I thought I would introduce myself. It has been so nice to receive e-mails telling me how much you like the Proverbs 31 Bible study. A friend of mine told me yesterday that I sound as though I "have it all together" in it. We laughed about that as she knows me so well. What I hope to convey in it is that I am striving, as I know many of you are, to conform to the image of Christ and to have my home be used for His Glory. With that in mind I thought I would tell you how the Bible study came about.
I have been married 16 years to Art. I prayed since I was sixteen for
God's man for me, and God was faithful to me, even when I was not to Him.
I am 36 with four beautiful children: Quincy (14), Brady(11), Abbie(7),
and Gabe(4). I often look at them now and whisper to God, "You make the
most beautiful children."
When I was pregnant between Abbie and Gabe, I lost a baby at five months
of pregnancy. It was so hard for me because I was very sick with that
baby and in bed much of the time. The fact of the matter was, I was
becoming depressed and feeling God was not listening to me as I cried out
in sickness. Then it got worse... my baby died inside of me without my
knowledge of it for a while.
I was His Child, but I was spending more time reading rough romance
novels, and watching soap operas and movies that I should not have. These
were the words I was meditating on all day. I was spending no time in
His Word except for opening my Bible in church on Sunday morning.
I was a fearful woman who put her children first in her life. Most of
my fears concerned them. In my fear I was critical and frustrated which
caused me to yell at them a lot. My husband didn't know what to make of
me and just tried to cope. We often had heated discussions. I felt as
though everyone was sucking off me, and they were sucking me dry...
I got pregnant two months later with Gabe. Oh, I was so excited. He was
born five weeks early, but there was serious trouble two weeks later.
Before I knew it he had developed pneumonia and was in an oxygen tent in
the hospital fighting to breathe and stay alive. The nurse who was
assigned to us told us he couldn't keep up the striving to breathe as he
was only 4 pounds and that his heart would give out. She was sorry but
she was so swamped with patients and would we call out to her when the
heart monitor went off to signal his heart had stopped so that she could
rush in to tend to him. (I am trembling as I write this and trying not
Well, I cried out to God as never before in that hospital room. He had
taken a baby from me already and was now ready to take one I had seen and
held. I had been a Christian since I was ten, but I did not feel His
peace at all. I didn't feel it because I did not know my Father. I
didn't trust Him in this situation whatsoever. So I started to bargain
with Him. I promised Him I would get up early every morning and get to
know Him if He would heal my Gabe. The heart monitor went off signaling
Gabe's heart had stopped, and I rose to yell for the nurse at my
husband's cry. I pleaded with God as I began to yell for the nurse.
Gabe's heart started to beat again. My husband had been encouraging me
to write a book on saving money on food as I had a knack with that and
had spoken to many women about it. The heart monitor went off again with
a penetrating long and loud buzz that sliced into the room. I rose again
to yell for the nurse at my husband's cry. (My husband just kept staring
at Gabe in the oxygen tent praying for him to live.) I made my second
promise. I promised the LORD I would write for Him to women if He would
heal Gabe. The heart monitor stopped blaring and Gabe's heart started to
beat again. Soon the room was a mass of confusion as they prepared to
rush Gabe by ambulance to San Diego Children's hospital.
One week later the head doctor of the critical care ward came in and told
me that they had no reason why this baby was well. But they were sending
him home. I was so far from God that I did not give Him the praise and
the glory He deserved to that team of doctors. I stood there silent, but
thankful to have Gabe back.
Once I got home, I knew I had to do what I had promised. So I started to
get up at 4:00 a.m., as this was the only time of my day that I could be
alone, and I opened the Bible to the beginning: Genesis. I asked Him to
show me Who He was, and not as I perceived Him to be, as I did not know
Him as I should. And I asked Him to help me love Him with all my heart,
soul, mind, and strength. It was very hard for me to get up at 4:00 a.m.
with a nursing baby, three other children, and home schooling. And I had
always started to read the Bible before, but found it to be too time
consuming and difficult to continue. But I feared God! So morning after
morning I got up to be alone with Him. Soon I was growing and finding
out who God was! And how much He loved me! I couldn't wait to get up
and get into His Word, and many times would get up at 3:30 a.m. to linger
longer with Him.
That was five years ago this November, and my whole life has been
turned upside down with the joy and love and adoration that our great
Heavenly Father brings to me, one of His Chosen Homemakers. I have more
energy than I did before when I was sleeping longer. He multiplies my
time. (I liken this to tithing as it seems you can never afford to tithe,
and then after you start tithing, you can never afford to stop. Likewise
when you "tithe you time" to Him giving Him the first of your day daily.)
And this summer I have had the privilege of almost seeing completed the
book that I promised to Him almost five years ago. The Proverbs 31 Bible
study is the beginning of that book as I have a passion to help
homemakers as God has so wonderfully seen to help me. It was good that I
was afflicted. I no longer read rough romance novels, watch soap operas,
or movies that I shouldn't see. He slowly pulled each one of those out
of my hands. I no longer put my children first, but can see His plan for
the family and try to walk in the Light of His Word on it. I no longer
fear, feel frustrated daily, and yell at those that I love the most. I
ask that I walk at His Pace, doing His Priorities, by His Power, with His
Peace, and with much Praise to Him along the way. I ask that I might
cling, cling, cling to Him and that I never return to the state I was in
before. Because I know that it is only through the power of His Holy
Spirit that I have anything with you to share.
And each morning I get up so excited to see what He will say to me in His
beautiful, beautiful Word. And then I have the pleasure of conversing
with Him as He speaks to me. Intimate conversation in a holy kitchen. I
can handle other's words now so much better in my day because I have
heard The Word first. (My husband told me today that as I share with
other women he can see early morning lights on in kitchens all across
America. It gave me goose bumps when he said that as I know the strength
a homemaker has who is sold out for God and clinging to Him.)
My husband gets up next when I am 3/4's of the way through my Bible
reading, and I have never looked at him with more love than I do now. God
has given me new eyes to see him. He sits next to me and reads His
Bible, which he never did before. My children get up after he leaves for
work, and I cannot believe the change my behavior has had on them. My
eldest son says the change in me caused him to start to read his Bible
through every day for a year (recently accomplished). And then, "my
servants" get up and get going, which has had the most profound effect
on my outlook concerning the running of my home. It was on the umpteenth
time of reading through Proverbs 31, and trying to assimilate the wisdom
taught there, that He opened my eyes to see who my servants were: crock
pot, bread machine, washer, oven, sink, refrigerator, sewing machine, and
many, many more. And then to get them going early in the morning after
He has given me the Living Bread to meditate on all day long.
I am still striving to be all that He wants me to be. I have not
arrived. I still struggle. But as I see Him afresh and anew every
morning, I see He has the power to do anything with anyone who is willing
to let go and let Him have total control. It took me three readings of
His Word to do that. Now I am His Servant, His Slave, His Daughter, and
part of His Glorious Bride! I ask Him to orchestrate my moments into a
life of praise to Him. May He shine, may He shine, may He shine! And
may His Servant, Laine, be forgotten and may Jesus Christ be the
fragrance remembered. I am His Fingerprint, wanting, oh so wanting, to
leave His Impression.
With much love to you all,
"I love you, LORD, my strength."
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