There's a weight on my chest. Heavy and warm and smellin like sweat and sex. The hair under my chin is soft; no hair spray scratch. The hand layin on my chest is smooth, almost no calluses. Hot moist breath blows across my skin. No snoring. Whoever's half on top of me isn't movin except for breathing. From somewhere I smell vanilla....Toby.

I'm completely awake now. Shifting a little, raising my head, I open my eyes. Toby. Layin against me with a soft smile on his face. Even in the dark I can see how red and swollen his mouth his. From kisses. From my kisses. My arms squeeze tighter around him. A sleepy grumble and ha presses closer to me. I ease back down; don't wanna wake him. He feels too good sleepin in my arms.

Well....fuck. I'm in my pod, our pod, in EmCity in fucking prison; grinnin like I just won the fuckin lottery. Fuck. Finally. It's finally the way it's sup[ose to be. After all the shit and hurt, it's the way it's suppose to be. And God it was so good. Every kiss, every touch. And he was so nervous. Kept asking what to do and finally I had to say I didn't know. Cause fucking I can do. Screwing, sex, sleeping with, hell even folin around. I done all that. But that....what we were doin then; I never done that before.

"Make love with me." He whispered it against my mouth when that first kiss broke. That's what we did. I never did that before. Not with nobody.

With me he said, not to me. And we did. His hands on me, mine on him. My mouth on him, and his voice still soft gasping for breath....

"You don't have to."

"I want to." My voice a husky whisper. And I did want to. I still do. Maybe to make up for the hurt and the lies, and maybe to show him that it can be good with men, and maybe to make him feel good. But really....cause I love him.

So I did it. And it was good. Before it just was. Go down on Vern to stay protected, Go down on some pick-up so he'll roll over and let me fuck him. But not then. Not with him.

And fuck. Oh, fuck. The taste of him and the smell; clean. Even sweaty he smelled and tasted clean. And he moaned and gasped under me and I pulled every trick I ever knew to make it last; to make him moan louder. Then his hands were on my head and I expected to be forced down. But it didn't happen. He just stroked my forehead and my hair,and my neck and shoulders. Everything he could reach. And then he came and I swallowed. Drank him down like wine and loved every fuckin second of it.

And then was pulling me up and we were kissin and it was like he was tryin to crawl in me. And then I was flat on my back with him on top of me. Hands and mouth everywhere and I was the one moanin and movin. And sweet fucking hell-his mouth. That sweet mouth I spent weeks dreamin about just kissin. And I didn't even get to say he didn't have to. Cause he didn't, and that's fuckin bizarre. But it was true.

I looked downand he was lookin up. Lookin me in the eyes and I saw my cock in his mouth, in that sweet mouth. And then he started to swallow and I lost it. Eyes locked and starin at each other; I came in Toby's mouth. He swallowed every fuckin drop.

Then we were kissin again. Him on top of me, arms wrapped around each other. And the words came out before I knew I was gonna say em.

"I love you, Toby." And then I could feel his smile against my skin and a kiss over my heart.

"I love you, Chris." Then we went to sleep.

And then I woke up. So here I am with Toby asleep on my chest and the taste of his cum and kisses in my mouth. And we both smell like sweat and sex, and I can still smell vanilla-I think it's his shampoo. And we both need a shower. And finally, finally. This is the way it's suppose to be.