hetsmut amused girl serial cyril ryan oreily
Before the Yellow Brick Road
by Amused Girl
Jamie McFadden hated the way everyone stared at her as she walked home from school. The worst of all was her cousin Shannon, wouldn't talk to her while she was around her friends and boyfriend. She tried last week to go up and talk to them all while they were hanging out on the stoop.
"Hi Shannon." She said meagerly. Shannon took a hit off her cig, leaving a bright red ring around it. She inhaled very deeply, while trying her best to ignore Jamie. When it was painfully obvious that Jamie wasn't going anywhere Shannon finally acknowledged her existence.
"What do you want?" Shannon sneered at her from the top step of the stoop. She was sitting on her boyfriend Ryan's lap and he had his hands between her legs. Everyone laughed, except him. He just stared at her, making Jamie nervous.
"Um nothing, I just wanted to say hi." Jamie suddenly felt really stupid. She cursed herself silently for thinking Shannon and her friends would accept her.
"Hi, now get the fuck outta here!" Shannon's high-pitched voice brought Jamie back to reality. This reality was depressing as hell for Jamie, and at that moment she wanted Shannon to drop dead for embarrassing her in front of all these people.
"Fuck you Shannon!" Jamie screamed. She ran down the block and around the corner to their building. When she was inside the apartment, she ran to the room she shared with Shannon. She could hear her Gran calling for her, but Jamie didn't answer. She buried her face in the pillow so that her grandmother wouldn't hear the deep, wrenching sobs coming from Jamie's mouth. Her whole body shook, her head throbbed, and her nose was running. She didn't care about any of that. She apologized to God for cursing and vowed to go to confession tomorrow after school. Her Gran was on the other side of the bedroom door asking if she was all right.
"I'm fine Gran, I'm just a little tired is all." She answered, trying to disguise her tear-filled voice.
"Do you want any dinner sweetie?" Her grandmother asked, with no concept of how much Jamie hated herself at that moment, and how hard she tried to be good so that God wouldn't take her, the way he took her family
"No thanks Gran, I'm not really hungry." Jamie lay there for a long time after her tears had dried, thinking about things that she hated to think about. Finally at 8:00 she got up and did her homework. She finished at 10:00, and when Shannon snuck in their bedroom window at 1:30, Jamie pretended to be asleep.
That was last week and neither Jamie nor Shannon had said two words to each other since then. She prayed Shannon and her friends would just continue to ignore her when she walked home from school, and thankfully they did. Jamie walked on the other side of the street to avoid their eyes as she passed by; occasionally she would glance over to see who was there. Today she saw someone new. His face was a lot like Ryan's, and Jamie concluded that he must be Ryan's brother. She had heard Shannon talking about him on the phone. The guy had been gone since before Jamie had moved here, he'd been in jail for something. He was very cute Jamie thought, but he must be trouble. If he was hanging around with Shannon that meant he was trouble, not to mention the fact that he had just been released from jail. Jamie got to her building and walked up the stoop. Her grandmother was inside napping in her chair. Jamie knelt down in front of her, taking her soft, warm hand. Gran breathed quietly and Jamie thanked God for letting her sleep so peacefully. She went to her room to study. She had been studying for about two hours when Gran appeared at the bedroom door
"Hello sweetie, when did you get home?" She asked, still trying to wake up.
"Oh a little while ago, I guess."
"Well dinner will be ready soon, will you go find Shannon and bring her home please?"
"Where would I go to find her Gran?" Jamie asked in a panic. She knew exactly where to find Shannon and it was the last place on earth that Jamie wanted to be.
"Building 226, apartment 3C, that's where her evil boyfriend lives. I would walk down there myself but I'm not feeling too good today." Her grandmother's weary eyes looked groggy and sad.
"Okay Gran, I'll go get her." Jamie said, forcing a smile. She kissed her grandmother on the cheek as she passed her walking out the door.
Jamie came around the corner to the building where Shannon always was. She looked up at it. It looked just like her building, but there was something ominous about walking up those first five steps. The stoop itself was covered in years of chewed gum that had turned black and gave the stoop a polka dotted appearance. On the front door someone had written the word "mutherfuker", Jamie blushed and felt the need to correct the profanity. After a few minutes she managed to get herself to the top of the stoop and walked into the dark, musty building. When inside she saw the remains of a busted lightbulb hanging above a door marked "Maintenance" and just under that the words "Ricky L. is a coksuker". Jamie assumed it had been written by the same person who had written on the front door. Rays of a late afternoon sunshine shone through the window in the door, lighting up beams of dust that slashed through the entryway. She walked slowly up the first flight of stairs, all the while noticing the yellowed, dingy wallpaper that hung in some places and came away from the wall in others. She continued on to the second flight of stairs, she heard Latin music, then a man had laughing. She saw a grocery bag filled with trash outside someone's door; it held dirty diapers that created a stench not unlike swamp gas. She kept walking, to the third flight of stairs. Her fear was mounting, and her palms were sweating. She got to the top of the flight and from where she stood could see a door marked 3C. She came to the door and knocked rather hard which made her even more nervous. She stood there for an eternity it seemed, until finally the door opened. It was him, Ryan's brother, the one who just got home from jail. She stared at him, partly out of curiosity and partly because she liked his face and long blond hair.
"Yeah?" he asked indignantly, looking Jamie up and down and making no secret of the fact that he was doing so.
