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Jeffery, is currently in control of Stabeler.Com as his flatmates are incapable of being in control of anything

How did he come to be? Read on and you will see!


My Life Story

By JefferyDagoblin


It was a very cold morning and the fresh green lands were covered with a veil of mist. The morning dew was on the ground and all of my brothers and sisters were gathered round. I came into the world with a smile on my face and a finger in my nose! I was the first Dagoblin child to be born with a mind of my own!


Before I was born, my parents (Mr and Mrs Dagoblin) were poor garden goblins who didn't talk much and were content watching the flowers grow and sitting with their fishing rods and garden pots at the side of the pond on the farm. This was, of course, before the magic goblin of Rye came along and gave them the gift of life! (This was about the same time as the national press reported the disappearance of gnomes across the country! Strange coincidence?) As they had never been alive before, they, as you might expect, got overcome with lots of new emotions (other than the ones received by concrete statue's which lets face it, can't be that interesting) causing them to get rather 'experimental'. (The words 'at it' and 'like bunnies' springs to mind). This in turn generated lots of little Dagoblins, hence my brothers and sisters. They, however, were all born without the gift of life that my parents had acquired, so they spent their time much as my parents used to - sitting by the pond.

One warm summer night, my parents decided to sleep out under the stars and the full moon. They wanted to get away from it all and be together like it used to be, with no mortgage, loans, credit cards etc. Like when life was simple. They wished that they could turn back time not let the magic goblin of Rye change them. But they agreed that although they wanted to be normal again, they didn't want to waste this wonderful gift they had, but surely a younger Dagoblin could put it to better use?

Little did they know, at that point, all of the planets were in alignment, a shooting star was passing and they were lying on a four-leaf clover that was growing on a ley-line.

A few days later (after that particularly 'experimental' night, something to do with Gniagraä I think) Mrs Dagoblin realised that she was due to have another little Dagoblin, but this time it felt a little different.


Exactly five months later (the average gestation period for a Dagoblin child) on the first of September, Mrs Dagoblin went into labour, all the little Dagoblins gathered around to watch as usual. What was not usual however, was for Mrs Dagoblin to be having such a large child. It had grown massively throughout the last 5 months and a few of the younger Dagoblins were worried that she might pop!

Then, as the child was just about to appear, there was a strange noise, music, bells and flashing lights. The 'Shooting Planets, ley and Clover Corporationã ' messenger appeared and delivered this message.

Dear Sir/Madam

Thank you for using our service. As requested, your wish has been granted.

As stated in our marketing literature - 'In the event of your wish being unavailable, we will replace it with a wish of similar type and value'.

We have granted you a similar wish.

I hope that you are happy with your service and will continue to recommend us to your friends


Yours sincerely


The customer service manager


All of a sudden, I was born! I popped out, just like that! My mother fainted and dad started mumbling something about Gniagraä and four-leaf clovers. But I didn't care, I was alive at last. But my parents seemed to go all funny and start acting like my brothers and sisters, Sitting by the pond and fishing.

I grew up with my brothers and sisters on the farm and enjoyed every minute of it. They were pretty boring, but I made my own fun. I had started to notice that I was a little different to them but just tried to fit in.

One day I decided that I was going to discover what was outside the farm gates. I packed my bag and set off. It wasn't long before I found the town centre. Loads of people of all sizes and shapes (the only people I had ever seen before was the kind farmer and his wife) I decided to have a browse around the shops and see what all the fuss was about.

I went into a strange shop that at first glanced seemed to have others like me in it! But just as I realised that they were just statues, a lady picked me up, took me to the counter and bought me! I tried to tell her I was not a statue, but she couldn't hear me! I remembered that the only time the farmer could hear me, was when he had been drinking special 'happy juice' (I had never seen a happy fruit, but I assumed it came from somewhere else on the farm). It turned out that I was bought as a present the lady's son (Nick).

When I was taken out of the gift box, I was upset to find that I was to live in a strange flat with four people who were flat mates. I wasn't quite sure about this, as they looked a bit dodgy!

After a while I was told to stand at the top of the stairs and greet new visitors. Unfortunately, due to my slight immobility problem (being that I had been knocked around a bit in the box and hurt my leg), I was unable to move away from that spot. And the miserable gits I have to live with are too lazy to move me. I still sit there now mostly, although I do move around the flat now and then.

I have since learned what 'happy juice' is and regularly try to join in the revelry. I have become friends with my flatmates and when they are drunk, I get to talk to them. Not that they remember!

I sometimes get to meet people, but only when my flatmates have a party. But nobody really talks to me and if they do they are usually drunk, it's not as if I have breasts or anything!

So far I have not managed to hatch a cunning plan to escape, so I have decided to help my flatmates out by assisting the building of this website and running my own auction site. I have even managed to make friends with Le_bird, but she doesn't talk much!

I am a nice chap at heart! And have a very kind spirit! I get very bored, so I would really like it if you e-mailed me!

I'll give you updates of my life soon, but in the mean time, follow the links below to see the rest of our site.


JD's Esoteric Auction Site



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I was allowed to go into work with my flatmate Matt on Halloween! But it turns out I was part of the decoration!

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JefferyDagoblin's Esoteric Auction Site