            
|
 Mop-Up Nitro 03.26.01 By Hyatte
-Booker T cuts a promo..... this CHAPTER of "Book"ers life might be ending.... but there are PLENTY of chapters left to go. (The bad news, Stevie Ray got lost and is wandering around in the Table of Contents) -heh ha hah haa.... BWAHAHAHAAAAAAA.... sorry.... don't usually sell my jokes like that... but I got a big kick out of that, my own damn self.... (F-Ing dumb ass EGO!) -Lots of chapters left for Booker.... lots of them. I think Vince and Shane will do right by him. -He didn't. He played it straight. He and Awesome went on road that began last week (more like a crosswalk leading to a brick wall, but go ahead), and will end tonight with NEW tag team champions! Then he told the crowd to rise for the Canuck Anthem. No one did, but he got his anthem, I guess, because we took off for some more.... -commercials -Hmm, why give him his Anthem on the last show? As a sign of thanks for coming over? I would assume. You know, I didn't usually have these detailed conversations with myself. Oh, all right, of course I do. I also pretend to be a Secret Service Agent when I'm walking in a store and talk into my wrist.... -sometimes, when I'm in line at the Grocery story, and a lady in front of me pays by check, and she has to tell the cashier her phone number, I start repeating the number over and over out loud in front of the cashier. Chanting it.... committing it to memory. Talk about scaring the beejeezus out of someone.... booyaaa -Vince McMahon gives WCW a taste of how he abuses his staff by threatening Michael Cole, who barged in on him a Trish with questions about firing WCW Staff members who have FAMILIES.... (just go on Welfare like everyone else? Hell, I conned the Government into thinking I have 4 kids named Toby, Tommy, Teddy, and Christopher Robin. One of them is a homo. I ROLL in the foodstamps every month!) -Tony and Hudson sweat..... freely. Part of this is due to the fact that they aren't used to doing a show that was planned out carefully and with great detail. -Palumbo and O’Hare come out. This match should be a blow-out. -the match got going. Tony said it was a "privilege to have us on board". (of course we're her, Tony.... YOU GUYS HIRED VINCE MCMAHON AWAY FROM HIS OWN COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!! -O’Hare and Palumbo started to work on Storm. Palumbo gave him the "Fall Away Slam" -He then ran over and CLOCKED Awesome. Isn't Palumbo the douchebag who totally blew off a chairshot on Thunder last week and forced Tenay to comment that in 30 years he had NEVER seen anything like that? I wonder if it's too late for him to go be all professional -Tony tried to explain to us that they really have no idea WHAT is in store for them tonight, so if they seem off kilter and flummoxed, it's easy to see why. (Hmmph, I couldn't tell a difference from any other floogin' performance) -"floogin'"? -They fight awhile. Storm and O’Hare start fighting on the outside. Awesome has Palumbo up in a Running Powerbomb. Palumbo slips out and TUNES him with a Thrust Kick. Down goes Awesome. -O’Hare with the Swanton Bomb. BIG pin. STILL the champs! -Very nice. -I'm sorry, but something’s I REFUSE to deal with.... last Nitro or no last Nitro -I do NOT recap the "Shawn & Stacey Show".... NONONONO AND NO!!! -End result, Bam Bam Bigelow lost a tattoo match to Shawn Stasiak. I only have two thoughts about Bam Bam, should he be kept, (and seeing how EVERY wrestling company needs solid mid-carders, I can't see why he won't be kept) -1: Bam Bam will get to know, and grow to despise, a nifty little invention known as a "Scale" once a week. -2: If the XFL doesn't start cooking, we may see some old glories be re-lived by watching Bam Bam challenge the entire league one at a time. -William Regal (HEY!!!! COOL!!!) plugs Wrestlemania (on NITRO.... it's still mind blowing, even after 2 days) advises Mr. McMahon that WCW "is a bloody awful place and the nonsense that goes on over there is unbelievable!" Vince assures him that he has matters well at hand. I half-expected Regal to chuck the WCW cameras the finger after that. -commercials -"Diamond" Dallas Page didn't work tonight, he might have not even have been there, but he did cut a promo at a beach where he thanked all the wrestling fans for giving a kid from New Jersey a break. (KID????? WHERE???). He is sad that WCW is at it's end, but somehow, he thinks he'll be reaching new levels of "bangatude" Then he sent shout-outs to his boys "Stone Cold" and "Cactus". (and so, the worm begins his dig into a NEW tunnel) -well, no WONDER he didn't show up. That man has a little something called "Job Security" -video package flashing shots of great WCW champs in history. If you think I'm running through them all, you're out of your skulls. -commercials -Vince is just about ready to do his thing. -Flex Elixer and Kid Romeo come out. Rey Rey and Kidman come out. This is not important... -what IS important is what Schiavone said during this.... what Tony Schiavone, who wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful if ordered not to..... Tony hit us with a little mini-shoot. -Concerning Regal, and after assuring us that it's Vince's money and he can do what he wants with it.... and that he is ONLY doing this because of his absolute adoration of his company.... -Tony, that sumBITCH.... damn near makes up for THE LAST 4 YEARS by saying, "To hear THEIR.... Commissioner..... RIP WCW? Come ON! I mean.... we had to do some crazy things, STEVE Regal, including PUTTING YOUR ASS OVER ON TELEVISION!!!!" (YEAH!!!