Growth

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's not as if he hadn't known it would happen.

Sexual maturity was a reality for almost every sentient species; his was no exception.

He had known that soon it would be his time. The thoughts had started a few months ago. Dreams of romance and of passion. The emotions were confusing, tormenting him in the dark and haunting him with images of desire towards another that could never become reality.

He thought he knew what would happen as he physically matured. He was not a child in the crèche; he was a Jedi. But nothing had prepared him for the physically reality.

Sith take him, but he was so aroused most of the time he was in pain.

And he had not been prepared for the reality that only one person was in his thoughts.

He knew that he would have to speak of this to his Master. There were some things that even a Jedi couldn't face alone. Much to his disgust, this appeared to be one of them.

If nothing else he now had a new and somewhat sympathetic view towards the young padawans who always had seemed to be hormones on legs to his jaded eyes. And now the hormone was on the other foot, so to speak.

Knowing that meditation was doing nothing save for making his knees ache, he rose and padded quietly to check on the other who shared his rooms. He looked longingly on the sleeping man; ruthlessly suppressing his less than pure thoughts for fear that he would be unable to control their path through the training bond they shared.

With a last long, loving look, he went to his own bed. Tomorrow he would talk to his Master.

**********

Tomorrow, it seemed, had other plans. He stared at the message on the screen in front of him, unable to believe his eyes.

Hoth? They were being sent to Hoth? Cold, barren, lets-huddle-together-for- warmth Hoth? By all that was holy, could the timing have been worse? Master and Padawan had often shared a bed while on assignment. Lack of space seemed to be some unwritten rule of Jedi missions.

What was he going to do?

Six days on a shuttle, sharing a cramped cabin, then Sith knew how long living in a tiny, frigid, hollowed out ice cave disguised as "guest quarters".

Nothing moved at night on Hoth. There was no nightlife, no community centres, no theatre, nothing. No, the natives of Hoth, at least the sentient ones, closed the doors of their communities, and then they all went to bed in order to conserve heat. Or, more likely, to generate some.

Small wonder it was a polygamous society.

They would share a room, and they would share a bed, and he would be unable to hide his physical responses. He had no doubts whatsoever that his body would betray him. The last time they had been to Hoth he had been too young to realise that two men stripping naked and spending a long night wrapped around each other could in any way be interpreted as an intensely sexual experience.

So he was a moron.

He had no such illusions now. Just the thought of having those strong arms wrapped around him...that sensuous body pressed against his...the silky feel of the hair...

His orgasm took him completely by surprise. He hadn't so much as glanced in the direction of his groin! Wonderful. Well, if he'd had any doubts about speaking with his Master before they left for Hoth, this little demonstration settled them.

Disgusted with his lack of control, he went to change his robes, and find his Master.

***********

"Master, I beg of you stop laughing, there is nothing even remotely amusing about this situation. I cannot go to Hoth in this condition and share a bed with.... Master you seem to be having trouble breathing shall I call for a healer?"

This was not going according to plan. He had come to his Master and had confessed both his physical condition and his, um, concerns, and both had been greeted, not with compassion, but with gales of laughter.

Honesty was not always the best policy - he felt utterly humiliated. His Master seemed completely un-surprised both by his condition, which told him he was likely broadcasting, and his confession of love.

"Not that I in any way question the wisdom of the Council...Master you are going to do yourself an injury.... Master please! My concerns are not unfounded. How am I expected to share a platonic night in the same bed with someone who inspires few, if any, platonic thoughts."

Temper tantrums did not become Jedi. Nor did hysterical laughter become one of the advanced years of his Master.

Yet here the two of them were, one brooding, the other not even trying to suppress his glee at the situation.

"How can you stand there and tell me that my reactions are normal? I mean that I understand that the physical is normal, but the emotions? The wants? The desire? The need? I feel it with every cell of my being, Master, and it is becoming impossible to control. Master, kindly stop tittering at me. I do not find this in the least amusing."

With a sigh, the ageing Jedi Master brought himself under control and moved over to where his Padawan was sitting on the floor.

"Open your mind."

Reluctantly, he did as he was told and dropped his shields, baring his soul for the other to see.

"Control for you, important it is, necessary always, it is not." Yoda brushed the silver brown hair out of his former Padawan's eyes.

Qui-Gon looked into the eyes of his Master and sighed. "I am in love with my Padawan, a situation I find I untenable. I have to tell Obi-Wan something, my Master, and I am open to suggestions."

"Truth, my friend. Speak to him the truth."

