Wait... God Of War? | The Anbreasia Stone


Response to Tali’s Challenge.

What if Kevin Smith was Ares God of War? (for story purpose he isn't married with children)

Something happens between Kevin Smith and Lucy Lawless (again for the story there is no husband, sorry Rob)

Renee O'Connor and Lucy Lawless are bridesmaids at a wedding

A piece of the set falls on Kevin Sorbo, making him lose his memory for a while.

Little Note: This story is purely for fun, and to keep the people from the Ares and Xena shippers club from going crazy!!

Disclaimer: I get no profit from this story. The character... ECT. As well as the story idea belong to ME!! The characters Ares, Gabrielle, Hercules, Callisto, Joxer and Xena and do not belong to me! And I am just borrowing them. No copy write infringement intended! Lucy Lawless, Hudson Leick, Kevin Smith, Ted Rami, Renee O’Connor and Kevin Sorbo belong to themselves. Hope they don’t get mad at me! The Producer and Writer and Director are very nice and hard working people I’m sure, I’m just playing with the positions! Please don’t get mad at me! I’m just borrowing them too! PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T SUE ME!!!! Please do not use this story on your web site, web page ect. without first asking me and receiving my permission, you may however use this story for private use, but must use it with all disclaimers and warnings. If you would like to send this story to a friend, please ask me first, and receive my permission, and you must not get any profit from the transaction.

Authors note: Wow, that was a pretty long disclaimer wasn't it?? I hope I got everything in though, I don't want anybody to take this story the wrong way! Hope I didn’t kill this story! And if I did... TALI MADE ME WRITE IT!! LOL, blame her!

Dedications: This story is for Kat, Illy, Barb, Noie, Liz, SR, Ephiny4, Sara, Tali, Tareena, Maureen, Megan, Mel, Eris, GOM, Grey, Lily, Xtreme, GsOW, Jason, Ephy, Kor, Jules, Destiny, for everyone I missed, and for everyone at the shippers club for their support, and for liking my stories, even when I didn't! (Man I really should alphabetize)

Warnings: Sex: No(Kissing only!). Subtext: Nope. Language: None. Violence: Nada.

Oh Yeah: Seeing as I couldn’t think of an episode with all these characters in it I have decided this is going to be a X:WP MOVIE! All characters in it, like a reunion of our favorites. So that’s where this whole thing take place. Maybe if you’re good and I get feedback I’ll do a story based on my idea for a Xena movie?

Rated: G, I know Squeaky clean, freaking weird for me!

Summary: Reply to Tali’s Challenge. Umm, do I need to tell you more? Tali MADE me do it!

‘Most girls want a man with the mean green. I don’t wanna dance if he can’t be everything I dream of, a man that understands real love!’ Pink from the song ‘I’m not every girl.’

Song Choice note: Felt like it.

Now for the story!!!!! *everyone still here claps*




Wait... God of War?


By Delenn





Lucy Lawless, Kevin Smith, Kevin Sorbo and Renee O’Connor were planning Hudson Leick’s wedding to Ted Rami. Renee and Lucy were the bridesmaids, and were having a fun time planning the wedding with Hudson. Kevin Sorbo couldn’t understand WHY Hudson felt the need to plan this on the set, couldn’t they go to her apartment or something. Hudson and Kevin screamed “LOOK OUT!”

But they weren’t quick enough, a piece of set fell on Kevin Sorbo. Fallowed by the set handler saying “Oop’s! Sorry! Don’t fire me!”

Everyone ran to check on Kevin Sorbo, Lucy, Hudson and Kevin lifted the Set off of Kevin Sorbo’s head. And Renee tried to sit him up, “Kev? Can you hear me?”

Kevin Sorbo looked up “Who are you? Where’s my mommy. I WANT MY MOMMY!”

Kevin Sorbo then started to throw a temper tantrum screaming ‘MOMMY’

Then he looked at Renee strange and laid his head on her lap “Pretty Woman!”

Renee looked at Lucy, Hudson and Kevin for help. Hudson shrugged, trying not to laugh “I can’t help, that guys huge!”

Lucy had tears in her eyes, she was trying not to laugh. “He likes you Renee, go for it.....”

Kevin was chuckling, but he did say “Oh common, Renee, that’s cute...”

Renee balled her fists “This ISN’T CUTE! Common, I have a boyfriend! He’ll KILL me!”

Lucy rolled her eyes “Common Kevin, we can lift him I think.”

Kevin shook his head but walked over to Renee and Kevin Sorbo and took one of Kevin Sorbo’s arms. Lucy walked over and took the other, they hefted him up. Lucy gasped “God! How much does he weigh?”

Kevin looked slightly strained as well “To much, we have to remind him to go on a diet when he’s back to himself.”