"I'm Jamie McFadden, my cousin is Shannon McFadden and I was wondering if she was here. My grandmother is making dinner and she sent me to get her." Jamie thought she might have set a new speed talking record for as fast as she delivered her speech to this guy. She also thought that he probably thought she was an idiot or something. Hell, she didn't know what he thought, but she was getting more nervous by the second, especially because he wasn't saying anything
Then finally he said, "Yeah she's here, come in, it could be awhile though, she's busy." He opened the door a little and waited for her to enter.
"Oh, um thank you, but I think I'll just wait out here." Jamie answered and smiled hoping this guy couldn't smell her fear, the way dogs could smell fear. She also didn't want him to see how nervous she was being around him.
"Are you crazy? You'll get shot waitin out there, just come inside." He said with a smirk. Now Jamie was really terrified, what if she did get shot waiting outside. She decided that going inside was probably the safest bet, so she entered the apartment. She sat down on the couch and noticed it was really lumpy and stained with something. It smelled like beer, not just the couch, but the whole place. Ryan's brother sat across from her in an equally dilapidated chair, which had long ago seen its better days. He stared at her, the way Ryan had that day on the stoop. She looked around the apartment to get her mind off the ex-con that was probably sizing her up. There was a picture of the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus, on the wall above the T.V. Jamie stared at it; she had never seen a velvet painting of Mary and Jesus before. Ryan's brother interrupted her thoughts.
"So you're Shannon's cousin huh?"
"Yes, I just moved here a few months ago."
"I figured that, I've lived here my whole life and I never seen you before. How old are you?" Why did he want to know that Jamie wondered.
Looking away she answered, "16."
"16 huh? You go to St. Mary's?"
"Yes, I like it there, it seems like a very good school." As soon as she said it she wished she hadn't. She had a knack for always making herself look less than cool. He was staring again; as each second passed she felt the sweat running down her sides and collecting in the waistband of her plaid skirt
Finally she asked, "Where is Shannon, I, I mean, what is she doing?" Ryan's brother stared at her, not speaking. It made her so uncomfortable. Why did he have to do that? Finally he spoke.
"Well I think she's probably um spending quality time with Ryan." He answered, then giggled. Just then, Jamie could hear voices coming from down the hall. The first one was Shannon's.
"I'm gonna brush my teeth baby, which toothbrush is yours?"
"Don't you even think about using my fuckin toothbrush, I just came in your mouth for chrissakes!" When Ryan said that, Jamie thought she might be sick
"Ryan I am gonna brush my teeth, if you don't tell me which one is yours, I'll just pick the first one I see!" She yelled back at him. Ryan's brother came alive.
"His is the green one Shannon, you keep your fucking hands off the blue one!" He was yelling at her. Then Ryan appeared, he didn't have a shirt on, he was zipping his pants, and fidgeting with his belt. He saw Jamie just as she was getting up to stand by the door. She tried not to make eye contact with either one of them.
"Well, well, well, what have we here?" Ryan said, grinning at her.
"This is Shannon's cousin…what's your name again?" Ryan's brother asked
"Um, Jamie, my name is Jamie." she stammered to get it out
"I know who you are, I've seen you before." Ryan said, he was staring at her, so was his brother. Finally, Shannon emerged from the bathroom to see her cousin standing by the door.
"What are you doing here?" She said as she was searching in her purse for a cigarette. Eventually, she gave up looking and Ryan gave her one.
"Gran sent me to come get you, she said dinner's gonna be ready soon."
"Oh Christ, lucky me, I got my own bounty hunter." Shannon said dryly, taking a big drag off her cigarette, leaving the telltale ring.
Shannon why haven't you introduced me to your cousin?" Ryan's brother asked.
"Cyril, shut the fuck up alright, you just never mind her!" So his name was Cyril, finally Jamie knew what name to give the police if ever she needed to. Then Ryan was talking.
"Shannon, chill out. You really shouldn't keep Jamie from us, I bet she'd like to hang, wouldn't you cuz?" Before she could answer, Shannon did.
"Look, both of you stay the hell away from her, ya got me? If not I'll cut your balls off!" Shannon said as she kissed Ryan goodbye, leaving his mouth the way she left her cigarette butts. She was walking towards Jamie now, but turned to say one last thing to the O'Reily's.
"Oh, and boys, I used someone's toothbrush but, I don't remember exactly which one I used. Have fun." She was laughing like crazy and Jamie could hear Cyril calling Shannon a fucking bitch as they walked down the stairs and out into the world. Jamie was overcome by the urge to kiss the ground, for she thought she would never see it again. Alas she had emerged unharmed from the O'Reily apartment, a little wiser for the wear.
"So that's Ryan's brother huh? Didn't he just get home from jail?" Jamie was trying to make conversation. Normally she wouldn't have but she so was grateful that Shannon hadn't made her walk on the other side of the street, she figured she'd give it a shot.
"Hey, don't you worry about him, he's bad news, they both are." She glared straight ahead. Jamie thought that Shannon was so pretty, but she didn't smile enough.
"I was just wondering ya know, besides, if they're both bad news why do you go with Ryan?"
"Because I love him alright. We're gonna get married someday and have four kids, and do the family thing, we really are, he's asked me to marry him a jillion times."
"But you're only 17."
"I know that stupid, I meant when I'm older we're gonna get married. I'm not denying the fact that he's made mistakes, he's fucked other girls since we've been together, he's gotten in trouble with the cops, but I love him, and I can't stop loving him. That's why I'm telling you to forget the name Cyril O'Reily cause once they've got you, you're hooked for life, ya get what I'm saying?" Jamie was shocked that Shannon was actually worried for her. They had stopped walking and were now facing each other.
