Jedi Emu


Last updated 12th June, 2001

Once again, The Emu is going far away from her beloved computer. I don't know what sort of internet access I'll have, except that it will be feast or famine. Either way, the only contact for the next few months will be

6th June
The Agents Of Washington or A Slave To Duty (7k)
by Dot (X-Files)

29th May
Shrift II (TPM)
Shrift I (TPM)

16th May
Like So Much Dust (TPM)

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Phantom Menace    Voyager    X-Files    Original    Links

I don't want the internet turned into a great G-rated playground. Adults like to play here, too, and we can best keep everybody happy if adults heed sex and violence warnings as they prefer and under-18s have the consideration to keep away from the NC-17 stories. (Steal the magazines from under your brother's bed, like we did in the old days.)

It's a scientifically proven fact that feedback ions generate a creativity field, increasing fictional output. Complimentary e-mails boost ego integrity. Critical e-mails are used to stabilise the plausibility generator. Both are welcome on the good ship Emu at

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Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

NEW!(Well, newish.)    Shrift (37k)
You-know-what didn't happen in TPM. Years later, Obi-Wan returns to Coruscant and unfinished business. Qui-Gon is having trouble with Anakin; it's not all Light at the Jedi Temple.
PG. Story, Mild Angst. (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan).
Vague spoilers for The Phantom Menace & Jedi Apprentice #2.
(August 1999, revised May 2001)

NEW!    Shrift II (63k)
On Naboo, as Anakin's training continues, Obi-Wan begins to realise how much has changed in the seven years since he left Qui-Gon. Worlds and people are different, and not always better. Perhaps, terrifyingly, he has changed the most of all. Sequel to Shrift.
Rated R for sex. Story, Adventure, Angst, (Q/O).
(May 2001)

The Sweet Taste of Gungan (24k)
There is no pain; there is avoidance. Qui-Gon finds comfort in the arms of another. Inspired by page 8 of the Storybook.
Rated R for mild sexual references. Story, Mild Angst. (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon/Jar Jar).
(September 1999)

Bruck Tales: The Shadowed Force (23k)
It's hard to pity Obi-Wan when you've been thrown to the Dark before the story even begins. Bruck Chun struggles to live with the consequences of giving in to a single moment of Darkness.
Rated G. Story, Mild Angst.
Spoilers for Jedi Apprentice #1.
(November 1999)

Bruck Tales: Lessons on Coruscant (50k)
Bruck manages to score some downtime with Obi-Wan at the Temple. Teenage hijinks ensue, Padawan-style. Master Jinn shows that torturing your charges is just one of the many wonderful fringe benefits of parenting.
Rated PG for teenage drinking. Story, Romance. (Bruck/Obi-Wan).
(December 1999)

Chastity (30k)
Obi-Wan learns that Qui-Gon has a dangerous secret, but Qui-Gon is not willing to let go of the darkness in his clutches. (See also the companion piece: The First Need.)
Rated R for sex. Story, Angst. (Qui-Gon/other, Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan).
Standard spoilers for Jedi Apprentice #2.
(October 1999)

The First Need (15k)
After Xanatos, Qui-Gon travelled alone, in search of something he'd never known he needed: a touch of the dark. A Chastity companion utilising wet clothing description.
Barely rated R. Story, Mild Angst. (Qui-Gon/other).
(October 1999)

The Offering (18k)
Flaming torches. Religious zealots. Human sacrifice. Oil. Obi-Wan, Faithful Padawan, coming to his Master's rescue. Force help us all.
Illustration (112k)
(October 1999)

Offering Two: Reoffering (19k)
Sequel to The Offering. Qui-Gon needs to have sex. He really needs it. Like, right now. But first, Obi-Wan has some questions, because he's beginning to realise that Qui-Gon is quite, quite stupid.
Rated NC-17 for all sorts of sexual hijinks. Story, PWP, Humour, Kink (Qui/Obi).
(April 2001)

Are you there Force? It's me, Obi-Wan. (92k)
In response to a list thread asking for alternate versions of TPM backstory, I offer 'If Judy Blume wrote Jedi Apprentice'. Hence, Qui-Gon and his new padawan move to New Jersey, where Obi-Wan begins the trials of adolescence.
Rated PG-13 for a teen's sexual fantasies and all the horrors of puberty. Story, Humour, Angst.
Based on the Blume novel Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.
(April 2001)

