall damage, and you can't change it. However, when you're falling, if you press and hold "Duck" before you land, you'll absorb some of the shock and won't simply gib for the hell of it. This is an incredibly easy way not to die when you fall off a high ledge.

A few notes on single player. First off, the phrase "gimme", when typed into the console, gives you no HEV suit but all 5 guns - only in single player. This is a useful fix after, for example, the breakdown in Unforeseen Consequences, and other places where Half-Life mysteriously strips you of your weaponry. A few known bugs: the game mode set in Multiplayer->Lan Game->Create->Advanced will be the game mode used in single player, so pick anything other than "Standard Tuna" at your peril; there are several animation glitches with the laser rifle and machinegun; and the player models look up and down wrongly when seen by other people. I can't fix this either. I'm working on these. Cut me some slack, dammit. :)

Canned Tuna Version 1, in all its glory, after over a year of various work, attempts at teamplay, classes, and other weird and bizarre stuff, is now a kickass, pedigree mod. Made by yours truly. And it fits in a single gruddamn megabytish package, which even self-extracts. Download it at the link on the menu to the left there.

This version ain't perfect, but it's close. Feel free to mail me bug reports (so long as they're not listed on the site), suggestions, flames (it's cold here in English winter), love letters and game mode ideas to me, randomnine, of the randomnine foundation. Rock on.

Canned Tuna, all graphics, text, concepts, sheep and other related stuff are copyright randomnine. Canned Tuna was brought to you by The Randomnine Foundation, which is basically just an outlet for Canned Tuna atm. Some screenshots taken from the Rats level, by Chris Spain, which is very very cool. All rights reserved. Hi mom!