"It's not a good situation to be in is all I'm sayin. You gotta a chance for a real good life ahead a ya James, you're smart, you'll probably get a scholarship to some college, make out real good if you don't let Cyril O'Reily infest your head and ruin what you got comin." Shannon started walking again and Jamie followed her the rest of the way home without saying a word.
Later that night, Ryan and Cyril were lounging around, watching a game, and having a drink, when they heard their pops pull up outside. They looked at each other knowingly. If anyone else had been in the room at the moment, they would have seen two of the neighborhood's biggest thugs reverting back to scared little boys. Both wore fear on their similar faces. Both hated their father for he was a vicious sunovabitch. Ryan stood up first, then Cyril. Ryan grabbed the coats that were hanging by the door; he threw one to Cyril and put on the other one.
"Come on, we have to go get new toothbrushes anyway." Ryan said as he opened the door. The three men passed each other on the stairs; not one of them said a word. It was going to be a typical Wednesday night at the O'Reily house, and they all knew it.
Two weeks had gone by since Jamie had met Cyril. She'd seen him four times since then, twice when she had to go get Shannon at his house, once after she'd gone to confession, and once at Rolley's when she stopped to get a coke. All four times he had been very nice to her, and Jamie was becoming more comfortable with him and looked forward to scrounging up Shannon for dinner. She thought about him a lot and once even wondered what he looked like naked. She knew she had to go to confession after that, but she couldn't help liking it, she couldn't help liking him, until that day that is.
Jamie was walking home from school, dividing her time between thinking about Cyril and conjugating the verbs she'd missed on her French test when she was stopped in front of her building. Ryan's Green '69 Impala pulled up next to her, in the front seat were Ryan and Shannon, in the back; Cyril was with Lisa Canigliaro. Jamie didn't know why, but it bothered her that Cyril was with Lisa. Cyril wasn't her boyfriend after all, he could be with any girl he wanted, but still Jamie's temples pounded with jealousy. She'd heard stories about Lisa and the things she did with boys. She hated Cyril O'Reily at that moment, hated him for being with Lisa and doing things with her, to her. Just then Shannon spoke; Jamie tore her eyes away from Cyril, who had his hand on Lisa's thigh.
"Hey I need ya to do me a favor. Go in my top dresser drawer and get the box of rubbers that's in the back okay?" She asked, exhaling as she did. The cigarette smoke floated up to Jamie and almost made her cough.
"Why can't you get em yourself?" Jamie asked defiantly
"Because I can't, if I go inside Gran'll make me stay in for dinner, now just go get the fuckin rubbers already!" Jamie stalked up the stoop, in the door, up the four flights of stairs and into her apartment. Gran was watching TV, as usual. Jamie ran to their room and opened Shannon's top dresser drawer, she felt around and sure enough, there it was, in the back. She grabbed the box and looked at it for a minute. She was struck by the fact that these condoms were going to be worn by Ryan and Cyril to have sex with Shannon and Lisa. Jamie was mad, she slammed the drawer shut and stomped down the hall towards the front door. Just then her Grandmother asked where she was off to.
"The ice cream truck is around the corner, I'm gonna get an Orange Push-Up." She hated lying to Gran, and she was mad at Shannon for making her do it. She went back outside to Ryan's car and threw the box of condoms in the window. They erupted everywhere.
"What the fuck did you do that for?" Shannon hissed.
"Because I felt like it, OKAY!" Jamie yelled back at her. She turned to walk back inside when Ryan's car took off in a tire squealing frenzy.
That night, long after Jamie had fallen asleep she was awoken by the sound of Shannon fumbling around in the dark. She felt a breeze on her face and opened her eyes to see Ryan O'Reily outside their window on the fire escape. Jamie was lying on her side with her back towards Shannon, she was watching Ryan. When he noticed she was awake he didn't say a word, but he smiled at her and gave a little wave. Jamie smiled back; and she was surprised that he was climbing in the window. She closed her eyes when Shannon looked over in her direction. Satisfied that Jamie really was asleep, Shannon looked back at Ryan, put her finger to her mouth and made a shooshing sound. Jamie kept her eyes closed, but she listened intently as all thoughts of trying to go back to sleep had been abandoned. She heard clothes crumpling to the floor, she heard the change in Ryan's pockets jangling, she heard Shannon giggling quietly, they were both on Shannon's bed, and it was squeaking a little bit. She then heard a package opening and Jamie knew exactly what it was, for she had supplied it to them that afternoon. Her mind raced, if Ryan was here with Shannon, where was Cyril? Was he still with Lisa, having sex with her? Was he with a different girl having sex? Was he at home in bed like she was? Jamie hoped it was the last. She wanted to open her eyes, but didn't dare to. She heard Shannon's sheets rustling, and then all was quiet.