Minuend (28k)
Experienced!Qui-Gon resolves to show Reluctant!Obi-Wan the benefits of an older, male lover. Built from the list of "lines you won't see in Q/O" from Mac and Trinity. (See also Exigency, an unofficial sequel.)
(February 2000)

Guest Author:
Exigency (37k) by 'chelle
Obi-Wan tries to win back the love he believes he has lost. Unofficial sequel to 'Minuend'.
Rated NC-17 for sex and adult themes, Story, PWP, Angst, (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan).
(February 2000)

Obilin (24k)
Years ago, Obi-Wan made a grave error in judgement. He is not the first Jedi to overestimate his control, but such slips usually destroy a life, not create one. The time has come to deal with the consequences, and Obi-Wan must decide what it means to be a father.
Rated PG for adult themes. Story, Angst.
(April 2001)

Charitable Deeds (50k) by 'chelle and The Emu
The proceeds of a slave-auction: Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan. Sex. More sex. Still more sex.
Rated NC-17 for gratuitous sex, PWP, Humour, Kink. (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan, You).
(February 2000)

Guest Author:
Any Port in a Storm (72k) by Keelywolfe
A bit of a problem with the weather in the middle of a training exercise lands Obi-Wan into trouble.
Rated NC-17 for sex, Story, Angst, (Xanatos/Obi-Wan).
Written from an Expanded Emu Plot Bunny (TM). Since I can't write Xan, I'm laying part claim to this one.
(April 2000)

Phantom Menace Quickfics
A 'quickfic' is a piece that I haven't edited much, written more
to express an idea (or a mental image...) than as a story in itself.

Ode to Qui-Gon (12k)
Qui-Gon reflects on his beautiful padawan, and is gently shown that he's worthy of a little reflection, too.
Rated R for sex, PWP, Romance. (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan).
(December 1999)

A touch of lace (8k)
There just isn't enough attention paid in this fandom to Qui-Gon's legs. Sequel follows below.
Rated R for sex. PWP. (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan).
(August 1999)

A pair of heels (10k)
There was no angst in the first story. Must atone. Sequel to A touch of lace. A further sequel might be available on request.
Rated R for sex. Angst, PWP. (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan).
(August 1999)

A Jedi's Armour (8k)
Obi-Wan muses on that which makes his master human.
Rated R for sex and adult themes. Vignette, PWP, (Q/O).
(February 2001)

One Contemned (9k)
There are many things a Jedi does not do, but there are just as many circumstances that change the rules. Obi-Wan is asked a difficult thing. Response to the "I don't want to die a virgin," challenge.
Rated PG for implied sex. Vignette, Angst. (Pairings: You'll work it out soon enough).
(November 1999)

In the Arms of Family (22k)
Obi-Wan's mother is dying. He returns to his family home, and realises that he doesn't quite know what family is.
Rated NC-17 for sex, and very adult themes. Story, Angst, Kink, (Obi/Owen).
(March 2001)

NEW!    Like So Much Dust (16k)
After the death of his lover, Qui-Gon tries to imagine how he could ever live alone.
Rated R for sex. Story, AU, Angst, Non-JA, (Q/O, Q/m).
(May 2001)

The Phantom Menace Review (3k)
A fairly straight review, which I'm really only putting there in defence against anyone thinking that just because I write the fanfic, I like the movie.
Rated G, Non-fiction: Review
(April 2001)

The Fast Forwarder's Guide to The Phantom Menace (TM)
                for your improved viewing pleasure (7k)
This one is here in case you want to know what I really think.
Rated G, Non-fiction: Review
(April 2001)

Star Trek: Voyager

Undergrowth (13k)
Chakotay makes a move on Janeway, and takes the rejection badly.
NC-17 for graphic sex and adult issues, PWP, Not-exactly-romance (J, C & P in assorted combinations and degrees).
No spoilers past Resolutions.
(February 1999)

Absumption (71k)
Timeless could have been worse. Someone might have survived.
Rated R for language, sex, and adult themes. AU. (J/P).
Spoilers, obviously, for Timeless.
If you're interested, I have written Author Notes (7k) for dessert.
(May 1999)
 First Place, Best General Romance Angst story (VOY), ASC Awards, 1999
 First Place, Best Janeway/Paris Story (VOY), ASC Awards, 1999

The Lover (106k)
After the hallucinations of Persistence of Vision, Janeway is feeling the wear of the Delta Quadrant, so she organises a road trip with the easy-going Tom Paris. Sometimes, all you need is a good fu-... breathing spell.
Rated R for detailed nookie, Story, Romance, (J/P).
Spoilers for Persistence of Vision and Mosaic.
(April 2000)