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!!! I'VE WAITED FOUR F-ING YEARS FOR THE MIGHTY SCHIAVONE TO BREAK SCRIPT!!!!!!!!! THE MAN HAS GOT A PAIR AFTER ALL!!!!! GOD BLESS TONY SCHIAVONE!!!! FINALLY, THE VOICE OF WC-F-ING-W!!!! -Here's what I want.... one night.... one show.... Ross and Schiavone calling the matches.... with a bottle of bourbon between them. Set the VCRs and watch the fists fly!!! -man... awesome. -Hudson, OBVIOUSLY stunned, and maybe amused.... tried to re-focus Tony by talking up the four men in the ring.... the future of Wrestling! Tony got back into it by declaring, "It's the one thing WCW does better than ANYone!" (he's not lying, yo.) -Kidman spent most of the match in there, and took some beatdowns. He tagged in Mysterio and Flicker took a Bronco Buster. -Kidman hit Slipper with the Kid Crusher and won the tag belts for his team. I have no more energy left. -STING was backstage, surrounded by bats. He cut a promo about not missing this night for anything and how it'll be great to get one "final shot" at Ric Flair, and as far as the future holds for the Stinger, well, "Nuthin's fer sure". It's SHOWTIME folks! -The man put more energy, enthusiasm, and JOY into that 30 second spot than he has in YEARS! It's nice of Sting to show up.... in EVERY sense of the word. -commercials -I went this far without wishing some sort of painful, slow, excruciating death of Rikki Rachtman.... I won't kill my good spirits by doing so now. -screw it... I HOPE SOMEONE INJECTS RIKKI RACTMAN WITH BATTERY ACID RIGHT BETWEEN HIS TOES SO HE CAN FEEL HIS BODY BURN FROM THE INSIDE AS THE ACID TRAVELS UP HIS LEGS, THROUGH HIS PENIS AND BALLS, INTO IS ABDOMINALS AND INTO HIS HEART!!!! I HOPE HE LIVES JUST LONG ENOUGH FOR THE EHART TO WEAKLY PUMP THE ACID INTO HIS BRAIN SO HIS EYES EXPLODE AND THE LAST THING HE FEELS IS HIS BRAIN STARTING TO MELT BEFORE HE DROPS DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!!! I DON'T CARE IF YOUR BRAIN DOESN'T FEEL ANYTHING, IT'S MY HOPE, IT'S MY FANTASY!!! -thank you -Vince McMahon is on his way. -Ric Flair comes out. In his robe. He is wearing a T-shirt. Well, the CEO is allowed to gain few pounds. -commercials -Sting came out. The match is on. -Tony and Hudson waste NO time in referencing the first Clash of the Champions where these two boys went at it for 45 minutes straight and they did it, directly opposite Wrestlemania 4. (the only thing I remember about that, as they faced each other down, Flair calmly reached across and gently felt up Sting's bicep.... but he did it in a NON-gay way. I thought it was the coolest move) -Sting shoulderblocked Flair down. Flair popped back up.... he backed up and re-planned his strategy. -Sting is backed into the corner.... WHOO, WHOO, WHOO -after the fourth WHOO, Sting reverses things and does it himself -Flair eats a dropkick.... Flair rolls out to stop the momentum. -They bounce off the ropes. Sting goes for a leapfrog.... Flair grabs the ropes and stops. Both men smile. Hudson says, "They are putting on a show". Both men enjoy the moment. -Sting with the Gorilla Slam. -"Corner Punch-Away" by Sting. You can eat me. -Flair pushes Sting away. Stands there. Falls on his face. -oo, low blow by Flair. -Flair with the snap mare.... followed by the corner knee drop. -Flair climbs to the top turnbuckle. Sting catches him. Flair yells "NOOOOO!" Has that EVER worked? -Flair holds the ropes again and Sting misses a dropkick -Flair with the Figure Four. Sting reverses it! -Flair chops away.... Sting doesn't sell any of them. -Flair is sent into the corner... goes for his flip. Misses it entirely.... Father Time is a rotten old bastard. -Sting with the Superplex. -Scorpion Deathlock. -Flair submits.... Sting wins. -Sting and Flair hug... many times. Hudson thanks Steve Borden and Ric Flair for everything. Flair seems a little stunned. -The hugs continue until they cut to... -RAW, which I covered in the RAW recap. -NITRO ends with Shane in the middle of the Nitro ring.... well, actually, it ends with a plug for Wrestlemania.... which really does sum everything up rather neatly, as well as harshly. -I refuse to mention the production glitches, why bother? I am feeling.... I don't know.... it's weird. -Hey, FINALLY..... I simply cannot imagine what will happen next! Took them 8 months to deliver on that promise! I have no idea WHO to give the night to. Oh, who am I kidding.... Nitro wins. Okay, I don't know what kind of closer this will be, so let's just forge ahead and see what happens. You know, it occurred to me while watching the Flair/Sting match that they more than likely didn't even TALK about what they were going to do? I like that, on a very basic level. They put on a show. An old school show. No frills, no swerves, no pre-match conditions that were pre-arranged before the match with the booker. One guy gets put over more or he walks.... etc etc etc.... They had fun in there. They really did. Two professionals