Jamie slowly opened her eyes when she finally heard something, it was Ryan, he was breathing hard, and she heard Shannon moaning quietly. The light from the lamppost outside shone on their naked, half-exposed bodies. Ryan was on top of Shannon, holding the front half of his body up with his arms while the other half rose and fell underneath the sheet. Jamie was mesmerized, she couldn't believe they were doing it right in front of her. They knew she was awake, well Shannon didn't but Ryan did; yet he was doing it anyway. Shannon's breathing was getting heavier, and her eyes were closed. She had her arms around Ryan's neck; she wrapped her covered legs around him. Jamie tried to be as still as a statue, if Shannon knew that she was awake and watching, she'd kill her. Jamie's eyes were glued to them and their connected bodies. Ryan cupped Shannon's left breast in his hand and was flicking her nipple with his tongue, licking the crevice between her breasts. Jamie felt her own breath coming quicker and heavier, she was sweating, could feel perspiration on her upper lip. Her stomach was turning like a tornado; she could hear her own heartbeat pounding in the very core of her body. As Ryan and Shannon continued, the tornado moved lower and lower in Jamie's stomach, until it wasn't in her stomach anymore, it had moved between her legs. Jamie could feel the heat and moisture that had accumulated there, it was driving her mad, and she needed to do something about it. She quietly moved her right hand from where it had been under her pillow, down between her legs. As soon as she touched herself, she couldn't stop; it was like a floodgate had opened, yet it felt so good. She started rubbing lightly at first, then quicker and harder as she watched Ryan's hips pounding into Shannon underneath the sheet. It was too much for her; she wanted to scream, to rip her clothes off. She was thinking about Cyril O'Reily doing to her what Ryan was doing to Shannon, and her body was beginning its ascent. She was shaking, clutching her pillow with her left hand, her breath was coming quicker and heavier, the sensations were sweeping through her entire body, she was close, so close, then something happened. She saw that Ryan was watching her. She stopped, and looked closer, his head was turned and he was watching her, he was smiling too, a smile that was libidinous and reeked of raw, sweaty sex. Jamie was mortified, she knew that Ryan had seen what she had been doing and he was smiling about it, he liked what she was doing. He licked his lips and winked, he was still looking at her as he came. Jamie closed her eyes tight so she wouldn't have to see him do it. She rolled over, thinking that while he was coming she would be able turn unnoticed, and thankfully she did. Five minutes later, he was dressed and gone. Shannon was asleep, and Jamie was still wide-awake.
It had been a month since the condom incident when Jamie had seen Cyril and Lisa together. Jamie still hated him for being with Lisa, but she couldn't avoid him anymore, she had to go get Shannon for dinner. She walked over, knocked on the door, walked in when he answered and yelled for Shannon to get her ass home for dinner. Cyril tried to say hello, but Jamie just turned and walked out, ignoring him completely. She walked home alone, thinking about him. Why did she like him? Why? It was a mystery that perplexed her, and kept her mind from clearly focusing.
At 11:30 that night Shannon was stumbling around in the darkness of their bedroom, getting dressed. It always woke Jamie up when she did that .She thought Shannon might have stubbed her toe because she heard a thump, followed by her whispering "Fuck that hurt!" The next thing she heard was the last thing she ever expected.
"Jamie, get up and get dressed." Shannon was standing over her, whispering in her face. She groggily raised herself up on her elbow.
"Why?" she asked, yawning.
"Cause you're comin with tonight." Shannon answered. Jamie was wide-awake now. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"Yeah, get up, Ryan and Cyril are waiting." She said, still getting dressed.
"But I thought you said..." Shannon had cut her off mid-sentence.
"Never mind what I said, just get dressed." Shannon suddenly stopped and Jamie could tell that she was thinking about something.
"All your clothes are queer huh?" Shannon asked matter-of-factly. Jamie was offended.
"No they're not!"
"James, yes they are, you dress like you're 90. I don't understand it, you have a great body and a pretty face but you dress like Gran and you don't wear makeup. Don't worry, I'll fix ya up, Cyril wanted you to come tonight so I'll make you look pretty for him." In that instant Jamie forgot all about her clothes and makeup.
"Cyril wanted me to come tonight?" She asked nervously.
"Yeah, he said he wanted you guys to be friends again, said you'd know what he was talking about. Do you know what he's talking about?"
"Yes, I can't believe it though." Jamie was dumbfounded, he knew that she was still mad about him and Lisa all these weeks later and he wanted to be friends again.
"Well are you gonna tell me?" Shannon asked spraying on too much perfume.
"No, it's between me and him."
"Whatever. Look, he said he wants to be friends again, that's O'Reily code for if you fuck me everything will be cool between us. Trust me, I know that code very well. Don't fuck him alright? You can give him a handjob, but that's it. If you fuck him he won't respect you."
"Oh, but if I give him a handjob he will respect me?" Jamie asked sarcastically. She wanted to laugh in her cousin's face, but she decided not to because she knew Shannon was serious.
"I'm not doing anything with him or to him." She said as Shannon tossed her a sweater and a tiny, black skirt.
"You don't know the O'Reily's, they can be very convincing, at least Ryan can, and Cyril is exactly like him, so I'm guessing that Cyril can be pretty convincing when he wants to be." Jamie thought about that while she put on the black tights and boots.
"Just remember what I said, a handjob is okay, but don't give him head, and for chrissakes don't fuck him. Now c'mere and lemmie fix your face."
Ryan and Cyril were sitting in Ryan's car waiting for Shannon and Jamie. They were both getting restless.
"Jesus Christ, what is it with these girls, they have to take for fuckin ever to get ready?" Ryan wondered aloud. Cyril dragged on his cigarette and watched the fire escape.
"You know she's a virgin right?" He asked. Cyril didn't answer, so Ryan kept talking.
"If you're gonna bust her you better make damn sure you have something to clean up with, I don't wanna see any blood in my car." Ryan informed Cyril, lighting his cigarette.