*********

As a child, Qui-Gon had once visited Dagobah with Yoda. Many years later he had understood and greatly appreciated the lessons he had learned while there.

However, during the sixty cycles they had been there he had despised every microsecond. When he had nightmares of the Dark Side, he imagined it to be like the dank, murky bogs of Yoda's home.

He had imagined that those who Turned spent eternity in a swamp on Dagobah, carrying an effigy of Yoda on their backs.

He was wrong.

The Transport had been everything he'd imagined and more. Two Jedi and a Wookie made three on a ship built for an Ewok. Obi-Wan had been unable to contain his odd sense of humour, and Qui-Gon spent the trip hovering between laughter and tears.

He had spent most of his time pretending to meditate, and wondering if any of his species had ever actually died as a result of sexual frustration.

And now they were standing in the quarters set aside for visiting dignitaries. One room, in the center of which was a large pool of hot spring fed water, the only source of heat other than themselves. One large bed, covered with furs.

Obi-Wan commented it looked like something out of a Pleasure Den on Coruscant. *That* was an image Qui-Gon could have lived without.

"Well Master, as we have no where to be for the next few cycles, I am going to take a bath and relax - care to join me?"

Qui-Gon now knew the Damned went to Hoth.

**********

The training bond was all but gone.

His Master hadn't completely severed it, but it was barely a whisper of what it had been.

Obi-Wan knew that the bond between them had always been stronger and somehow truer than that of other master/padawan pairs. Even before Qui-Gon had accepted him as his Padawan Learner, he had been able to touch the mind of the other. It had saved his life, and it had saved Qui-Gon's life.

The bond had expanded and strengthened. Emotions were easily read, and while thoughts were not exchanged, images often were. It enabled them to move together, to learn from each other, and it had kept them alive.

Somehow, Obi-Wan knew that it was only a matter of time before they formed a full Bond, one that enabled them to actually read the projected thought of the other - to have conversations within their own minds.

And maybe then...

But now there was less than there had been at the beginning. Obi-Wan felt empty. His mind and soul had known the presence of another for so very long that he was almost unable to cope. It felt as if there were something he could almost, but not quiet hear. As if something vital to his existence was just ever so slightly out of range.

He hadn't realised just how bad it had become until the first night they had arrived on this Force forsaken ice cube. He had been relaxing in the hot pool in their quarters when his master has stripped and joined him. Obi-Wan had seen his Master naked many times, but never, ever, had he seen him with an erection. It had forced all the air from his lungs. He had been completely unable to hold back the wave of lust (and not a little envy) that had hit him. But as he opened his mouth to apologise, he saw that Qui-Gon had not noticed. He had probed gently along the bond, and realised that what he had inadvertently sent had not been received.

He had almost cried.

The last time they had been here, the two men had slept wrapped in each other's arms. Obi-Wan had loved the safe and warm feelings that it had evoked. He knew that his Master had no feelings for him other than that of a much-loved student; that had become quite clear over the years - but somehow he couldn't help but dream soft dreams when his Master was close.

For the last five nights Qui-Gon had stripped off his robes, gathered the furs around him, and turned his back on his apprentice. It had hurt badly enough that Obi-Wan had felt the need to meditate to help release his tangled emotions into the force.

He knew that Qui-Gon didn't love him, he had accepted it and moved on as it were. He knew that he wasn't projecting or broadcasting any inappropriate emotions or desires. So why had his Master cut him off?

**There is no Passion, there is Serenity**

Yeah, right.

***************

"They've accepted the treaty, all three sides are happy, and the Council has come out of this with its dignity intact - Master, does this mean we can go someplace a little more hospitable to warm blooded life?"

"Obi-Wan you know better than to anticipate the needs of the Council - perhaps they will send us to Dagobah, or somewhere on the Outer Rim."

Obi-Wan didn't even try to suppress the groan and was rewarded with the first genuine smile he'd seen in what felt like forever.

"Relax my friend, we are being sent to Phalate Prime - temperate, beautiful, three moons, and I'm told the locals are highly warm blooded."

That was a tone of voice that he had never heard Qui-Gon use, and he wasn't so sure he liked it.

******************

Qui-Gon wondered how much longer he as going to be able to hide from Obi- Wan.

It was a stupid thing to even be attempting. He was a Jedi Master, a teacher, and a diplomat; considered a wise man. Reduced to a six and a half foot tall erection.