Renee smiled and got up, “Thank god! You sure took long enough!”

Hudson walked over too “Here, I’ll help you two. Wow he DOES need to lose some weight!”

Kevin Sorbo looked up suddenly and reached out for Renee, who backed up “Pretty lady, no I want to stay with Pretty lady!”

Lucy, Hudson and Kevin tried to hold Kevin Sorbo, but didn’t have much luck. He reached out and grabbed Renee’s wrist. “Stay pretty lady.”

Renee bit her lip “Awww... Ok, Kev, sure. We’re just gonna go to the Hospital, OK?”

Kevin Sorbo nodded “Yeah ok. I don’t like them, make them leave.”

Renee looked pleadingly but Hudson said “Go ahead, Renee, he likes you you’ll be fine and it’ll be a hell of a lot easier then us carrying him!”

Renee scowled at them “You heartless people! Common, Kev We’re gonna go away from the bad people and to a doctor!”

Hudson laughed “Come back in time to get fitted for your bridesmaid dress, Renee! Oh, I guess I’ll have to scrap Kev’s invite. I wonder if Sam ‘ll still want to come?”

Kevin tried not to laugh “That was very weird, somebody should fire that set director.”

Lucy exclaimed “Oh his WIFE! We have to call her!”

She pulled out her Nokia cell phone and dialed “Hello, Sam? It’s Lucy Lawless. I work with your husband? Yeah, hi. Umm, there’s been an accident on set, no nothing serious. He’s just being taken to a hospital now... No, no, he just seems to have lost his memory for a bit. Yeah, I’m sure the doctors will have him ok in no time. Yeah. You’ll Be right here? Ok, yeah somebody will take you to the doctors from here. Yeah. Ok, bye.”

Kevin asked “Everything ok?”

Lucy sighed “No, she was yelling at me the whole time! I tried to tell her it wasn’t my fault.... Hudson, would you mind taking her to the hospital? I really don’t want her yelling at me.”

Hudson laughed “Yeah, sure, no problem Lucy. We’ll catch up with you?”

Lucy said “Yeah, Kevin you want to come now too?”

Kevin nodded “Sure, Lucy.”

~*~

The nurse looked at the people in the waiting room. “Umm.... who are you here to see?”

Sam said “My husband, Kevin Sorbo, he’s having a check because he has lost his memory.”

The nurse smiled “Oh... I thought Mrs. Sorbo was already in there? Hmm... Weird.. And who are the rest of you?”

Hudson spared Lucy and said “The woman with Kevin Sorbo is Renee O’Connor. She works with us, and Kev seemed to want her to watch him when he lost his memory. Oh and I’m Hudson Leick. This is Lucy Lawless and Kevin Smith. We all work with Kevin Sorbo.”

The nurse shrugged. “Okay. Can I ask... Why are you all dressed for Halloween?”

Simultaneously Hudson, Kevin, and Lucy looked down. “Oh, crap!”

Lucy smiled sweetly, hey being an actress DOES have it’s upsides! “We were just filming a scene for our show.”

The Nurse shrugged, she still thought these people were weird (needless to say she didn’t watch TV.) “Ok, Mrs. Sorbo has already gone in to check on her husband, you can go in as well I suppose.”

They shrugged and walked away mumbling “Damn, why did I forget to change..” “Snap your fingers....not that hard...” “If this screws up my wedding, I swear!”

~*~

Renee let out a well practiced (Think Gabrielle here folks) whine when she saw her fellow actor/actresses. “LUUUUCY.. KEEEVINNN.... HUUUDSOOONNN! You LEFT me to deal with this! UGH! And I didn’t even have a chance to CHANGE, I look like a TOTAL DORK!”

Lucy, who had listened to that while playing Xena for years, said “Can’t come up with any new material, Renee, or should I say GABRIELLE.”

Renee scowled “Ha, ha, very funny.”

Hudson walked up to Renee and whispered “PMS?”

Renee laughed “Probably! Sorry guys, don’t mind me! So who called Sam?”

Sam looked up from where she was sitting by her husbands bed “HER.” She pointed to Lucy.

Lucy threw her hands up in the air “What?! What did I do to you?”

Renee poked Lucy “Love scene...”

Hudson laughed “Whoa, Sam, a little jealous, aren’t we? He’s an actor, aren’t you used to that by now?”

Sam scowled at Hudson “No.”

Lucy suddenly smiled “Kevin, come here for a sec.”

Kevin eyed Lucy wearily. “Why...”

Lucy rolled her eyes “Just come here!”

Kevin walked over to Lucy, who wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him full on. After a minute or two she pulled away, leaving a very stunned Kevin to just stand there. Desperately trying not to mention how much she ENJOYED when she had to kiss Kevin for scenes Lucy looked at Sam and said. “See. Nothing big. We’re all just friends on the shows.”