"Ryan, for chrissakes, I'm not 12 alright. I know the drill, besides I'm not even gonna try to bust her."
"Like hell." Ryan said, laughing.
"I'm not, she's not that kind of girl." Cyril said, giving his brother an eyeroll in the dark.
"What kind of girl?" Ryan asked, playing dumb.
"She's different. She's not like all the skanks in the neighborhood and that includes your skank."
"What you don't know little brother is that once the cherry is busted, they all turn into skanks, It'll happen to Jamie too. The good thing is that if you're the one who busts her, she'll be sprung on you forever. I busted Shannon and I've got that girl wrapped fuckin tight because of it." Ryan answered; as if what he had just said held any factual evidence
"Whatever Ryan." Cyril said as he watched Shannon and Jamie come down the fire escape. He got out of the car so Shannon could get in front with Ryan. As he did, he and Jamie were face to face. She looked different tonight, not bad really, just different. Then he figured out that she was wearing Shannon's clothes and makeup. He hoped this change was only temporary because he loved the way she regularly looked, it was what made her different than all the rest. She didn't need layers of makeup and short skirts; all she needed was what God had given her. Nevertheless, he told her she looked nice, because she did, she just didn't look like herself. They climbed into the backseat and as usual Ryan peeled out, leaving Jamie wondering what was the point of sneaking out if he was going to squeal his tires and wake up the whole neighborhood.
Ryan had driven them to the river; he parked, and lit a cigarette.
"Ya ever been here James?" Shannon asked, turning around to face them in the backseat.
"No." She answered; wondering who and the hell Shannon thought she would've come to the river with, if not them.
"Cyril why don't you and James go for a walk, ya know, show her around." Shannon suggested pleasantly. Normally Cyril wouldn't have given a damn about what Shannon was saying but this time was different for two reasons. First, he had no intention of hanging out in the backseat while his brother nailed Shannon in the front seat. Second, he was jonesin to be alone with Jamie.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" He shyly asked Jamie.
"Um, sure." She answered nervously. As they were getting out of the car, Jamie could hear a zipper being unzipped. Since she knew Shannon wore things that could easily be pulled off over her head, she figured the zipper in question must have been Ryan's.
They walked quietly, watching the river. Jamie snuck a few glances while he wasn't looking. She liked the way he looked, his face, his hair, his clothes. He was wearing a white thermal long sleeved shirt, black baggy pants and black combat boots. His hair was back in a ponytail and he had started growing a goatee. She thought he might be cold without a jacket, but didn't mention it. They were walking along the river, side by side. They were close enough to each other that they could have held hands if either one of them was inclined to make a move. Neither one was. There was no talking, just walking. Jamie had a million things swirling through her head. She was still so mad at him for being with Lisa, but she knew she had to get over that. She really liked Cyril, but Shannon's warning to get his name out of her head kept coming back to her. She knew that Cyril had made mistakes, but hell, who hasn't? She also knew that Cyril was 20, she was only 16. He was a man, she was still so young and thankfully she understood what that difference meant. Then there was the time that she was lighting the candles at church and he had showed up out of nowhere to drive her home. When she told him she hadn't confessed yet, he said he didn't know that angels had to confess. She remembered smiling and turning red when he said it. Thinking about it now, brought on the same response.
"What are you smiling about?" He asked, smiling too.
"Am I smiling?" she asked, almost laughing
"Yes." Cyril was laughing.
"Should I stop?"
"No, I like it when you smile. C'mon, tell me." He was still laughing
"I don't know, just a nervous reaction I guess." She lied, laughing with him.
"What are you nervous about?" He asked, stopping to face her.
"My goodness, aren't you full of questions tonite." They'd both stopped laughing and stopped walking.
"Aren't you nervous?" She asked, hoping that he was, and that her nervousness was justified.
"Yes." It was almost a whisper. They stood facing the river; they didn't speak for a long time. Jamie was going crazy waiting for him to do something when finally he said what she was waiting to hear.
"Jamie, I'm sorry about Lisa Canigliaro, that's what you're mad about right?" He was looking down now; he had his hands in his pockets.
"You don't have to be sorry about that, I mean, it's not like you're my boyfriend or anything. I shouldn't have been so dumb about it I guess." She gave him a half-hearted chuckle when she said it.
"Can we be friends again?' He asked looking over at her.
"Of course." She said, smiling. She turned away from him and started walking again. Cyril caught up to her, he wanted so badly to kiss her, but there was no way in hell he was going to fuck this up. She was going to have to make the first move, until then, he considered her no man's land.
"So how come you came to live with your Grandma?" When he asked it, Jamie almost froze in her tracks, she couldn't believe he didn't know.
"You mean Ryan didn't tell you?
"I don't think he knows, Shannon never told him. If it's something bad you don't have to tell me, I'll understand." And she believed he would understand if she decided not to tell. She saw a bench up ahead, and remained silent until they reached it. When they were both seated she decided to let Cyril O'Reily in.
"It is bad Cyril, but I want to tell you"
"Are you sure?" He asked quietly.
"Yes." She readied herself for what was coming next.
"My mom and dad and brother and sister were killed in a car accident, a drunk driver hit them." She wasn't looking at him; she was staring straight into the river. She heard him take a deep breath when she told him.
