Rudy in Ruins

by Joseph Sobran

Note to this year’s candidates: You can tell your campaign is in trouble if your wife announces she’s going to appear in a play titled The Vagina Monologues. Additional tip: Your marriage may be in trouble too. Just as a rule of thumb, happy wives don’t appear in public discussing the frustrations of their private parts, even fictionally. It’s a definite warning signal.

I allude, of course, to the New York race for the U.S. Senate seat from which the venerable Democrat Daniel Patrick Moynihan is about to retire, unless he can be cajoled into seeking reelection as a Republican. Which is about the only possibility the frantic Republicans haven’t thought of since the amazing meltdown of Mayor Rudy Giuliani.

The Giulianis – Rudy and his wife, Donna Hanover, now a really well-known actress – are having the kind of family problems Republicans associate with the Clintons, Bill and his wife, Hillary Rodham, Rudy’s opponent in the Senate race. But Donna Hanover is no Hillary; one role she won’t play is Tammy Wynette.

In case you don’t read the New York Post, here is a brief rundown of recent events. For some time Rudy was rumored to be having a fling with one of his staffers, though he and the woman heatedly denied it. A few days ago, the aforementioned Post ran photos of him in the company of another woman, a middle-aged divorcee. Shortly after (or was it before?), Rudy announced that he had prostate cancer but wasn’t dropping out of the race, at least not just yet. Then, at Cardinal O’Connor’s funeral, Donna told the press she was thinking seriously about some unspecified "decisions" she had to make.

Then Rudy held a press conference announcing that he and Donna were separating, angrily deflecting questions about the Other Woman, whom he described as a "friend" and a "fine person." Hours later, Donna held her own press conference to say that Rudy had indeed played around with a staffer, that she thought the marriage was back on track, but that Rudy had then taken "another path," obviously meaning the latest Other Woman.

This was not quite the campaign the Republicans had in mind. It was as if the Almighty had decided to show Hillary, after several gaffe-plagued months, that there really is a God. Or maybe the Republicans were just determined to prove, once again. that they can lose even when they are dealt four aces.

The columnist Maggie Gallagher remarked that Rudy was making Bill Clinton look good. At least Bill never held a press conference to announce that he was dumping Hillary for another woman. (Not that he’d dare.)

Not to be outdone by my younger colleague, I’ll put it even more strongly: Rudy is making Bob Dole look good.

Some conservatives are racing to Rudy’s defense. After all, he hasn’t committed perjury and obstruction. He isn’t a criminal. He isn’t facing disbarment or even a possible prison term. And his bodily fluids aren’t being examined in some FBI lab.

No, Rudy isn’t a criminal. Just a rat. By today’s standards, that’s good enough – even for some conservatives. They are now echoing Bill Clinton’s supporters’ argument that what a man does in his private life has nothing to do with his performance in office.

After all, Rudy has been a winner! He’s a successful mayor! He has reduced New York’s crime rate! He’s a genuine tough guy! These are the Republican version of "It’s the economy, stupid!"

The Republicans assumed that Rudy would be able to whip Hillary, and they were content. Despite his pro-abortion, pro-homosexual, and otherwise liberal positions, he calls himself a conservative. And as Rush Limbaugh puts it, the chief threat to this country is "Clintonism." Anyone who can beat a Clinton – any Clinton – is conservative enough. Nothing else matters.

Now the truth is out. Rudy is a loser. Yes, he is tough – especially on his wife. But he has botched the Senate race so badly by now that neither he nor any Republican who may replace him is apt to win.

For the Republicans, there is one ray of hope:

Donna has canceled her scheduled appearance in The Vagina Monologues.