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150 Ways to Kill the Purple Dinosaur
Submitted By: AngelaValleyGirl

1. Make him watch his own show

2. Shove his head in a floppy drive, and type "format a:"

3. Nitroglycerin suppository

4. Dr. Kevorkian approved suicide kit

5. Paper cuts from hate mail

6. Date with Lorena Bobbitt and Tonya Harding

7. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu

8. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open)

9. Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!"

10. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide

11. Fed through an office paper shredder (This one requires the       
    help of a part-time courier!)

12. Bungee jumping with cord tied around neck

13. 1000 RPM merry-go-round

14. Tail caught in elevator doors

15. Home lobotomy kit

16. Swarmed by killer bees

17. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel

18. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)

19. Acupuncture with a nail gun

20. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven

21. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!

22. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during re-entry

23. Recreate the Challenger accident, with Barney playing  substitute   
    teacher

24. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full

25. "I love you" song triggers avalanche

26. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train

27. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY

28. Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature

29. Crushed between plates in a fault line

30. Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties 
   (would you like McFries with that?)

31. Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what 
    can happen to you if you don't wear your seatbelt

32. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study

33. Plummet into an active volcano

34. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants (Find out if this torture 
    method REALLY works!)

35. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer

36. Take him off Prozac

37. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills

38. Spontaneous combustion

39. Bent, folded and mutilated by the Post Office (We deliver for you!)

40. Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin

41. The plague

42. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson

43. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop

44. Massage with a stun gun

45. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie

46. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank

47. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a red shirt

48. Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt

49. Assimilation by the Borg

50. Diplomatic mission to the Ferengi

51. Paint him green & give him to Gallagher for his Sledge-o-matic

52. Confine him with Marvin the Paranoid Android (Douglas Adams)

53. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge

54. Barney scrapple

55. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa

56. Tell Tipper Gore he sings on how to masturbate

57. Use Barney as new head of U.N. Weapons Inspection Team in Iraq!

58. Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw

59. Get the San Diego Chicken to kill him for REAL! 

60. Make a Barney Slinky today with one of those fancy potato spiral    
    makers!

61. Sexual battery suit involving Baby Bop

62. Stick him in Jurassic Park for just five minutes....PLEASE!

63. Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left

64. Have him magically turn the classroom into a vacuum ... watch his   
    body explode

65. Sew his lips to his rectum

66. Bury all but his head in an anthill. Cover with honey

67. Send him to Miami in a rented car

68. Move the set of the show to an actual inner-city classroom

69. Let him take a New York Subway at night

70. Tie him up, hanging from the ceiling.  Give bats to little Mexican  
    kids, and tell them he's a piņata Note: You can actually get piņatas 
    that look like Barney at Toys R Us

71. Tell him Jimmy Hoffa was a bad man and he should tell it to the     
    Teamsters

72. Send him to Cuba with a T-shirt saying "Fidel Sucks"

73. Strap him to the back of a Ford Pinto, then rear-end it into the    
    side of a GMC truck

74. Drop him from a bridge onto the in-bound lane of the Boston     
    Expressway

75. Slap some antlers on his head and send him into the woods during    
    November

76. Nail his feet to his shoulders and use him as the Jamaican bobsled  
    in the 1998 Winter Olympics

77. Take him into space and put him into a decaying orbit

78. Make him the next astronaut to go to Space Station Mir

79. Toss him into a blast furnace

80. Tell the kids of the world that Barney wants you to eat your     
    vegetables

81. There is the old "Cement Overshoes", but that could be considered   
    water pollution
 
82. Make him write, "I will not be a demon sent from the lowest depths  
    of hell" 100 times with a piece of chalk only 1/4 inch long

83. Lob a can of Nitro-nine under his purple butt

84. Have him stand under the space shuttle during the next launch

85. Send him to Africa as famine relief

86. Target practice

87. Send him on a candlelight tour of the Wilson Dynamite factory

88. Cruise missile target

89. Let Saddam Hussein use Barney as human shield

90. "Charlie Manson? This is your new cell-mate."

91. Take him bungee jumping. Forget to secure bungee cord

92. Cast him in place of Mr. Bill on "The Mr. Bill Show" 

93. Cut off his arms and say "Where's that 'great big hug' *now*!?!"

94. Use him as evidence to prove that the acceleration of gravity is 9.8 
    m/s2 on Earth. Oh! and make sure that it is off of the Sears tower  
    too

95. Bazooka blast to the cranium

96. Nuclear Bombs. Nuff said

97. Drown him in gasoline and then set it ablaze

98. Freeze him with liquid nitrogen, and repeat step 70

99. See if liquid helium has similar effects

100. Microwave ovens work wonders

101. Have him climb trees near overhead power lines

102. Let HIM tell the baseball leagues they're not getting their raise

103. Tell the Menedez Boys he is in cahoots with their parents

104. DRANO milkshakes

105. Have him apply at Oscar Meyer as "Hot Dog Filler"

106. Make him wear a pentagram and send him to a Baptist church 

107. Let him drink the water in Guadalahara

108. Make him tell Rush Limbaugh he's a sissy

109. A Black Hole

110. "Gee Mr. Barkley, I can play basketball better than you......." 

111. Give him the box from Hellraiser and tell him it's a Rubix Cube

112. Fill the sandbox with quicksand

113. Tie him under a huge magnifying glass on a real sunny day

114. Put him in an old car that's being put in the crusher

115. Introduce him to a pit bull

116. Stuff him down the garbage disposal

117. Give him drowning lessons

118. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife

119. Harpooned by a whaling ship 

120. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of     
     Barney?

121. Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases

122. Send him to a cannibal infested island

123. Make him stick his head in a paper shredder, or a garbage disposal, 
     or a lawn mower

124. Tie him to the back of a semi. Drive over very hard surfaces

125. Send him so Spain for "The running of the bulls"  Tie weights to   
     his feet

126. Throw him in a shark pit

127. Throw him in a alligator pit

128. Send him to Africa wearing KKK clothes

129. Give Barney a gasoline shower and then make him smoke. 

130. Get a doctor to prescribe him Redux, or Phen-fen

131. Tell Newt Gingrich that Barney's on welfare and watch him go nuts

132. Tell Michael Jackson there is a little boy inside the costume

133. Perform dentistry on him with a Black & Decker drill, using a      
     really big bit

134. Force feed him Hudson River water

135. Force feed him Chicago River water

136. Lower him into a vat of acid, an inch an hour

137. Bury him up to his neck on the beach at low tide

138. Bury him up to his neck in your yard, and run over him with the    
     lawnmower

139. Stuffing is flammable

140. Electric chair pre-execution tester

141. See how much current you can send through him before he gets      
     toasted

142. Substitute the cameras on his show with anti-matter accelerators

143. Drown him in a waste treatment plant

144. Get him to clean up Superfund sites, without protective gear

145. Make him drink the ink of 40,000 Marsh 88 markers

146. Toss meat sauce on him and then leave him at a dog pound

147. Tell Barney there's a trampoline at the bottom of the Grand Canyon

148. Tell him that Baby Bop left him for Dudley the Dragon

149. Show him your "super-de-duper" Smith and Wesson

150. Pour honey on him in front of a bear

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