"It was Christmas Eve, they were going to midnight mass, I stayed home because I had chicken pox.." Jamie was in the daze that she went into whenever she thought about this. "I was asleep when the phone rang. It was a policeman, he asked if I knew Robert McFadden, I told him yes, he's my dad. He asked how old I was, when I told him I was 15, he said he was coming to my house to talk to me. I told him that wasn't such a good idea because I had chicken pox and he might catch it. I looked at the clock in the kitchen; it was 2:17, very early Christmas morning. I was calm, very calm, even though I knew why he was calling. I felt the tears on my cheeks, and they surprised me because I didn't know I was crying. I spoke steadily to the cop. He told me he was on his way, and would be at my house soon. I hung up. He got there a half an hour later, just as I was turning on the Christmas tree lights. We sat down and he told me that a drunk driver crossed the lane and hit my parent's car head-on, they spun on the ice and went over the side of the overpass. I don't remember much after that. The funerals were a blur to me; I never went to their graves. All the decisions were made for me, where I would live, what would happen to my house, everything. That's why I came to live with Gran, no one else wanted me." She stopped momentarily; he watched her eyes as she watched the river. He wondered what was going on inside her head, wondered what the hell it must have been like for her that Christmas morning, he couldn't even imagine it. Her voice broke into his thoughts.
"Cyril, I think about my family everyday, I light candles for them at church, I pray for their souls, and I even talk to them sometimes when this gets really hard for me to deal with, but I don't cry for them, not anymore…I have no more tears left." He knew she was done, yet he had no words, could think of nothing to say. Finally he was able to say something, though he knew it wouldn't help her.
"I'm sorry Jamie, I'm so sorry. I didn't know and I shouldn't have asked."
"I'm glad you did, I wanted you to know." For the first time since she'd started, she turned and faced him. He took her hand, raised it to his lips and kissed her fingers. In the end, he had made the first move, but at that moment he needed to and never regretted doing it.
"Thank you for telling me." He said, still holding her hand. They got up and continued their walk along the river. No words were spoken as they walked in silence. When Jamie finally felt confident enough to ask what was on her mind, she broke the silence between them.
"Cyril, what were you in jail for?" She asked, praying he would tell her. He didn't answer right away. He looked down at his feet, stroked his goatee with his free hand, and finally spoke.
"I got sent up on an 18 month sentence for G.T.A., didn't do the whole 18 though, I got paroled at 7." He answered quietly.
"Grand Theft Auto, I stole a car." He replied, searching her eyes for disapproval. Jamie didn't speak; she just turned it over in her head. This situation could get very bad, very quickly and she knew it. She could not justify letting herself get involved with Cyril, considering his past, and consequently his future.
"I'm not a bad person Jamie." He finally said.
"I know you're not." She replied as she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Jamie decided to let the chips fall where they may, and take a chance on Cyril O'Reily.
After that night, they were together all the time. Cyril took her to school and picked her up afterwards, took her to church and picked her up afterwards. He especially loved being alone with her, without Shannon and Ryan. It was progressing slowly, Cyril knew he had to careful with Jamie, she was only 16, and she was so much better than he was, better than anyone. He didn't want to take the chance of moving too quickly and scaring her off. He was happy that she would even go out in public with him. They'd go to Rolley's for a coke and stay there talking until she had to go home for dinner. This went on for months, until one day when Cyril picked her up and didn't take her to Rolley's, instead, they were heading towards the river. Jamie was smiling as she thought about the night they'd gone to the river and changed everything between them. After a half an hour of driving in silence, Cyril pulled into the parking lot at the river. He turned the car off and they sat there listening as it pinged and rattled. His hands were still on the steering wheel; he was looking at the river. Jamie knew he had something important on his mind, and she had a pretty good idea what it was. She didn't want to force him to talk until he was ready, so she just sat quietly and watched him. She liked watching him, felt safe with him. Trisha Carey had told her that Cyril was a good guy to go with because people in the neighborhood knew not to fuck with him, he was a badass she'd said. Jamie replied that she wasn't going with Cyril and that he wasn't a badass, he was very nice. Cyril's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"James, I wanna talk to you about something okay?" He asked, still looking out at the river.
"Okay." She answered cautiously
"What do you tell people when they ask you about us? I mean, do you tell them we're together?"
"Um, no. Why would I do that? We're not together… are we?" She swallowed hard and hoped that she wasn't ruining her chance.
"No, I guess not, unless you want to be, I mean, I would like it if you were my girlfriend, but ya know, whatever." Cyril was feeling like he wanted to get the hell out of there and forget this whole thing. Why would he even think that he could be with someone like her? She was way to good for him and they both knew it.
"I would like that too." She said quietly.
"Huh?" He asked looking at her for the first time.
"I would like it if I were your girlfriend too."
"Really?" His heart pounded and he was smiling
"Yes, I would like that very much, but ya know, whatever." She was smiling with him, and even though it was vague, they both knew what had just happened. They stayed at the river for awhile longer, talking and laughing about nothing really important, it was getting late and Jamie told him she had to get home for dinner. All the way home she thought about how strange it was to be someone's girlfriend, to have a boyfriend and not just any boyfriend, Cyril O'Reily, the guy she's had a crush on for four months. She was smiling when he pulled up in front of her building. It was getting dark, and there weren't too many people on the street, the streetlights were flickering above the car.
"Well, I guess I better go in." She told him.
"Okay, can I call you later?" He asked, sliding closer to her.
"Yeah, try about eight, okay?" She asked smiling, knowing what was going to come next.
