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150 Ways to Kill the Purple DinosaurSubmitted By: AngelaValleyGirl
1. Make him watch his own show 2. Shove his head in a floppy drive, and type "format a:" 3. Nitroglycerin suppository 4. Dr. Kevorkian approved suicide kit 5. Paper cuts from hate mail 6. Date with Lorena Bobbitt and Tonya Harding 7. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu 8. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open) 9. Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!" 10. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide 11. Fed through an office paper shredder (This one requires the help of a part-time courier!) 12. Bungee jumping with cord tied around neck 13. 1000 RPM merry-go-round 14. Tail caught in elevator doors 15. Home lobotomy kit 16. Swarmed by killer bees 17. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel 18. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow) 19. Acupuncture with a nail gun 20. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven 21. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition! 22. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during re-entry 23. Recreate the Challenger accident, with Barney playing substitute teacher 24. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full 25. "I love you" song triggers avalanche 26. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train 27. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY 28. Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature 29. Crushed between plates in a fault line 30. Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties (would you like McFries with that?) 31. Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what can happen to you if you don't wear your seatbelt 32. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study 33. Plummet into an active volcano 34. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants (Find out if this torture method REALLY works!) 35. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer 36. Take him off Prozac 37. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills 38. Spontaneous combustion 39. Bent, folded and mutilated by the Post Office (We deliver for you!) 40. Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin 41. The plague 42. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson 43. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop 44. Massage with a stun gun 45. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie 46. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank 47. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a red shirt 48. Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt 49. Assimilation by the Borg 50. Diplomatic mission to the Ferengi 51. Paint him green & give him to Gallagher for his Sledge-o-matic 52. Confine him with Marvin the Paranoid Android (Douglas Adams) 53. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge 54. Barney scrapple 55. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa 56. Tell Tipper Gore he sings on how to masturbate 57. Use Barney as new head of U.N. Weapons Inspection Team in Iraq! 58. Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw 59. Get the San Diego Chicken to kill him for REAL! 60. Make a Barney Slinky today with one of those fancy potato spiral makers! 61. Sexual battery suit involving Baby Bop 62. Stick him in Jurassic Park for just five minutes....PLEASE! 63. Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left 64. Have him magically turn the classroom into a vacuum ... watch his body explode 65. Sew his lips to his rectum 66. Bury all but his head in an anthill. Cover with honey 67. Send him to Miami in a rented car 68. Move the set of the show to an actual inner-city classroom 69. Let him take a New York Subway at night 70. Tie him up, hanging from the ceiling. Give bats to little Mexican kids, and tell them he's a piņata Note: You can actually get piņatas that look like Barney at Toys R Us 71. Tell him Jimmy Hoffa was a bad man and he should tell it to the Teamsters 72. Send him to Cuba with a T-shirt saying "Fidel Sucks" 73. Strap him to the back of a Ford Pinto, then rear-end it into the side of a GMC truck 74. Drop him from a bridge onto the in-bound lane of the Boston Expressway 75. Slap some antlers on his head and send him into the woods during November 76. Nail his feet to his shoulders and use him as the Jamaican bobsled in the 1998 Winter Olympics 77. Take him into space and put him into a decaying orbit 78. Make him the next astronaut to go to Space Station Mir 79. Toss him into a blast furnace 80. Tell the kids of the world that Barney wants you to eat your vegetables 81. There is the old "Cement Overshoes", but that could be considered water pollution 82. Make him write, "I will not be a demon sent from the lowest depths of hell" 100 times with a piece of chalk only 1/4 inch long 83. Lob a can of Nitro-nine under his purple butt 84. Have him stand under the space shuttle during the next launch 85. Send him to Africa as famine relief 86. Target practice 87. Send him on a candlelight tour of the Wilson Dynamite factory 88. Cruise missile target 89. Let Saddam Hussein use Barney as human shield 90. "Charlie Manson? This is your new cell-mate." 91. Take him bungee jumping. Forget to secure bungee cord 92. Cast him in place of Mr. Bill on "The Mr. Bill Show" 93. Cut off his arms and say "Where's that 'great big hug' *now*!?!" 94. Use him as evidence to prove that the acceleration of gravity is 9.8 m/s2 on Earth. Oh! and make sure that it is off of the Sears tower too 95. Bazooka blast to the cranium 96. Nuclear Bombs. Nuff said 97. Drown him in gasoline and then set it ablaze 98. Freeze him with liquid nitrogen, and repeat step 70 99. See if liquid helium has similar effects 100. Microwave ovens work wonders 101. Have him climb trees near overhead power lines 102. Let HIM tell the baseball leagues they're not getting their raise 103. Tell the Menedez Boys he is in cahoots with their parents 104. DRANO milkshakes 105. Have him apply at Oscar Meyer as "Hot Dog Filler" 106. Make him wear a pentagram and send him to a Baptist church 107. Let him drink the water in Guadalahara 108. Make him tell Rush Limbaugh he's a sissy 109. A Black Hole 110. "Gee Mr. Barkley, I can play basketball better than you......." 111. Give him the box from Hellraiser and tell him it's a Rubix Cube 112. Fill the sandbox with quicksand 113. Tie him under a huge magnifying glass on a real sunny day 114. Put him in an old car that's being put in the crusher 115. Introduce him to a pit bull 116. Stuff him down the garbage disposal 117. Give him drowning lessons 118. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife 119. Harpooned by a whaling ship 120. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of Barney? 121. Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases 122. Send him to a cannibal infested island 123. Make him stick his head in a paper shredder, or a garbage disposal, or a lawn mower 124. Tie him to the back of a semi. Drive over very hard surfaces 125. Send him so Spain for "The running of the bulls" Tie weights to his feet 126. Throw him in a shark pit 127. Throw him in a alligator pit 128. Send him to Africa wearing KKK clothes 129. Give Barney a gasoline shower and then make him smoke. 130. Get a doctor to prescribe him Redux, or Phen-fen 131. Tell Newt Gingrich that Barney's on welfare and watch him go nuts 132. Tell Michael Jackson there is a little boy inside the costume 133. Perform dentistry on him with a Black & Decker drill, using a really big bit 134. Force feed him Hudson River water 135. Force feed him Chicago River water 136. Lower him into a vat of acid, an inch an hour 137. Bury him up to his neck on the beach at low tide 138. Bury him up to his neck in your yard, and run over him with the lawnmower 139. Stuffing is flammable 140. Electric chair pre-execution tester 141. See how much current you can send through him before he gets toasted 142. Substitute the cameras on his show with anti-matter accelerators 143. Drown him in a waste treatment plant 144. Get him to clean up Superfund sites, without protective gear 145. Make him drink the ink of 40,000 Marsh 88 markers 146. Toss meat sauce on him and then leave him at a dog pound 147. Tell Barney there's a trampoline at the bottom of the Grand Canyon 148. Tell him that Baby Bop left him for Dudley the Dragon 149. Show him your "super-de-duper" Smith and Wesson 150. Pour honey on him in front of a bear
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