This Kind of Thing Keeps Happening...

The Long & Unpleasant Saga of Cynthia Sobkowich

A while ago, we at The Church of Tina recieved the following email from someone who was responding to our web site:


Date: Sat, 13 Jul 1996 04:07:26 -0700
From: Cynthia Sobkowich <urhealth@global2000.net>
Organization: Global Marketing Group
Subject: Blasfimy! Blasfimy! Blasfimy Blasfimy

Get a life you bunch of wierdo's!

We're well used to receiving mail like this, and frequently we simply ignore it. However, on this occasion, the person sending the message obviously had some problems, not the least of which, judging by her spelling, is the lack of a formal education. So we responded as follows:


To: Cynthia Sobkowich <urhealth@global2000.net>
From: The Church of Tina Chopp
Subject: Re: Blasfimy! Blasfimy! Blasfimy Blasfimy

not until you learn to spell blasphemy!!!  8)

TINA CHOPP IS GOD! PRAISE HER OR DIE!!!

regards
Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU
High Priest
The Church of Tina Chopp
http://www.ebeneezer.net/

>Get a life you bunch of wierdo's!
>
>

Well, apparently Cynthia Sobkowich, (who can be reached at urhealth@global2000.net or info@moneytalks.com) felt that it was her "god given duty" to attempt to cram her so-called "god's" so-called truth down our throats, because she replied as follows:


From: "Cynthia Sobkowich" <info@moneytalks.com>
To: The Church of Tina Chopp
Date: Fri, 16 Aug 1996 21:21:57 +0000
Subject: You Better Change Whatever Your Smokin!

People who claim to be God (David K from Texas) usually end up
where he is.  I suppose your sick bunch of people are having sex
with little girls and other people's wives too!  And you probably
think it's great.  Like a said - 

Get a life you bunch of losers!!

>not until you learn to spell blasphemy!!!  8)
>
>TINA CHOPP IS GOD! PRAISE HER OR DIE!!!
>
>regards
>Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU
>High Priest
>The Church of Tina Chopp
>http://www.ebeneezer.net/
>
>>Get a life you bunch of wierdo's!
>>
>>

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Cynthia Sobkowich
Global Marketing Group
1-800-326-2573
http://www.moneytalks.com/dti.html

BE     the master of your destiny, don't let fate control you.
YOUR   destiny is what you make it.  Choose wisely.
OWN    your business, don't let your business own you.
BOSS?  Who needs one when you can be your own?
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````

From our point of view this was starting to get a little bizarre, but (as you may have guessed) we at The Church of Tina thrive on the bizarre, so we responded again:


To: Cynthia Sobkowich <urhealth@global2000.net>
From: The Church of Tina Chopp
Subject: Re: You Better Change Whatever Your Smokin!

>People who claim to be God (David K from Texas) usually end up
>where he is.

as far as i know, nobody here ever claimed to *be* God. of course,
like all "True Religions" we claim to have personal knowledge of
God that nobody else has, and (unlike the other "True" religions)
we can *prove* that we have personal knowledge of God that
nobody else has.

as for where david koresh and his crowd ended up, i'd like to
know where that is. as far as i've been able to tell they ended
up in the ash heap. if you have any further knowledge about this
please stick it up your ass.

thanks

> I 
>suppose your sick bunch of people are having sex with little
>girls and other people's wives too!  And you probably think
>it's great. Like a said - 

the fact that you have discerned us to be a "sick bunch of
people" proves that you don't have anywhere near as much humour
in your body as you should, and are probably very similar to, if
not actualy one of those people who have a reputation for
killing people in the name of jesus; beating young children and
old ladies to death in the process of "delivering" them from
"demons", etc., etc., etc....

i have personally been assaulted by a group of "christians" who
wanted to "cast demons out of me" because i wouldn't agree with
them instantaneously when they told me that they were right and
i was wrong.

correct me if i'm off the mark here, but that doesn't seem to me
to be very much like the way jesus taught his followers to act.

until "christians" *deserve* a better reputation than they have,
i'm going to remain a happy Tinite and fuck you!

>
>Get a life you bunch of losers!!
>

if all the excitement you ever get in your life is to flame
people like me, who never did anything to you and don't even
know who you are, then my life is already infinitely more
entertaining, productive and useful than yours will ever be. get
yourself a life, bonehead!

>
>TINA CHOPP IS GOD! PRAISE HER OR DIE!!!
>

TINA CHOPP IS GOD! PRAISE HER OR DIE!!!

regards
Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU
High Priest     -----     The Church of Tina Chopp
http://www.ebeneezer.net/

Who ever thought that something like this could go on for so long. If we've learned one thing from this whole interchange, it is never to underestimate the zealousness and stupidity of a "christian". The next day, we recieved the following response from Cynthia:


From: "Cynthia Sobkowich" <info@moneytalks.com>
To: The Church of Tina Chopp
Date: Sat, 17 Aug 1996 05:52:50 +0000
Subject: Re: You Better Change Whatever Your Smokin!

