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Tough Love: Dude In Distress
They hooked up and had fun - but now she's pinning the blame on him!
February 22, 2001
Head over to What's Up With My Penis? Post-masturbation migraine? To the doctor you must go!
- Leah
Dear Leah,
Ever since last year, I had liked this girl at my school. At the end of that year, I found out that she liked me back, but it was too late as I was taking off for summer vacation.
The next year (this year), I come back and I find out she still likes me, but once again I hold back, because there's a considerable age difference between us (at least at this age, she's 15 and I'm 18). Well, her friends start pushing me into asking her our, saying she can't stop talking about me to them and to her parents, so I gave in, partly because I like her and partly because I had never had a girlfriend before that. She says yes, and apparently she's very happy. Here comes the sad (at least for me) part.
Exactly one week later, after the final performance of the play at our school, I'm taking her home when we both decide we want some "time together". We find some quiet place and start messing around (just petting, nothing heavier than that). After a while, she tells me that we had gone too fast and that we should slow down. I completely agree with her and tell her that I'm sorry, but that it was both our faults, as neither one of us made a move to stop it. She agrees and i take her home. As I'm on my way home, a wave of fear hits me like a brick and I started to cry when I got home. The next day, I decided to take the bus to school, so I can see her and talk to her. As she walked by the aisle, she passes me, so I called her over. Suddenly she tells me that she can't trust me and that she's breaking up with me. I calmly told her that we should take time off instead, playing it cool, and think about what happened, and not tell anyone. She agreed and we went on our way. After the 1st period is over, one of her friends comes up to me and hits me with this line "What did you do to her!" I was completely devastated. It was a double slap in the face for me! The first thing she does is she goes and tells everyone that something happened, but not only that, she lied and changed the events of what happened! I had planned on keeping this to myself, as i usually don't tell anyone about my problems, but it was just too much to handle by myself.
Now it's 2 months later and everything has cooled down, no one remembers (or talks about) what happened, just know that we broke up. My problem is that I still hold feelings for her. One personality trait about me is that I'm a very forgiving person. There is probably no guy (male) as forgiving or as kind as me, and I'm willing to forgive her for lying and making up a story, but I don't know how SHE feels. I've noticed that she sneaks peeks at me every once in a while, and this semester (this all happened in December, last semester) she joined my choir class, which she knew was one of my favorite classes, and her parents even invited me to her birthday party (indirectly through a friend, but my ex's mother knew I was the only one who would've been able to take that friend to the party) in January, which was a shock to me because she had told them (at least I think she told them the truth) about what happened. Her friends are talking to me like if nothing happened, and she had been ignoring me for a while, but she's talking to me again (very little, but she is).
What should I do? I know i still love her but I don't know how she feels. I don't have the guts to confront her about what happened, so I've been asking my friends to ask her friends what's going on. Please help me!
Thankfully,
Distressed
P.S. She's been dressing strangely ever since we broke up, more like a, well, for lack of a subtler word, slut. Also, no one believed her when she made up those lies because everyone in the school knows what I'm like, hell, they were even consoling me instead of her! All I know is I still love her, or at least I think I do.
Distressed, darlin', I think this all has a lot more to do with her than it does with you or anything you did.
Your girl seems to be very confused about growing up and about sex right now. She also seems to be quite immature. I think re-starting a romantic relationship with her could get you into a peck of trouble--at least until she's more grown-up (think "age-of-consent" EVEN if you aren't thinking of sex. If she acts out again, it could come down to her word against yours, and she'll probably get the word out first), emotionally stable, and has figured out how she feels about dating and sexual activity. I find her change of dress very disturbing. It makes me almost feel that she has reason to want trouble.
I think you were very wise and mature to hold back on sex and also to suggest a cooling down period. I think you should use your wisdom and maturity to find a young lady who's closer to your age. As well as a lot more grown up.
I'd stay away from this girl, but in a nice way so that no one says or thinks, "He got what he wanted and dropped her." Definitely don't be alone with her.
- Leah
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