THE RIGHT WORDS by The Visitor "Xena... I love you." No no no, that’s WAY too obvious. And talk about pressure! It’s gotta be something more romantic, more subtle... "Have I ever told you that I could drown in your eyes?" Drown in your eyes..? What the hell is that?!? Don’t try so hard to be poetic! You’re talking to a warrior here, not a flower child. Just tell her what’s in your heart... "Xena, you’ve captured my heart." Hmmm... ’captured’ sounds a little negative to me. And besides, this whole thing will probably catch her more than a little off guard. I should try and ease into it, try and soften the blow a little.. "Xena, have you ever heard of a writer named Sappho? Well..." Stupid, stupid!! Arggh. Try again, Gabrielle... "Xena, I want to be more than just a friend to you. A LOT more." Not BAD, but it seems a little, I don’t know, needy. But in a way, that’s right, isn’t it? "Xena... I need you." Oooo, that’s good! Maybe I’ll use that. O boy, I hope this turns out. I wonder if this is a good idea? I mean, let’s weigh the pros and cons here. Sure, I have deep feelings for this woman, even though that’s supposedly a little WEIRD, but there you are. And I THINK she has feelings for me. She DID kiss me, after all. I mean, she was dead at the time, but a kiss is still a kiss, am I right? Too bad she was in Autolycus’ body at the time, I would’ve liked to just grab her by the... "Gabrielle!" "AAAAAA!!!!" "Hey, what’s the matter?" Get a grip, Gab! Gee, I hope I’m not flushed. Why is she back so soon?!? I’m not ready! But I promised myself, today is the day. "Hey, you okay? You look a little flushed." Rats!! Deep breaths, Gab. You can do this. Got to get it out in the open, it’s the right thing to do. Just look her in the eye, and... ooo, her eyes are so gorgeous!! Don’t THINK about it! Just talk, you little chatterbox! "Umm, Xena?" "Yeah?" "Ummm, have you ever... I mean, do you, uh, read? " You’re doing this very badly! What are you doing? "Yes. I read, Gabrielle." "Oh, yeah. Heh. Well, umm, have you ever... see, there’s this writer, called, ummm, Sappho? Have...have you heard of her?" *sigh* "No. Should I have?" Idiot! I thought I decided that was TERRIBLE! No wonder I ended up marrying PERDICAS, I’m a DORK! Hurry, before she gets really ticked off! "Xena..I want us to be more than friends." HA! That should get her attention. Nice save. "What do you mean?" Ulp. Why hadn’t I counted on that? Look, she looks pissed! Think of something, fastfastfast... "What I mean is... I need you, Xena. There, I said it." "Need me for WHAT? Gabrielle, we’re wasting daylight here." AAUUUGGHH!! I’m dying over here! I am such a loser!! Go for broke girl! Say it, say it! Give her those three little words that we all dream of hearing. It’s a cliché, sure, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I need some magic, baby, momma needs a new pair of sandals! Nice and slow... breathe deeply... steady, steady... "Xena?" "Yyyyeesssssssss, Gabrielle?" "...You’re SO hot." "R-really?" SCORE!!! "AHEM. I mean, uhh, you... you think so?" Roll with it, nothing to lose now... "OH yeah... your legs, they’re... smooth, and sexy, and all HOT and stuff... And your armour, and the way it goes with your eyes, and your HAIR, wow, that’s REALLY hot. Oh, and your... chest... hey, what can I say, you’ve got a GREAT pair..." I think I’m rambling... actually, I think I’m bordering on sexual assault, but what the hey... "Xena... I’m just really hot for you. I am." "Gabrielle, I... I’ve never heard you talk like this before, I... I never KNEW..." "Yeah, well, I’m full of surprises, you betcha. Yyyyep." She’s not moving... is that a good sign? She looks like a warlord just before her chakrum ricochets into his forehead, just kinda dazed. Maybe I broke her brain or something... Wait, what’s she doing? Grabbing a piece of parchment out of her belt? And handing it to... "W-what’s this?" "It’s for you." Well, don’t just stand there, TAKE it! But what could it be? Maybe a warning about the perils of lustful thoughts in young maidens. Maybe she’s been preparing for this eventuality. Okay, now I’m just being silly. Just read it, whatever it... is... "Xena? Is... is this..?" "It’s... a poem. I wrote it for you. ABOUT you. I mean, I wrote it about you and for you." She... she wrote me a poem? "It’s probably not very good..." XENA wrote me a POEM?!? EEEEEEEE!!! "A pretty bard from Potodeia..." "Oh, don’t read it out LOUD! Oh no..." "From dull surroundings she wished to flee... a." Ouch. "She came to me and joined my life... Rather than be a dull guy’s wife." "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called him dull, it’s just that..." "Hey, it’s okay. The life of the party Perdy wasn’t." And Sappho you ain’t, my dear. Please, it MUST get better... "They called her an annoying brat... wait a second, WHO called me an annoying brat?!?" "Everybody. Don’t you remember?" "Oh... oh yeah. Sorry." If this is meant to be driving me away, it’s WORKING! "...but I know now she is not that. My soul was missing it’s best part, Until she walked into my heart." Awwwww! "Her hair is cool, her abs are lean..." She NOTICED! "She loves me even when I’m mean. I don’t know why she cares for me, I don’t deserve such empathy. But care she does with all her might, I watch her on the long, long nights..." You do..? I mean, she does? "She sleeps so sweetly, all eve long, I try to tell myself, be strong! She couldn’t think of you that way, she’s too fine for you, anyway. Just a hand upon her cheek, bliss so grand I couldn’t speak. I wish that I could bring her joy... ...like she’s brought me, o boy, o boy..." "Well? Whaddaya think?" Be honest... tell her the truth... "Xena... it’s... it’s..." "Yeah..?" "It’s...so... BEAUTIFUL!" "Really? I tried for a long time to find the right words, I was worried..." "Ain’t easy, is it?" "Nope." "Xena?" "Yeah, Gabrielle?" "Maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore." Smartest thing you’ve said all day. CURTAIN.