Symbiosis I: Conversation (34k)
Late night conversations with Paris lead Janeway to reevaluate her relationship with Chakotay. First in a series.
PG, Story, Romance (J/C, J/P).
Set sometime after season four. No episode spoilers, but it does incorporate Mosaic.
(December 1998)

Symbiosis II: Abrogation (25k)
Janeway and Paris go steady.
PG, Story, Romance (J/P).
(February 1999)

Symbiosis III: Reparation (35k)
Good advice comes from unlikely sources, and everyone has some mending to do. Final in the trilogy.
PG, Story, Romance (J/P).
(April 1999)

Symbiosis: Author Notes (3k)
If you've read the story, and you're remotely interested in hearing me blather about the whys and hows of writing it, please drop in.

The Chuukiri (61k)
In a remarkable twist of fate, Chakotay crashes a shuttle. Lost, injured, and without a universal translator, he must rely on an unwilling stranger to survive.
Rated G. Story, Romancish, a bit of Adventure. (C/f).
No spoilers. Can be read as a sequel to Symbiosis, but it stands entirely on its own.
The traditional Author Notes (3k) are included, though I didn't have much to say on this one.
(July 1999)

Gifts (13k)
Janeway and Paris find romance in tradition.
Rated R for sex. Story, Romance (J/P).
(December 1998)

Voyager Quickfics
A 'quickfic' is a piece that I haven't edited much,
written more to express an idea than as a story in itself.

Rest Stop Series A cooperative effort.
Humour, J&P...; until Sasscat gets her paws on it...
   1. Rest Stop (6k) by Sister Mary Kathryn
    The Voyager bathroom isn't good enough for Tom. Rated PG.
     First Place, Best Overall Challenge Story, ASC Awards, 1999

   2. Trade Diplomacy (4k) by The Emu
    Paris has something Janeway wants. Rated PG.
     Second Place, Best Humour Story (VOY), ASC Awards, 1999

   3. Negotiation Tactics (5k) by Sasscat Bu-to-y
    Janeway tries to figure out how to get what she wants. Rated R.
(June 1999)

Green (6k)
Fruit picking gets dirty.
G, Story. (J&P;).
(June 1999)

Empty Space (10k)
Missing scenes from Investigations. (Yeah, I know, like that's never been done before.)
G, Story, Romancish, Slashy. (C/P).
(November 1998)

Neelix is a sex god, you will become an obsessed Neelix fan.
The Emu's Fanfic Exam (35 questions)
Paris should wear
a something with lace.
b blue, to bring out his eyes.
c a seatbelt.
d a condom.

Rated R for sexual themes. Quiz, Bits of everything.
(Last updated Dec. 1998)

The X-Files

Guillain Barré (107k)
Routine vaccinations have left a number of children with a rare illness. Investigations and some help bring Mulder & Scully revelations about the conspiracy. Apparently, it runs a little higher than they suspected.
PG, Conspiracy/X-File, some Mulder/other UST (but still shipper-safe), a dash of angst.
Based on Red Museum, Talitha Cumi, and especially Herrenvolk.
(August 1997)

The Emu presents Andrew Lloyd-Webber's X-Files: The Musical (29k)
That pretty much covers it. Break out your 'Best of Lloyd-Webber' CDs: this is The Phantoms of the X-Files with a full star cast. Includes hits like 'Fox Mulder, Spooky Star' and 'Don't Cry for me, Agent Mulder'.
PG, Conspiracy/X-File, tentatively Humour.
Spoilers to and including Terma.
(May 1999)

NEW!    Guest Author:
The Black Oily-Cartel Opera Company Presents an excerpt from
The Agents Of Washington or A Slave To Duty
(7k) by Dot
Gilbert and Sullivan filk, inspired by The Emu presents Andrew Lloyd-Webber's X-Files: The Musical
Rated G. Filk, Humour.
Small spoilers for various episodes.
(June 2001)

Skinner's Secret (8k)
Scully needs to get into Skinner's pants. And he's not too happy about it.
PG, Story, Humour.
No spoilers.
(June 1997)

Roy (32k)
Mulder and Scully investigate a series of murders where the killer is not the common factor. In fact, the only threads tying the murders are the lack of motive... and the fact that all the victims are named "Roy".
PG for mild violence, X-File.
No spoilers.
(March 1997)

X-Files Quickfics
A 'quickfic' is a piece that I haven't edited much,
written more to express an idea than as a story in itself.

