I think honesty is over-rated. More often than not, honesty only serves to make the truth-teller feel better, superior, RIGHT. Oh, I'm sorry you don't want to hear the *truth*...
The truth hurts, the truth kills, everybody would be a whole lot happier if they didn't have so much sanctimonious sincerity flung in their faces. Everybody, of course, except for the asshole who was just being honest.
When you look up truth in the dictionary, it says that truthfulness means the same thing as loyalty. That's crap, too. I think loyalty to someone involves a whole lot of lying like a bastard, because if you're loyal, that means you care about someone, and if you care, you want to spare that person pain as much as possible. Isn't that the point of caring about a person? No, honey, she's not prettier than you, are you kidding? That woman... uh-uh, coyote ugly. No, honey, I would fuck that woman on the hood of your car right the hell now, but I wouldn't ever SAY that. I care.
When you love someone, you have to balance your logic with your emotion, you have to think about the consequences of your words. The word is pragmatism. Which, to be honest, I think is a funny fucking word. PRAGmatism. Funny, because when you fall in love, in here... you are SO asking for it. You're signing your own bill of sale. You're giving that person power over you, and do you know, I mean, really, do you ever know whether or not they love you back? Because he might SAY he loves you, but really be... sparing your feelings.
Telling you what you want to hear.
Now, in that case, is truth or untruth the wiser option? Guess it depends on which end of it you're on. And furthermore, doesn't the telling you what you want to hear imply just a *little* bit of affection? Like pity? But you can pity someone you hate. To some people, saying 'I feel sorry for you' is the sharpest insult they can receive. And maybe the person saying it only meant it in the best possible way.
So what do you say? What do you believe? What is the truth, the Truth-with-a-capital-T? When he says, 'I love you', is he being honest? Or he is practicing that policy, telling me something nice to keep me happy? And HOW do I know the difference? Because if I ASK, he could just be lying again. Assuming he IS lying to begin with.
Even though I think honesty is basically destructive, here, in this, I WANT honesty. Unless...
Unless, of course, it's something I don't want to hear.
I splash water on my face, it's too hot in the pod, probably the heat is what's got my head fucking spinning like this. The bunk creaks as he stands, and I watch him in the mirror as he comes up behind me, plants a kiss on my shoulder.
'Chris,' he says. 'Come back to bed.'
Continued in Nocturnal