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Book of Yoc-am (contd)

Inprise has yet again turned in poor financial results, is laying off 20% of its workforce, and is once more restructuring.

Borland becomes Inprise (recap)

  1. And it came to pass that the sons of Kahn, who had been known as the Borland-ites, announced that henceforth they were somewhat unconvincingly to be known as the Inprise-ites.
  2. So the Elders of the tribe, called the usual suspects, were dragged forth to proclaim that Inprise was in safe hands and that its values had changeth not. And Zackur-Lockur burnt his Borland T-shirts in public, and Giant I wrote jolly articles for the web site, and Char Leecalvert went unto the newsgroups of the Internet, yea unto the very pits of dirt and filth of the earth.
  3. And they cried out, saying: All is well! All is well!
  4. But all was not well.
  5. For it seemed that the tribe had departed far from the narrow path of wisdom, and instead wandered dangerously by night in the rain and spray on the Inter-State Highway of Folly, stumbling amongst the high speed traffic-burdened lanes, presenting a danger both unto itself and to others.
  6. Moreover, to stretch the metaphor way beyond its limit, the sons of Kahn wore not a bright yellow reflective high-visibility jacket.

Small prophet, quick return

  1. Now at that time the sons of Kahn were led by a man named Del Yoc-am. And this Yoc-am had dreamed a dream that he would become as that Oracle bloke, who is much interviewed in the press and upon the television, and who is by all accounts loaded. And when Yoc-am awoke, he was well pleased with this dream.
  2. Thus Yoc-am reasoned unto himself: All he doth is charge lots and lots of money for all his software. I shall go and do likewise, and then I too shall have my photograph in Time magazine, and be called forth to deliver opinions about the future of the Internet on the Letterman show.
  3. So Yoc-am took himself a basket, and filled it to the brim with freshly harvested Delphi, and went down from the valley of the Scotts unto the market place.
  4. And there chanced that way a small developer. And the small developer hailed Yoc-am saying, Greetings brother! How much for an upgrade to client/server?
  5. And Yoc-am answered, saying: Twelve hundred shekels to you.
  6. Then the developer replied, saying: No, no; just the upgrade please. I already have a copy of the previous version.
  7. But Yoc-am answered, saying: I heard you correctly. Its twelve hundred shekels for the upgrade. The full version costs thirteen-fifty.
  8. And the developer cried out involuntarily, saying: Blimey ORiley!
  9. Then the developer has a closer look at Yoc-ams basket, and he saw that the Delphi was infested with maggots and crawling things. And he spake unto Yoc-am, saying, I think Ill take a pass on this one, thanks all the same squire.
  10. And in a while there chanced that way a corporate developer. And the corporate developer hailed Yoc-am saying, Greetings. Where can I find an agent for the tribe of Mic-rosoftees?
  11. And Yoc-am answered, saying: Over there.
  12. And the corporate developer thanked Yoc-am saying: Thanks.
  13. And Yoc-am called out unto the corporate developer, saying: Just a minute. But the corporate developer was deep in conversation with the Mic-rosoftee, and heard him not.
  14. Thus, after many more similar failures, Yoc-am went back up to the valley of the Scotts with a full basket.

The coming of borland.com

  1. And the Nasdaq looked down upon the labours of Yoc-am, and it was mightily unimpressed.
  2. And Yoc-am in turn looked upon the wrath of Nasdaq, and was sore afraid. And he spake boldly unto his shareholders, saying, I shall slay one in every five of the sons of Kahn, it is the aggressive and logical thing to do. Moreover I shall create a new division called borland.com which, having a lower case, shall be a mighty hit on the Internet. Oh, and it might be easier to sell that way.
  3. Thus did Yoc-cam do these things. He did slay one in every five of the sons of Kahn, and the valley of the Scotts ran red with their blood. And he did make a new division, and called it borland.com, and put in it most of what was left of Borland. And he did other stuff with the Visigenics bit of Inprise, which frankly is of little interest.
  4. Moreover it came to pass that a great bewailing went up among the borland.com-ites, who had been Inprise-ites, who had been Borland-ites. And when they began to get over the massacre, they cried out to one another saying: Who shall lead us in this our hour of great need? For surely the leadership of borland.com is a can of poisoned Kool-Aid with worms in it.
  5. And there was heard a noise from the InterBase cupboard. And a little voice said: The door is stuck. Will somebody let me out?
  6. And using his great and mighty strength, the Giant I unlocked the door using a key he happened to have.
  7. And lo! They beheld a small bald man with a beard, blinking in the sunlight.
  8. And the borland.com-ites, who had been Inprise-ites, who had been Borland-ites cried out with one voice saying: Our leader! Our leader!
  9. In his dismay, the small man tried to run away, but the Giant I was standing on the tails of his coat, and he ran only in little circles.
  10. Then Char Leecalvert burnt his Inprise T-shirts in public, and Zackur-Lockur wrote jolly articles for the web site, and Giant I went unto the newsgroups of the Internet, yea unto the very pits of dirt and filth of the earth.
  11. And they cried out with one voice, saying: All is well! All is well!
  12. But customers of the sons of Kahn remembered yet again the wisdom of the great English prophet Mandee-rice Davis. And such men began costing ports to Vi Su-Albahsic, just to be on the safe side.


Verity Stob can be contacted through editors@ddj.com.

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