going out there and having a blast. Flair dumped the whole Heel CEO gimmick. Sting dumped the whole brooding shadow figure gimmick. They just went out there and enjoyed the pleasure of each other's impeccable professionalism. And really, it was a throwback. It served as a celebration of a time when WCW didn't care about ratings, really. It didn't care about driving a stake into the WWF. It cared about giving people their money's worth, first and foremost. It didn't care about whipping peckers out with McMahon and seeing who could spend the most money. I often wondered why WCW took a bad rap on the web. I wondered why I didn't enjoy it as much as I did when Saturday evening was the best time for a wrestling fan. Well, I ENJOYED it, I just didn't care for it more than I cared about the WWF. I think I know why, now. Nitro did not feature the WCW I really liked. It featured the WCW Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff thought was best to attack RAW with. I liked WCW back in the day because it was pure, and sweet when compared to the high gloss cartoonishness of the 80's WWF. It kept things all business in the ring. Yeah, that all ended once Hulk Hogan came in. Which is not to blame him for anything.... it's just to say that the company needed a change and he and Bischoff provided it, but in the transition, they lost the purity of watching two professionals go to work in the ring, the guy who loses having no problem with putting the winner over. Anyway, that's why Nitro never felt like a WCW show that I remember watching on TBS at 6:05. Maybe I'm just getting too old. As far as the future goes? I can honestly say that I have no idea WHAT they plan on doing, but I sort of have this one, idea that I'd like to broadcast. Shane rules WCW, Vince rules the WWF. Since part of the blame for WCW's woes are the fact that the people are used to the same faces and are jaded by the multiple attempts to repackage them, I really think some sort of major talent swap is necessary! The WWF has five major main eventers. Austin, Rock, HHH, Angle, and the UT (yes, the UT.... listen to his pop for once, you punkass). Send two of them to WCW.... any two. just so long as Austin or the Rock are involved. Austin makes a more reasonable fit, but the Rock is a lot more fun. Throw in Eddie, X-Pac, The Big Show, and.... oh I don't know. What I REALLY care about seeing is Shane sending a team into the WWF to wage a war. Flair is a must, because there is no point in life unless we can one day see Flair vs McMahon. O’Hare, because he can give ANY WWF worker a hell of a match, Palumbo, because he's tag partners with O’Hare. Lance Storm, STRICTLY to mess with Benoit. Sting, because it would be a kick... and SCOTT STEINER! Yes, keep Steiner, he's big, he's over, and he's intimidating. If he hangs around a WWF locker room for a while, he might even learn to relax more and behave. Let's go through the money players and see who Vince should hire (assuming, of course, that I have ANY knowledge on this matter...) 1: Nash. Man, he got old in the 5 years he's been there. Too much partying. Hire him, he's over. But keep him on a short leash. 2: Page. Face it, the guy WORKS. He's a pain, but he friends with Austin. He's friends with Foley. And he is a great moral booster and very adept at taking younger guys under his wing. Keep it. 3: Scott Steiner. Hire him. He's over and like I said, he'd make a perfect "Enforcer" as a WCW "Invader" 4: Lex Luger. See ya. Lex was one of the first guys to start complaining during the Bishoff/Russo era. Lex just wants to pose. 5: Buff Bagwell. He can use a re-packaging, I think. He'd make a splendid RTC representative in WCW! If he accepts a pay cut AND agrees not to attack innocent staff members, give him a probationary job. 6: Sting. If he brings the zip he brough6t to the final Nitro? YES. If he doesn't? YES YES! 7: Hogan. Nope. Don't need him anymore. And does Vince really want to deal with a "Control the Book" clause in his contract? here, hire him for half a year JUST to get him into Wrestlemania with Austin or Rocky. 8: Booker T. Is he a big money playa? Who cares, GIVE HIM A RAISE! 9: Jarrett. Sad truth about JJ? He was only over in WCW by default. He's a nice guy and all and I admire him, but he was mostly boring. No dice. 10: I guess that leaves Goldberg: Ummm.... I honestly have no clue. There are positives and there are negatives here.... almost overwhelming on both sides. Sorry, I have to make like a Scaia and stay neutral with my thumb up my unwipped ass.... ooo, squishy. I'm done here. Next week, no Nitro, but maybe I'll have something else up my sleeve. If not next week, then the week after. And stop calling my house just to see if I really posted my number. Yeah, it's me. Remember, we are only four days away from Scaia's big phony news column. It might not be too late to write to him and NICELY BEG him to re-consider Austin wins at Wrestlemania. HHH wins. Angle wins. Raven escapes with a win. The Hardyz break up as E & C wins. Tazz wins. Shane wins. Chyna wins then spits on the chick title. Test wins. Jericho wins. And Pete Rose wins the battle royal by posing as the Gobbly Gooker costume. And, of course, I win.... because I RULE. This is Hyatte
Send Feedback To Hyatte
|
|