Renee added “Yep, with the occasional kiss. Part of being an actor or actress.”

Hudson laughed “Yep, that’s how I met my fiancee.”

Kevin looked from Sam to Lucy. “You and your bright ideas, Lucy.”

Lucy shrugged “Oop’s!”

Suddenly Kevin Sorbo started to stir in bed and all squabbles were forgotten, for a time. “S-Sam?”

Hudson giggled, similar to her Callisto laugh, “Oh he’s ok! My wedding will be SAVED! YAY! Hi, Kev! Ted will be SO happy you can still be his best man!”

Kevin Sorbo looked around the room. “Lucy? Hudson? Kevin? Renee?”

Sam stared at the people “Ok, thanks for getting my husband here, can you please leave now?”

Everyone nodded and left the room. As soon as they were out of the room Hudson pulled out a cell phone, she dialed “Hello? Teddy! Oh thank god you’re there! Kev was hurt on set, yeah he’s fine, yes he can still be your best man. I’ll be home in a few minutes, ok? OK, love you too Teddy poo!! buhbye!”

Renee rolled her eyes and looked to Kevin “Can you BELIEVE that?”

Kevin looked to Lucy “Can you BELIEVE Renee is complaining?”

Renee looked insulted for a moment before Lucy said “You and your boyfriend were like that for months too, Renee.”

Renee smiled. “Oh, Ok! Let’s go then!”

~*~

Kevin, Lucy, Hudson and Renee arrived back on set and were about to head to their dressing rooms when they remembered they still had more filming to do. Renee put her head in her hands “This is NOT my day!”

Hudson patted her friends shoulder “I know. I don’t think anyone is having a good day today.”

Lucy sighed “Back to work!”

While the women headed for the set Kevin looked around for the producer, director and writer. The producer was in the lunch room eating. The writer had apparently called it a day and gone home and the director was napping in his chair. The producer and director hastily got on set seeing the angered actors. The director asked “Where’s Kevin Sorbo? We need him for this scene!”

Hudson explained “Kev’s at the hospital, a set accident. Jump ahead to a scene he’s not in.”

The producer whined “But we need him now! This is going to throw back shooting! How long is he there for?!?”

Lucy and Hudson stood in their best I’m-an-evil-warrior-that-could-kick-your-ass-if-you-screw-with-me look and the producer sighed. “Fine, let’s skip the ‘sidekick’s and hero’s saving the village’ scene. Umm... How about the ‘evil warriors’ scene?”

The director nodded “That should work. Wait.... Where‘s Ted Rami?”

Renee headed off stage, waiting for her cue. Hudson looked around for her husband-to-be. “I don’t know!”

At that moment Ted came skidding into the room, wearing his Joxer outfit. “Sorry, guys, this thing is really hard to run in! Which scene are we shooting?”

The director sighed, this had interrupted his nap? “The ‘evil warriors’ scene. Is everyone ready?”

Kevin and Lucy walked off stage, joining Renee in waiting for their cue. Ted assumed a Joxer pose and waited for the director to say ready. Hudson stood just next to him, trying to blend in for the moment, they would add in her entrance with special effects later. The cameraman nodded and the director yelled “ACTION!”:

Joxer wonders around the room, brooding “Where did everyone go? What’s going on?”

Callisto appears in a flash of fire with screams echoing in the background, she is smiling. She pitched her voice to a sympathetic tone, cocking her head in a ‘I‘m thinking’ posture. “But it’s so simple, Joxer. They’ve left you alone, because you’re not ‘hero material’ I’m inclined to agree with their decision.”

Joxer frowns, trying to figure it out. “What do you mean by that....”

He looks up, fully realizing that this is the Goddess Callisto here, “Callisto? What do you want?”

Callisto smiles and circles Joxer, in a predatory manner, while trying to be sweet. “You promised me alliance, Joxer, or have you forgotten?” She states, as if it is that simple. “I am here to command a follower.”

Joxer gulps and looks nervous “Whatever you want, Goddess Callisto.”

Callisto pulls out a dagger, stops pacing so she is face to face with Joxer, puts the dagger to his throat and says, still smiling. “What I want? Why I would think it’s obvious, Joxer,” She pauses for effect. “I want YOU.”

Joxer gulps again, backing away a little so the blade isn’t quite so close to his throat. He manages to squeak, his voice just not co-operating, “Me?”

Callisto sighs and twirls the dagger absently. A disgusted look crosses her almost innocent looking face. “Yes, Joxer the ‘Mighty,’ you. I’m going to make a warrior out of you, make people fear your name.”

Joxer manages to get his voice back to normal, by some miracle, looking at Callisto, innocent and confused. “Why? For what price?”

Callisto smiles an insane glint in her eyes “Well now that you mention it....”