"Thou shalt not have strange gods before me"

I rest my case -

You people flamed Destiny as "evil".  You guys need your heads
examined and if your god is some chick named Tina Chopp, well
you must live on Mars somewhere.

And you call yourself a reverend using language like that??  No
reverend who is a follower of Jesus Christ talks like that - so,
my weird little moron - you go kiss Tina Chopps ass because
that's about as close to heaven and you'll ever get!  You'll end
up right beside David and company

	Tina Chopps - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA


At this point we were beginning to wonder about Cynthia's motivation for writing to us; whether she might be a True Tinite who was trying to test us, or, on the other hand, possibly a form of the Anti-Tina, sent from Safeway, to torment us. Therefore we decided to rest in the knowledge of Tina and "walk the talk" as the new-agers might say. Our response was as follows:


To: Cynthia Sobkowich <urhealth@global2000.net>
From: The Church of Tina Chopp
Subject: Re: You Better Change Whatever Your Smokin!

>"Thou shalt not have strange gods before me"
>
>I rest my case -
>

hmm... my guess is that by quoting the bible you hope to make
some kind of impression on me. to be honest, the fact that
you've continued this flame  war far further than most people
that respond to The Church's web site makes much more of an
impression on me than mindless spouting of mind-control drivel
(which was, by the way, completely invented by Tina Chopp in
1873) ever would.

and if you think about it from a historical point of view, the
proto-judaic deity we know as JHWH was one of a polytheistic
pantheon of which he was the God of Wrath and Jealousy. after
that pantheon's "civil war" JHWH emerged as "victor" and he's
been the "one in charge" ever since.

like you care...

>
>You people flamed Destiny as "evil".  You guys need your heads
>examined and if your god is some chick named Tina Chopp, well
>you must live on Mars somewhere.
>

not that i believe you'd care to know that much, nevertheless i
feel constrained to point out to you that, first of all, The
Church of Tina Chopp does *not* believe that "some chick" is God.
that would be ludicrous. we *KNOW* that God's name is really Tina
Chopp. The Form of Tina is beyond that of a mere human being,
and, although we have heard of many *people* named Tina Chopp,
we know that they are related to The True Tina in the way your
shadow is related to you. secondly, we do *not* live on mars, we
*do* live on Planet X-38 which is located in the trans-martian
asteroid belt and cannot be viewed from earth with the naked eye.

like i said, i'm pretty sure you could care less... pearls before
swine, i guess... oops, that's another bible quote, what was
i thinking...

>And you call yourself a reverend using language like that??
>No reverend who is a follower of Jesus Christ talks like that

despite the fact that i never *claimed* to be a follower of jesus
christ, it might surprise you to know that i actually *am* an
ordained christian minister. i am also a practicing hindu, a
zoroastrian, a whirling dervish, a yetinsyn and an erisian.

big fucking deal.

> - so, my weird little moron - you go 
>kiss Tina Chopps ass

see! even *you* are Tinite! even though you don't believe it or
accept it, it's true! EVEN YOU ARE TINITE!!

and there's NOTHING you can do about it! you always will be AND
ALWAYS HAVE BEEN a follower of the Great God Tina Chopp and the
doctrines of Her Son, The Holy Snake Ebeneezer Squeezer!

have you sacrificed your vegetables today?!?

>because that's about as close to heaven and you'll ever 
>get!  You'll end up right beside David and company - 
>

david who?

Thy Own Self
Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU
High Priest     -----     The Church of Tina Chopp
http://www.ebeneezer.net/

At this point we figured that if Cynthia really were a Tinite, she would recognize the True Teachings of Snake Destiny and be reassured. So we sent her a copy of The Book of Rude just to make sure. Her response contained one line, the subject line:


From: "moneytalks" <info@moneytalks.com>
To: The Church of Tina Chopp
Date: Fri, 30 Aug 1996 12:12:05 +0000
Subject: Re: blasphemy!  KEEP SMOKIN THAT STUFF REV. You'll be
         in Chopp h

Chopp what?

Well, after an interchange such as this we simply couldn't keep our curiosity in check, so we proceded to inquire about Cynthia's motivations:


To: Cynthia Sobkowich <urhealth@global2000.net>
From: The Church of Tina Chopp
Subject: i'm curious

if you hate our stuff so much, what ever possessed you to look
at our web site in the first place?

regards
Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU
High Priest  --  The Church of Tina Chopp
http://www.ebeneezer.net/

At this point, we decided that if she really did hate Tina, it might be instructive for us to learn exactly why she felt that way. She responded in rather an incomprehensible manner, indicating to us that she was beginning to slip over the edge from rationality to blind belief very quickly:


From: "moneytalks" <info@moneytalks.com>
To: The Church of Tina Chopp
Date: Fri, 30 Aug 1996 20:24:52 +0000
Subject: Re: i'm curious

I was looking up Destiny Telecomm and your site came up on the
search because you people have a message in there saying that
people in Destiny must Repent!  HA HA HA HA HA  

We'll repent all the way to the bank my friend!