"Okay." He was quiet for a few seconds, then surprised her by asking for permission to kiss her. His face was two inches away from hers; She whispered yes, then closed her eyes. His hands covered her cheeks. She felt the heat from his mouth before he even touched her. His lips were softly rubbing hers, it tickled, she almost laughed, but something inside stopped her. It was like a churning in her stomach, almost like the tornado she had felt the night that Ryan snuck in, but this time; here with Cyril it was different. Then he kissed her, over and over, covering her mouth with soft kisses. She liked the way they felt. She liked doing this with him. He moved his hands from her cheeks, down to her neck, then her shoulders, tracing the line of her arms, to where they finally rested at her waist. He started tickling her a little bit, and she could no longer keep herself from laughing. What Jamie didn't know was that he'd tickled her to stop kissing her. He knew she would laugh and then it would be over. He also knew that if he hadn't done it, he would have stayed in the car kissing her all night long.
"That was nice, thank you." He said pulling away from her, opening his eyes.
"You better get inside, I don't want you to get in trouble." He was lighting a cig and she was glad that he waited to smoke until after he kissed her.
"Okay." She was getting out of his car when he told her he would call at eight. Then he pulled away from the curb. She stood watching his car go up the street, could see the brake lights come on as he slowed to turn the corner. She walked up the stoop, into her building, up the four flights, and inside to her apartment.
After that night, everyone knew that Jamie was with Cyril, and some things changed because of it. The guys at church who were her friends, now avoided her like the plague. The cool girls at school who used to think she was lame, now wanted to hang out and be friends with her. She was like a different person than before, but in reality she wasn't. She had moved up in the world, it was now her turn to sit on the stoop in Cyril's lap, watching as all the little, scared girls went by. It was now her turn to be seen and envied by the less fortunate and she loved it! She went out with Shannon and her friends, they stole makeup and clothes for her. She started wearing way too much makeup, her clothes were like a second skin, and they were so tight. Her grades were slipping a little, but she didn't care, she had all that she wanted in the world. She started smoking, it was a secret though, not even Shannon knew about it, and of course, Cyril didn't know yet. She would go over to his house and the next day tell her friends how good it was to fuck him, when in reality, they would just hang out when she went over there. Of course, they would make out, but nothing even close to sex yet. She was going to be just what Cyril wanted, except he didn't want what she was becoming. One night, she was over at his house, Ryan was out with Shannon, and his dad was out at "Jim & I's". She'd told Gran she would be at confession. When she got to 3C she could tell something was on Cyril's mind, and it was something deep. She knew that when he was real quiet he was turning something over in his head.
"What is it hon, what's going on inside?" She asked, as they sat on the couch, she was playing with his fingers and rubbing her hand over his goatee.
"Babe, what's up with you lately?" He asked her gently.
"What do ya mean?" She asked chomping on some gum.
"I mean, you're different now, your hair, your clothes, and since when did you start wearing makeup?"
"I like the way I look now. Shannon has helped me a lot I think. Don't you think?" she said sitting up and letting go of his hand.
"There's a difference between you and Shannon, she's a whore, you're not."
"Cyril she is my cousin, and she's not a whore! And to tell you the truth I like the way I look now, because everyone looks at me and guys whistle. I never had that before and you're just mad because everybody wants to fuck your girlfriend. You should be happy about that, it means that you got the best. I even heard Tony Ortolani say that he thought I would be a good fuck." She told him matter-of factly. Cyril didn't say anything, he was shocked. The girl that he absolutely swore was different than everyone else was changing into everyone else.
"You know what, you're right, I do got the best. Let's go to my room." He said, standing up from the couch and walking over to the entrance of the hallway.
"Why?" She asked feeling nervous all the sudden, he could tell she was still in there somewhere, she just had to be brought out of hiding.
"I don't wanna do it out here in case my dad or Ryan come home, besides it'll be more private if we do it in back."
"What are you talking about Cyril?" He could hear the stammer in her voice; she was coming back slowly.
"Well you said, that everyone wants to fuck my girlfriend, and you're right, everyone includes me doesn't it?" He asked, taking off his shirt and unbuckling his belt
"Um, I'm not ready for this yet." She said quietly, walking towards the door.
"Too bad, I am. It's not about you being ready baby; it's about you being so totally fuckable now with your new look and your new attitude. No, I'm afraid you don't have a choice, are you gonna come willingly or am I gonna have to throw you over my shoulder?" He walked over to where she was standing.
"Cyril, please, you know I'm not ready." She thought he must be kidding, she'd never seen him act like this before. Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking.
"I'm waiting Jamie." She still wouldn't budge. He was almost there, just needed to scare her a little more. He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder like he said he was going to. She was screaming and kicking while he carried her back to his room He laid her down on the bed. He stood there waiting for her to realize what was going on. After a few minutes, she took her hands away from her eyes. She looked up at him, praying that he wouldn't do anything.
"Baby, I'm sorry, are you okay?" He asked sitting down on the bed next to her.
"Are you fucking kidding me, of course I'm not okay, you were just going to fucking rape me, do you expect me to be okay after something like that?" She was screaming at him, the tears were rolling down her cheeks.
"I wasn't going to rape you, ya know why, because I would never hurt you."
"Then what the hell was all this about?"
"I wanted to show you how all those ho's you hang around with get treated. They don't get respect, because they don't deserve respect. Guys treat them like that because it's common knowledge among men that if you're gonna act like a whore, we're gonna treat you like a whore. You're not a whore, you're my angel and I think you're perfect just the way you are, you don't need any help from anyone." Jamie was quiet, her tears had stopped, and she was looking at him, unable to fully grasp what he'd just done for her. He'd brought her back to where she was before. How could she think that dressing like Shannon and acting like Shannon was the way to keep him, if he wanted a girl like Shannon he would have been with one. She loved him so much for wanting her just the way she was. She got up and hugged him. He kissed her neck and then he said what she'd been waiting to hear.