He knew he had to tell his apprentice the truth, and soon, or Yoda would take it upon himself to do it for him. And no matter what the personal cost, Qui-Gon knew that the information had to come from him. Not that he considered Yoda to be insensitive, but he somehow doubted that the ageing master would be able to keep his opinions on the matter to himself. And Yoda was most undignified when he giggled.

He knew in his heart that he had put it off too long already. Hoth had been a nightmare, and Phalate Prime had been worse; at least on the ice plains of Hoth Obi-Wan had kept his clothes on.

He was going to lose his apprentice. The fear washed over him like an icy wind. He centred himself, knowing he had to release the fear into the force but it was becoming so difficult. How could he reconcile losing the one person who was most vital to his continued well-being?

Yoda had no answers for him. For a brief time he had considered confiding to Mace, asking for his opinion, or advice, or who knew what. He had dismissed the idea quickly. The fewer that knew about this, the better.

Qui-Gon knew that he was letting vanity and fear override common sense and he didn't have a clue how to stop. He needed to meditate - desperately. He also needed sleep, and food.

And may the Sith rule the galaxy, he needed to have sex with someone other than himself.

A sharp buzzing interrupted his chaotic thought "Master? Where are you? Are we not supposed to be involved in a sabre practice session?"

Wonderful. It seemed he couldn't even manage to be punctual. Jedi Master indeed.

*************

Obi-Wan stood in front of his Master with his lightsaber at the older man's throat and came to the not so startling conclusion that enough was enough.

"Master, do you not think it is time to tell me what is going on?"

"Padawan do not feel that you were able to best me today only because I am distracted. You have come far in your training, never doubt that."

"Master..."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and Obi-Wan noticed that a small smile had been allowed escape. "Yes Padawan, I agree it is long past the time for me to be honest with you. I wish to bathe and rest - gather my thoughts," he added and Obi-Wan let his protest die, unvoiced. "I will tell you everything. Obi-Wan, but I need to do so in my own fashion."

"Fine Master, but do not think that I will forgo this. You will tell me."

*******

The bath had done nothing to calm Qui-Gon's nerves. He considered meditating, but knew that he would have no better luck there than he had for days.

Obi-Wan needed to know the truth. Qui-Gon had never lied to his Padawan and this was not the time to start. Donning fresh robes he simply sat on a couch and waited for Obi-Wan's return, trying to order to his whirlwind thoughts.

The young man entered their quarters and without a word sat on the floor at his Master's feet. An image, white hot, flared in Qui-Gon's mind and he decided space was needed. He stood and crossed the room with little of his usual dignity.

Obi-Wan's jaw hit the floor. "Right. Qui-Gon Jinn, you will tell me what is going on and you will tell me now. You haven't eaten for days, meditated for weeks, and I suspect it's been even longer since you slept. You are short tempered, and I have twice almost beheaded you in combat. I am beginning to fear for your control, and perhaps my sanity. Master, what is happening? Honestly, if I didn't know you as I do I would think you were in love."

"Were it that simple my Obi-Wan. It seems that I have reached maturity."

"Maturity? Master what are you talking about? Has something made you think you are old? Master you are only 60."

"No, Obi-Wan not that type of maturity. I have neared the first quarter of my life-span, and have reached sexual maturity."

"Sexual m... You mean Puberty? Master you're 60 years old."

"It's not quite the same for us. I went through part of what you would call puberty in my early twenties. I grow hair, for example, and my voice has already risen."

"Excuse me, did you say the tenor of your voice went up??"

"Yes, of course. And I shall grow no taller; height is not a sexual characteristic. But there are some similarities to your puberty."

"Hormones?" Obi-Wan asked, not unkindly.

"Hormones," Qui-Gon confirmed. "I find I am unable to control the reactions of my body. As my physical sexual characteristics continue to develop, I find my self...distracted."

"No *taller*...develop... Sith! Master, how much bigger can it get?"

For the first time in his life, Qui-Gon blushed.

*****

A cup of soothing tea in his hand, Qui-Gon waited for the questions to start. He knew he was not going to enjoy answering them, but he knew that he must.

"Are you a virgin, Master?"

Oh good, start with the easy one. "Yes, Obi-Wan I am. Until a few weeks ago, no other possibility existed for me."

"You mean you've never even...um..."

"Pleasured myself? I have had three padawans, all of whom reached sexual maturity while under my care, I am familiar with the concept, but it is only recently that I have had any physical need to do so."

"You seem to be taking this all rather well. I see no cause for distraction, not to the extent I've seen anyway. What haven't you told me yet Master?"

Qui-Gon gathered himself tightly. Moment of truth. "Do you trust me, Obi- Wan?"

