The Groundhog
The really, really underground publication
November, 98

Welcome Back, Folks!!

Well, for those of you that know, this is Groundhog. I’m back. For those of you that don’t know, Groundhog is my pet, my baby, my muffin. Each month, about the 10th, I tried to have an issue out. Basically, it is Amy ranting and raving over whatever is on her mind around the 9th of each month. It’s fun. I’m not on time at all, but hey, for all loyalists, it’s good enough that I’m here at all. I’ve missed you all, and hopefully, you’ve missed me (or at least Groundhog). So, now, you hold in your hand the first UVA edition of the Groundhog. Enjoy.




Out of the Loop

I don’t know about anyone else, but I sure have no idea about what is going on in the world. Ever since I got in college, I have been stuck in a bubble. I know what rank UVA is in college football, but that is about it. Impeachment? What? I seem to have missed something. I have no TV in my room. And if I did, all I would do is play Nintendo. And it’s not as if I don’t have any access to the news. I do. But, well, I just don’t watch or read it. I have no radio. That perhaps hurts me the most. I haven’t heard any new music in the last 4 months. I have, however, rediscovered Bon Jovi. And if that isn’t bad enough, there is a new Pearl Jam CD out. In stores now. Can you believe it?? I can’t. I had NO idea. NONE. Me of all people did not know that a new live CD was even in the works until I saw it on a self today in a music store. Pearl Jam released a CD and NO ONE TOLD ME!! Isn’t that against the law? I personally was embarrassed and offended that Epic Records didn’t feel obligated to inform Pearl Jam’s #1 fan that there was a new CD out. Well. I didn’t know about Hurricane Mitch until a guy I know named Mitch had a headline about it on his door. It was amusing, but I had to ask someone what that was all about. I know nothing about what is going on. So, that is the new motto of Groundhog: "Keeping You Informed." Or maybe not. Maybe someone should keep me informed.

Picks of the Month

Restaurant-McDonald’s- Gosh, I miss Big Macs. Sometimes I dream about them. And then I wake up, thinking that something is missing. Then I figure out that is a Big Mac. What I would give to have one right now.

Animal-Duckbilled Platypus- They just look cool

President- Millard Fillmore- #13, he put the first bathtub in the White House. What a cool guy.

CD REVIEW—Sublime- "40 ounces to Freedom"

Sublime: a good band with a heroine problem. Oh well, it gets the best of those flashy rockstars. "Forty Ounces" was the Sublime CD preceding their immensely successful album simply entitled "Sublime." I like "40 ounces." It is a good CD. It bounces around, has a nice reggae beat and some really amusing lyrics. ("She lies that little slut"—Date Rape, track 18) Bradley Nowell spend the majority of the CD singing about drinking and drugs and guns, so this is NOT something Mom wants to listen to. It deserves the parental advisor sticker. But don’t let the subject matter scare you away from this wonderful CD. Date Rape happens to be one of the best songs on the CD, and it has a moral: being drunk and horny does not pay. Something everyone should take to heart. Other high points in the CD are "Waiting for My Ruca," "40 ounces to Freedom," "Smoke Two Joints,’ and "DJ’s." It’s happy CD and has the official Amy thumbs up.

Abercrombie-Mark of the Devil?

As all of you have most definitely seen in the past year, there has been an explosion of Abercrombie and Fitch. Maybe it has something to do with the whole college thing. I’m not sure. But, I have to say, every other person at UVA is wearing something declaring their allegiance to Abercrombie. I noticed it before I left for college. It isn’t just a UVA thing, although, it may be more prevalent here than, say, VCU. I even own a fair amount of Abercrombie attire. I’m wearing some now, even as I write this. But have you thought about the sudden take over of this clothing giant? How did it become so popular so fast? And how did so many people begin wearing SO much? I have one possibility. Abercrombie is actually the mark of the devil. I wouldn’t be surprised. Would you? What if by simply purchasing a sweatshirt with the Abercrombie banner across it, you are actually selling your soul? You think you are buying a superior article of clothing, but in fact, you are joining a nationwide cult- a cult that secretly worships the devil. I’m not saying that you or I belong to a cult or worship the devil in any way, but what if the devil is marking his own with Abercrombie? I’m not sinless; are you? Think about it.

College Grading Scale (in comparison to High School)
A No one in their right minds would have done that much work
B An enthusiastic A+
D C+
Naps: Gifts From God

Naps are good. With out them, I would die. I get no where enough sleep. When your bedtime hovers somewhere around 2am, there is little chance for getting enough sleep during the night. You should take naps. They are good. My kindergarten teacher the right idea. I wish there was an international naptime. When I am recognized as Empress of the World, I will make there an international naptime. The world would be a happier place.



International Corner

Mis padres no san perdos.

My parents are not dogs. (Spanish)

J’aime les elefants qui mangent pommes.

I like elephants that eat apples. (French)