"What did you say?" she asked pulling away from his embrace, his face turned red when she called him on it. He was looking down at his hands.
"I said I love you." She couldn't see his blue eyes, but she wanted too.
"Look at me and say it again." He looked up to accept his challenge.
"I love you." He was looking her directly in the eye, and he was not wavering one bit.
"I love you too baby." She answered, kissing him. Cyril wiped the tears off her cheeks and licked them off his fingers. He kissed her forehead, then her neck then her lips. They laid down on his bed; he was slightly on top of her. She was sucking on his lips softly; them moved up to his ear, letting her tongue roll over it, her teeth were tugging gently on the lobe. She moved back down his neck, licking softly all the while, she could feel his hardness between them. He was kissing her neck, as her fingernails dug tenderly into his bare back; he was kissing and softly licking her throat. He had his hand under her shirt on her bare stomach. She unbuttoned the top button of her shirt, he unbuttoned the second, third and fourth and had it opened fully. He ran his fingertips over the silky material of her bra, saw that her nipples were hard, and lightly kissed them. He pulled her bra up over her breasts; ran his closed lips over her right breast. Her skin was so soft, her nipples were pink, he licked the right one, then the left. She breathed heavily, even moaned very softly. He could feel her trying to unbuckle his pants; he grabbed her hand to stop her. He came up and lay next to her, closing his arms around her.
"Why'd you stop?" She asked almost breathlessly.
"Because, I need to before this turns into something we both regret." He answered adjusting himself.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No baby, no, everything about you is so right. You're special Jamie, and I'm going to treat you that way. You're not ready for this, you said so yourself, and I'm not ready to try and convince you that you are okay?" He said kissing her one last time before he got up.
After they had both fixed themselves up, Cyril walked Jamie home, he kissed her goodnight on the stoop, and told her not to let the bedbugs bite. With that he was gone, walking up the street, she watched him turn the corner, then went inside her building. But Cyril wasn't going home; he was going to find Tony Ortolani.
Cyril walked three blocks up to Carmine's Pizza Palace, he knew Tony would be working tonight. He walked around the side, through the alley that separated Carmine's from Shug's Suds Coin-Op Laundry. Cyril approached the back door of Carmine's. It was open slightly; he could hear voices, and a baseball game from a radio somewhere inside. When he knocked, Carmine came to the door.
"Yeah what do you want O'Reily?" He said when he saw Cyril.
"Is Tony here?"
"Which Tony, we got twoTony's." Carmine answered losing interest in Cyril as the game on the radio progressed.
"Yeah, he's here, hold on." Two minutes later the door opened again and Tony emerged from it.
"What do you want O'Reily?" He asked, wiping his hands on his apron.
"I heard you been sayin shit about Jamie." Cyril said, hidden in the shadows of the alley. Tony could see the tip of Cyril's cigarette as it glowed in the darkness. When he took a drag off it, Tony could see his face clearly, illuminated with an orange hue, and then it was hidden again.
"Well you heard wrong, I ain't said shit about her."
"That right? Well that's good, I feel a little bit better, because if I ever found out that a punk ass bitch like you was talking smack about my girlfriend, I couldn't be held responsible for what might happen."
"Are you threatening me O'Reily?" Tony asked, searching the alley for Cyril, he couldn't see the cigarette anymore, he was nowhere to be found.
"Is that what you're doing?" He asked again, chuckling nervously. Tony turned to go back inside, when Cyril grabbed him from behind, clenched his forearm around Tony's neck and held his cigarette a half an inch from the dago's face.
"That's not a threat motherfucker, that's a promise, got it?" Cyril hissed, keeping his voice low, so as to not draw any attention.
"Are you going to keep your fucking mouth shut from now on?" Cyril whispered. Tony didn't respond.
"What's that, I can't hear you?" Cyril still had his arm firmly planted in Tony's jugular.
He was barely able to croak out "Fuck you O'Reily," when Cyril took his still burning cigarette and pressed it into Tony Ortolani's left cheek. They both heard the sizzling, as the cig burned and melted the skin it came in contact with. Cyril knew what the lit end of a cigarette felt like when it was applied to the flesh. He knew that at first it was so hot you couldn't even feel it. Then the excruciating pain would slowly start to build up, sounding like a swarm of bees caught inside your head. Cyril had smelled this smell before, had watched as the skin melted away before, and anyone who had ever seen his bare back would have seen two small, round scars given to him by his father's lit cigarettes. He knew that if Ryan were here right now, the same recognition would be flooding his brother's mind, for Ryan also had little round scars, scattered on his frame. Tony tried to scream, but nothing came out, just the sound of air passing through a slashed tire. His efforts to scream snapped Cyril back to the here and now.
"Let's try this again, are you gonna keep your mouth shut from now on?" Cyril asked, turning his face away from the putrid smell of burning flesh that was emanating from Tony' cheek.
"Yes" He croaked with tears streaming down his face. Cyril let go of Tony and pushed him against the dumpster.
"All you fucking wops smell like garlic, I hate that." With that, Cyril was gone. He knew there would be retaliation, but he wasn't worried about it.
Continued in Part 2
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