There was no hesitation "With my soul, Master."

"I have already spoken with Master Yoda, he shall take over the last of your training, if you so choose. You need to learn more of the living Force, and he is perhaps the best teacher for you. I shall be available for you if-"

"MASTER!" said Obi-Wan, obviously trying to keep the desperation out of his voice "What are you talking about? Why are you leaving me? What have I done!?!"

Qui-Gon was aghast as his Padawan, his friend, his equal in so very many ways knelt on the floor in front of him, tears barely held back. This was not going at all well.

"Obi-Wan, please do not fear, you have done nothing wrong. It is I who have betrayed you, but please know and understand that it was not by choice."

Obi-Wan reached up a hand and tugged at the older man until he joined him on the floor. When they sat face to face, he tried again.

"Qui-Gon, I have been trained, by you I might add, to communicate in fifteen languages; could you please start over using one of them."

"I love you. I am 'in love' with you. I desire you. Does that allow you to understand why I am no longer able to attend to your training?"

"You...? How...? When?"

"I have loved you with all my heart for many, many years, my friend. But the feelings have been non-sexual. Even if you hadn't been a child, sexually speaking, *I* was. It never occurred to me that we would still be together when maturity came- I am a little early."

"Master, is this why you have closed your mind to me?" Obi-Wan thought for a moment, trying to decide if he was himself ready for this. "Will you open your mind to me? I do not want to leave you Master, can't we try?"

"No." The word was spoken softly, and Qui-Gon watched Obi-Wan shiver, as if something unpleasant had slithered down his spine.

He watched his Padawan try to contain himself before rising to his feet and beginning a most un-Jedi like pacing. "Master, how can you deny us the chance to continue? You can't fear rejection - I refuse to believe you paid so little attention to me during my own puberty. I would be more than willing..."

"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon rose and grabbed his Padawan's shoulders. "I am entrusted with your training, *willing* does not enter into it. I remember your puberty clearly. I knew that you had a crush on me, and that you felt rejected. The images were interesting, but as meaningless to me as a display of… Gungan erotic sculptures. Perhaps I should have explained that then, to ease your heart, but you have not exactly been pining away in unrequited love, and when the opportunity presents itself your bed does not remain empty." Disgusted with himself, and uncomfortably aware that touching his apprentice had been dangerous to his libido, he turned away and walked out to the terrace overlooking the Council chamber. "This discussion is at an end, please prepare yourself for the change."

"No Qui-Gon, it is not. What are you not telling me, Master? The truth, Master, please."

"Padawan, I do not seek a bed-partner, it is...not our way."

There is no passion, there is serenity: For the first time Obi-Wan understood what that mean. "You seek a mate. Your people mate for life, don't they, Master."

A Soul Bond. Qui-Gon had all but severed their training bond so as not to accidentally force himself into his Padawan's mind. He felt like screaming his joy to the skies. Joining his Master on the balcony, Obi-Wan found he could no longer keep the smile off his face.

"I love you."

"It does not matter. I am your teacher, your trainer. It is a betrayal of trust."

"Qui-Gon, are you listening to yourself? Teacher? Trainer? This is not the Coruscant Academy, you are not a professor - you are a part of me."

"I am still your Master."

"The way you have been behaving the past few cycles, I wonder. Look, you are inferring that we have a relationship based on trust and on my need to be trained by you. If that were the case, masters would be interchangeable - do you feel that they are?"

"Obi-Wan, you are refusing to see what..."

"No, Master, it is you who is blind to what is in front of you. You have put yourself through torment for no reason, and dragged me down with you. Oh Qui- Gon, why do you not listen to your own lessons?" Obi-Wan stopped his pacing and sat on the cold balcony tiles at his master's feet.

"Master, do you not understand? You have been inside my head since I was 13. We had forged the beginnings of a bond even before I was officially taken as your Padawan Learner. Reflect back upon the bonds you had with your other padawans. Was your training bond with Xanatos even a fraction of what we have - or rather what we had before you decided that I needed to have a piece of my soul amputated for my own good."

Obi-Wan stopped talking for a moment and opened his arms. Qui-Gon sank to the floor and took hold of the offered hands.

"The first threads of a Soul Bond formed long ago. The Force has put us together, do not cast us asunder. Oh, my Master, I love you, I am 'in love' with you, and by the Force, I desire you."

Qui-Gon didn't answer him. He didn't seem to be able to. Instead he lowered his mental shields and let Obi-Wan in.