The director yelled “Good job! I think that scene actually works! We’ll go to commercial there. Then when we get back we’ll have the next scene. Lucy, Kevin, you ready? Good! Let’s go people! We’ve already lost time!”

Hudson smiled “Teddy! Isn’t this great? I mean I know you like to play comedy, but now we can be on the same side!”

Ted nodded and both of them walked off the stage rolling their eyes at the producer. Lucy and Kevin walked on stage and waited for the camera man to get ready. Lucy whispered “Why did we ever agree to do this?”

Kevin shook his head, along with Hudson who had heard her. The producer watched the cameraman with anger. He had a vain in his neck starting to bulge “Are you READY? Good! And... ACTION!”:

Xena glares at the God of War, “What do YOU want?”

Ares grins, mischief in his eyes “Do I have to ‘want’ something?”

Xena sighs “You always want something...”

Ares grin falters for a moment, then it is back as usual. He moves closer to the warrior “You know me too well...”

Xena rolls her eyes “Not really. You’re just so predictable.”

As she expects Ares stops moving towards her “Really? What do I want then?”

Xena taps her foot impatiently “How am I supposed to know?!”

Xena turns around and waits for him to leave. A voice right next to her ear says “If you’re nice I’ll tell you...”

Xena spins around and finds herself face to face with the God of War. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him deeply, he wraps his arms around her waist.

From the other side of the room the Director yelled, the vain in his neck was throbbing again. “CUT!!”

After a few minutes the producer yelled “CUT, CUT, CUT!!”

Finally Kevin and Lucy broke apart, Hudson and Ted were laughing and Renee was looking on muttering something along the lines of “They forgot my CUE!”

Kevin looked at the producer and asked nonchalantly “Problem?”

The director looked towards Lucy and said “Lucy! You’re supposed to slap him, not kiss him! Doesn’t anybody read the scripts?”

Lucy shrugged “I didn’t feel like it.”

The producer muttered “First with Ted and Hudson.... now this! This movie is NEVER going to get off the ground.”

Take 57:



Xena glares at the God of War, “What do YOU want?”

Ares grins, mischief in his eyes “Do I have to ‘want’ something?”

Xena sighs “You always want something...”

Ares grin falters for a moment, then it is back as usual. He moves closer to the warrior “You know me to well...”

Xena rolls her eyes “Not really. You’re just so predictable.”

As she expects Ares stops moving towards her “Really? What do I want then?”

Xena taps her foot impatiently “How am I supposed to know?!”

Xena turns around and waits for him ho leave. A voice right next to her ear says “If you’re nice I’ll tell you...”

Xena spins around and finds herself face to face with the God of War. In one fluid movement she steps away and slaps him “Talk...”

Ares chuckles, rubbing his jaw. “Now Xena, that’s not nice.”

Xena smiles “How about this? Talk or leave before I cram my boot half way up your----”

Ares steps closer to her again, not deterred in the least “Always so HOSTILE, my dear.”

They stand a hairs breath away from each other, Ares raises his hand to Xena’s face, when Gabrielle barges in “Xena! Joxer’s--- XENA!?!”

Xena steps away from Ares abruptly before she turns to Gabrielle, Xena’s eyes clearly display an ‘Oop’s’ look. She then turns to her blond friend, walking away from Ares “As I was saying... Get out before I---”

With a flash of blue light the God of War disappears shaking his head almost sadly. Gabrielle asks “What was that, Xena? What was HE doing here?”

Xena rolls her eyes, supposedly at the God of War who left. “He didn’t tell me, probably just bored and harassing me like usual.”

At Gabrielle’s skeptical look the warrior hastily changes the subject “You mentioned Joxer?”

Gabrielle’s eyes have a panicked look in them as she practically pulls her friend out of the room “He’s gone! I don’t know what we are going to do! He’s not in his room, you know how Hercules was depending on him with Iolaus..... you know.... gone...”

Xena focuses on the situation at hand “I know Gabrielle.... We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

Her eyes take on a farel gleam “I promise, nothing will stop me from finding Joxer and bringing him back.”

The director yells “And CUT to commercial! Perfect! And it only took.... what? 49 takes for you to slap him and let him leave, Lucy? Then only another 8 takes for Renee to stop laughing and look upset?! I’d say this is just great people!”

The director sounded sarcastic. Hudson, who had put up with the director and producer while she was first dating Ted said “Just remember, we can quit this movie.... And then where would you be? A couple thousand down, I believe.”

The director and producer both sighed and admitted “Alright, you’re right! let’s call this a wrap for today.”

Hudson, Joxer, Kevin, Lucy and Renee all sighed in relief. Drugging off to their dressing rooms and looking forward to being home and relaxing.

~*~

TBC

Wait... God Of War? | The Anbreasia Stone










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