Sometimes I Type (2k)
A disclaimer filk of Wonderful! Wonderful!, music for mutants to kill by.
G, Filk.
No Spoilers.
(June 1997)

The Innocent (4k)
During Max, Skinner's deal with Cancerman raises its ugly head. Musings of a Pendrell-fan in denial.
PG, Vignette.
Post Tempus Fugit.
(June 1997)

Dignity (5k)
Response to a challenge (my own), in which Scully writes a letter of farewell to Mulder before her death.
PG, for a debatably adult theme, Vignette, Angst.
Set a long time after Momento Mori.
(April 1997)

And turning off the TV set...

Rain (13k)
A semi-autobiographical trip through paralysis.
Written for a university assignment.
(June 1998)

Solanum the Wizard (2k)
The search for meaning.
Many years old, now, but still my favourite piece. Published in the anthology Portraits of Life in 1996.

Celebrity (7k)
The little people gather for a chance to touch fame. This is The Emu's poor attempt at literary journalism.
Rated G. Non-fiction
(April 2001)

The culture of fandom: Deception as mass enlightenment (15k)
In The culture industry: Enlightenment as mass deception (1979), Adorno & Horkheimer argued that the expansion of popular culture was turning the population into mindless consumers. In this essay, I examine how members of television and movie fandom embrace mass culture, making meanings with the very culture that Adorno rejects.
Essay. Written for Communication Theory, June 1999.
Emu's rating: One of my better essays, probably accessible for senior highschoolers and up.
(April 2000)


The X-Files, Mulder, Scully, Cancerman and the Surly Pectoral God are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 and Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation.
Star Trek is the property of Paramount Pictures, along with the good ship Voyager, the irresistibly luscious Captain Kathryn Janeway /sigh/ and the rest of the crew.
Star Wars and all that Jedi repression belongs to George Lucas.
I use them all without permission, but without profit, and with lots of grovelling bows.

The stories on this page are mine, all mine, but it would be really hypocritical of me to steal characters and then get all possessive, so I only ask that if you archive, distribute, plagiarise or canonize my work, you let me know, so that I can feel suitably chuffed.

All slashers should have a direct bookmark to

minotaur's sex tips for slash writers
Minotaur is the Official Slasher's Gayboy reference. Got a question about the physics of man on man action? Searching for the meaning of a dirty word you can't find in the OED? Minotaur will know. And if he doen't know, he will find out. He also has a database of slash pages where you can search squillions of sites for art, fic, essays, info, whatever, by fandom, pairing, category. Add your own page.

If you're looking for more great fan fiction, I highly recommend:

The Phantom Menace

Master & Apprentice. An archive of Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan slash. Mentor-student dynamics and Jedi repression in a universe where the words "Yes, Master," aren't the least bit corny. Thank you, Mr Lucas!
The Jar Jar Slash Archive. We are the internet perverts the news channel warns you about.
Sith Academy. Had enough of Qui-Gon and his twit apprentice? Take a little training on the Dark Side, where Sith Lords kick ass.

Star Trek: Voyager

JuPiter Station. For those of us who see that Katie J. has more fireworks with her Helm Boy than with Tattoo-Man. Though there's a respectable dose of all three together. Yum.
Chakotay/Paris Writers' Support Group. Connects to lots of author's own C/P pages, so you can get it fresh.
JetK. Inspector Kashyk of the Devore Imperium was the sexiest hot-damn fuckable babe of a man ever to grace a Starfleet ship. Our Janeway deserves the best.


The Gossamer Archive. Contains most of the X-Files fanfic published on the 'net - 8000 stories at last count. Searchable 300 seperate ways, including by search engine. If you live a century, you'll never read it all.
Tina M's Specialised Archives link page. A comprehensive guide to specialised X-Files archives. Whatever toots your horn, from Cancerman slash to first person narratives to crossovers, you'll find an archive for it here.
Search Engine. Searches the author's own web pages for stories. Very cool.
Sisters in Smut. An archive devoted to the very worthy cause of Skinner erotica.

Voyager's Delights Award

The Emu's Feathers is a member of
The Phantom Menace Fanfiction Webring

This TPM fanfic site is owned by The Emu

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Click here to join the webring

If you are so inclined, you may also visit The Emu's X-Files page or home page. And in case you missed it the first time, I'm reachable at