His head was flooded with feelings and images. All of Qui-Gon's emotions soared into his mind and carried him away. Qui-Gon wanted him, needed him, loved him. It was every impossible dream that had ever haunted him in the darkness.

Instinct told him that he would need to take the lead - at least for now. Some of the images that were now lingering in his thoughts told him that his Master was no shy flower, although he wasn't entirely sure some of them were anatomically possible...

He opened his eyes and saw the pain on the other's face. Qui-Gon had let the control go but Obi-Wan now understood that he had it in his power to ease the pain.

"Oh my Master, let me..." he reached out and caressed the beautiful proud face of his love. Oh to finally be able to touch this man as a lover. With quick fluid movements Obi-Wan stripped the robes off his Master. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to simply feel; to be able to touch the warm soft skin was such a joy, a simple pleasure that amounted to so much.

Qui-Gon was suffering, so Obi-Wan decided that a bit of relief was needed. He reached down and began a slow, steady, smooth stroking designed to bring the other to a quick, fast finish.

He was unprepared for the scream that accompanied Qui-Gon's orgasm. He was a bit concerned until he realised that he had heard the sound in his mind, not with his ears.

"Qui-Gon? Do you feel it, love? The Bond?"

His breathing was still erratic, but some semblance of control was returning to his fevered mind.

"Obi-Wan, are you sure? There is still time to stop. You don't fully understand what it is you are doing here."

"Master, your thoughts have made it perfectly clear."

"Obi-Wan, please, you know that we mate for life..."

"You are concerned that my life-span is so much shorter than your. Master, we will have perhaps a hundred years together in this life and then we will be together for eternity in the force. I know that you will likely outlive me by several hundred years and that is a long time to be alone, but Master, I will somehow always be there for you. I will never leave you." Obi-Wan's voice faded as Qui-Gon began looking at him as if he had lost his mind.

"Obi-Wan, that I might outlive you never crossed my mind. It is a Soul Bond, you would survive my death, but I will not live one breath past the end of your life. But, as a Bonded pair our lives as Jedi will forever changed."

"Oh, My Master...my life forever changed the first second I saw you. But I think perhaps you are right, I am not sure I can live with the knowledge that I will shorten your physical life. But to be honest with you my Master, I do not think that even if I had the slightest desire to do so, I could stop this. Now, kindly stop bemoaning your fate, and come here and enjoy it."

Obi-Wan's touch felt like a cool waterfall on his overheated skin. Qui-Gon was drowning in sensation. He tried to focus, to understand what was happening. He felt he was losing himself.

"No my love, not lost, still seeking. Come to me, let me show you the way to the light."

Qui-Gon tried once again to focus, then gave in to the desires of his heart and soul. He wanted...no, he didn't know what he wanted, other than to know every inch of the man who was caressing him, leaving streaks of fire where ever he touched.

"Master..."

**Master**

Qui-Gon shuddered as he realised he had heard the word as a caress in his mind. He felt the gentle press of lips against his own and lost whatever remained of his battle for control.

Qui-Gon lay in his lover's close embrace, trembling through the aftermath of his second orgasm. He was somewhat shocked to find himself still hard, still in need, but Obi-Wan didn't seem fazed in the least and the warm hands that were soothing him slid to caress his flanks. He felt the warm joyous feelings travelling down the ever strengthening bond. Obi-Wan's love for him was all encompassing, all powerful and nothing could ever harm him as he was protected within the shield of it.

**Master, has your love for me ever been anything less?**

Qui-Gon finally felt some of his legendary control returning to him. He looked up into the green-blue eyes of his apprentice, and laughed aloud at the thought that here it was he who was the apprentice.

"I have no idea what to do, Obi-Wan."

"Well, you certainly had some ideas earlier." The grin was best described as lecherous.

Qui-Gon felt a weight lift. It was going to be - no it already was - all right. Everything was good, and right, with them, with the force, with the entire universe.

**Well Master, I don't know about the universe, at least not yet.**

Qui-Gon laughed out loud and it felt *good*. He reached up to touch the hair that had haunted his dreams and wrapped the braid around his hand, using it as a handle to bring the other's mouth to his. Perfect. No other word would do. Obi-Wan's lips were soft and warm, the slight stubble tingled. It was a gentle kiss, soft, easy. Discovery and temptation - he felt the pressure to explode once more but he wanted to keep this gentle, to be able to explore, to learn all there was to learn about his young love.

**Master, there will be time for gentleness later**

And once again, his love, both his student and his teacher, was right.

*******************