This type of garbage warps the minds of our children.  This type
of garbage is the cause of Drug use and Alcohol abuse in our
children because you simply have to be using acid, speed, pot,
meth-anphetimine or whatever hilucenatory agent it would take to
dream up this dribble and truly BELIEVE it!

I feel sorry for your poor parents!  They must be so ashamed of
the thing they produced as a child that I'll be very surprised if
they even associate with you and the rest of your wierdling
friends.

I certainly was not looking to be put on a mailing list for such
filth and defamation of the christian religions and condem the
fact that you have the actual NERVE to send me your ridiculous
writings.  What a joke!  Your clan will follow the likes of David
Karesh and Jim Jones and probably Hitler as well.  So don't pass
yourselves off as these people of love because you're nothing but
a bunch of idiots feeding off of the weak minds of those that
would believe one iota of this garbage you spew and believe in.

I WILL be taken off of this list NOW.  My children look at my
E-Mail quite often and I don't EVER want them knowing that things
like you exist. 

GET LOST!
> if you hate our stuff so much, what ever possessed you to look
> at our web site in the first place?
> 
> regards
> Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU
> High Priest  --  The Church of Tina Chopp
> http://www.ebeneezer.net/
> 
> 

We have been criticized before. We have even been declared "Blasphemous and Anti-Christian" by The Best of the Christian Web, but we have never been compared to Hitler before, and are unable to make the connection at all. We therefore decided that the friendly approach was getting us nowhere and that this was turning into Cynthia's personal vendetta, so we responded as follows:


To: Cynthia Sobkowich <urhealth@global2000.net>
From: The Church of Tina Chopp
Subject: RE:i'm curious

>I was looking up Destiny Telecomm and your site came up on the
>search because you people have a message in there saying that
>people in Destiny must Repent!  HA HA HA HA HA  
>
>We'll repent all the way to the bank my friend!
>

your response intrigues me.

if you were searching one of the standard search engines (yahoo,
lycos, opentext, etc.) for the string "Destiny Telecomm" you hit
on our site because it contains the keywords "Destiny" and
"Telecomm", not because of any statement about "people in destiny
must repent". in fact, as i am the html author for the entire
site, i can, with a great deal of confidence, assure you that our
site *DOES NOT*  contain such a statement.

also, i'm not sure what you mean about repenting "all the way to
the bank"... we're not out to make money, we're not even asking
for money. if your "god" is *paying* you to be so obnoxious to me
(us) then maybe you will "repent all the way to the bank" but if
not, i think i will continue to enjoy what i'm doing a lot more
than anything anyone could *pay* me to do anyway...

>This type of garbage warps the minds of our children.  This
>type of garbage is the cause of Drug use and Alcohol abuse
>in our children because you simply have to be using acid,
>speed, pot, meth-anphetimine or whatever hilucenatory agent
>it would take to dream up this dribble and truly BELIEVE it!
>

your spelling is atrocious. my impression is that you don't have
to take drugs to be stupid.

you would make a lot better impression on people in general and
people like me specifically if you were to do something as simple
as learn how to use the spelling checker on your word processor.

or maybe go to school...

the correct spellings are: "methamphetimine," "hallucinatory,"
and "drivel"...

not only that, but you seem to be labouring under the illusion
that we actually *believe* the stuff that's posted on our site.
while that may be true to a certain extent, we are also *acutely*
aware of the fact that *WE MADE IT ALL UP OURSELVES!* we are *NOT*
trying to "replace" God in peoples' minds, we are trying to
*JOLT* people, and we are *quite* successful at that, as you may
have noticed. The Church of Tina Chopp exists as a humourous
response to a lot of the hypocrisy and inconsistency we see in
all world religions, and as a way to illustrate that hypocrisy
and inconsistency in a way that other people can see as well.

furthermore we *DO NOT* encourage people to take illegal drugs.
neither do we *discourage* people from taking illegal drugs. that
is a choice every person must make for themselves, and as
responsible individuals we cannot hope to have *any kind* of
control over other peoples' lives (unlike many world religions).

the *PRIMARY* purpose of our site is to make people sit up and
take notice. it is a joke. we are doing this to jar people out
of their false sense of security. to make them realize that the
world and the people in it are not part of some "pie-in-the-sky"
superstition about god and jesus. this is the real world here!
if you're not prepared to look at it with a sense of humour then
you're obviously not prepared to participate in the real world
at all, regardless of what "god" you're worshipping!

>I feel sorry for your poor parents!  They must be so ashamed of
>the thing they produced as a child that I'll be very surprised
>if they even associate with you and the rest of your wierdling
>friends.  
>

not that it's any of your business, but my parents were
physically and emotionally abusive to me and my three siblings
throughout my childhood. i experienced more pain and anguish at
the hands of my parents than you could ever dream of. my parents
were ogres... monsters... *EVIL* people!

i haven't wanted to associate with *them* and i actually
*haven't* associated with them for almost 15 years!

it's spelled "weirdling"... and i'm not even going to go into
the actual *meaning* of the word, because if you realized how
complimentary it actually is you might retract your statement.

>I certainly was not looking to be put on a mailing list for
>such filth and defamation of the christian religions and condem
>the fact that you have the actual NERVE to send me your
>ridiculous writings.  What a joke!  Your clan will follow the
>likes of David Karesh and Jim Jones and probably Hitler as well.
>So don't pass yourselves off as these people of love because
>you're nothing but a bunch of idiots feeding off of the weak
>minds of those that would believe one iota of this garbage you
>spew and believe in.  
>

if you didn't want to be put on the mailing list you shouldn't
have written to us in the first place. unlike a lot of places,
we edit our mailing list by hand. if you had written to some
other organizations i can think of you would have been put on an
obnoxious computerized mailing list and your flames would have
gone to a machine which would not have been able to understand
or respond...

AND YOU WOULD *STILL* BE ON THEIR MAILING LIST!

we defame the christian religion because it deserves to be
defamed... along with *EVERY OTHER RELIGION IN THE WORLD!* if you
can give me *ONE* good reason why i should *NOT* defame the
christian religion then *maybe* i will consider saying something
nice about it. in the mean time think about the crusades,
especially the children's crusade, or the middle east, or
northern ireland, or any number of the other "holy" wars that
were started by the christian religion. i thought your "god"
said "THOU SHALT NOT KILL"...

by the way, it's "condemn," and "Koresh"...

>I WILL be taken off of this list NOW.  My children look at my
>E-Mail quite often and I don't EVER want them knowing that
>things like you exist. 
>

if you don't want your children to look at your email then learn
to use one of the infinite variety of practically "dumb-proof"
computer security software packages that are available... or get
them their own email accounts or something a lot more simple and
less time consuming than flaming me. i get the impression that
you're blaming *me* for your lack of computer security. i may
work for a high-end software development company but i'm
certainly not *that* powerful...

besides, if they learn about such things now they'll be a lot
more prepared for the real world than they will be if they have
to wait until they're adults to learn. not only that, but if
you're worth your salt as a parent you will *TELL* your children
about such things, so that they won't be surprised when they
encounter them on their own! that's certainly what *i* do with
*my* children!

>GET LOST!

in your dreams!

Thy Own Self
Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU
High Priest  --  The Church of Tina Chopp
http://www.ebeneezer.net/

That simply wasn't enough for Cynthia. She subsequently forwarded the response above to our ISP and demanded to have our account cancelled. We recieved a copy of our Postmaster's very thoughtful and measured response:


Date: Sun, 1 Sep 1996 17:02:41 -0700 (PDT)
From: Joe Portman <baron@ws4.aa.net>
Reply-To: Joe Portman <baron@ws4.aa.net>
To: moneytalks <info@moneytalks.com>
cc: The Church of Tina Chopp
Subject: Re: (Fwd) Re: i'm curious

On Sat, 31 Aug 1996, moneytalks wrote:

> To whom it may concern,
> I have made complaint regarding this individual and if
> something is not done to cancel his account I will go to the
> Attorney General and see to it that something is done about it.

This appears to be a private dispute between you and the person
in question.

I suggest that if you do not want to receive any email from this
person, simply have your email program drop the email. Any good
commercial email program is fully capable of such filtering. 

Since there is nothing threatening, obscene or illegal in the
post you have sent me as an example, it would be unethical for
us to take action against an account holder who is currently in
good standing. 

I will advise them that you don't want to communicate with them,
but that is really under your control.

Just like unwanted postal mail, you are free to discard unwanted
email unopened, without reading it's possibly annoying contents. 

If you have evidence of illegal activity to present, then please
do so. 

> I will not tolerate this 
> kind of rubbish coming into my home and I want this person's
> account cancelled or else!

What you bring into your home (or your computer) is entirely your
decision. From the email below, it appears that you subscribed to
a mailing list, but you don't like the contents. Simply
unsubscribe and I'm sure you won't receive any more of that
annoying email. 


Have a nice day!

Respectfully,

Joe Portman
postmaster@aa.net

Well, we thought that was going to be the end of the story, but then we got another message from cynthia...

pretty horizontal line