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Please read the following terms and conditions relating to your use of this site carefully. By using this site, you are deemed to have agreed to these terms and conditions of use. I reserve the right to modify them at any time. You should check these terms and conditions periodically for changes. At least once a day. If you're lazy, that is. Otherwise every three or four couple of hours, I'd say. Don't forget to set your alarm. Where were we? Oh yes: By using this site after I post any changes to these terms and conditions, you agree to accept those changes, whether or not you have reviewed them. If at any time you choose not to accept these terms and conditions of use, please do not use this site.
|TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF USE|
These terms and conditions do not apply to your use of unaffiliated sites to which this site only links. That might be because they're unaffiliated.
|SCOPE OF THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS|
I can't think of everything. I don't (necessarily) endorse, support, sanction, encourage, verify, or agree with the comments, opinions, or statements posted on bulletin boards, forums, or stories. Especially if they're yours. Any information or material placed online, including advice or opinions, are the views and responsibility of those who actually post the statements, and not mine. Really. It just doesn't work that way. And did she ever try.
Magnanimous as I am, I allow you to provide your content (including, without limitation, text and data) to the site in a number of forms (collectively, the "Content"). Users have a number of tools and rating mechanisms to determine the order in which Content is presented to them. I generally don't make editorial determinations about what Content is displayed on the sites for any particular reader. I permit others to make judgments about the Content you submit that may affect the display of that Content.
|USE OF MATERIAL SUBMITTED BY USERS|
You're responsible for the Content you submit and the consequences of any such submitted Content. Any use by you of any other user's information, personal or otherwise, for any commercial purpose or to obtain direct financial gain (e.g., mass marketing) is prohibited. Any such use shall be deemed to be a violation of these terms and conditions. The site is to be used by you for your personal use only. Commercial use is strictly prohibited unless prior written consent has been granted. You agree that you will not use the site for chain letters, junk mail, 'spamming,' solicitations (commercial or non-commercial), or bulk communications of any kind including but not limited to distribution lists to any person who has not given specific permission to be included in such a list. But if you're that sort of asshole you probably don't read terms and conditions agreements. In which case I can only promise that your life will be empty and without meaning.
You further agree not to use the site to send or post on message boards or any place on the site any message or material that is unlawful, libelous, or defamatory, or that encourages conduct that could constitute a criminal offense, give rise to civil liability, or otherwise violate any applicable local, state, national, or international law or regulation. I reserve the right to delete any such material from the site. I also reserve the right to delete things randomly, just to keep it all interesting. You agree not to provide any Content that (a) infringes any third-party intellectual property or publicity/privacy rights, (b) violates any applicable law or regulation, (c) is defamatory, obscene, child pornographic or harmful to minors, (d) contains any viruses, Trojan horses, worms, time bombs, cancelbots, or other computer programming routines that are intended to damage, detrimentally interfere with, purposefully intercept, or expropriate any system, data, or personal information, or (e) is otherwise tortious or criminal. If you please. Thank you.
You acknowledge that (i) I permit access to content that is protected by copyrights, trademarks, and other intellectual and proprietary rights ("Rights"); (ii) these Rights are valid and protected in all media and technologies existing now or later developed; and (iii) except as explicitly provided otherwise, these terms and conditions and applicable copyright, trademark, and other laws govern your use of such content. You may not post or submit to the site, copy, reproduce, retransmit, distribute, publish, commercially exploit, or otherwise transfer any material subject to any Rights. The burden of determining that any information, software, images, or any other content on the site is not protected by Rights rests with you. You acknowledge that I may acquire Rights to use any posted materials as described below, and that you will not acquire any of those Rights by downloading such materials.
You own the Content that you submit to Plastic. By submitting Content to any area of Plastic, you grant me a royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive right (including any moral rights), and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, communicate to the public, perform, and display such Content (in whole or in part) worldwide and/or to incorporate it in other works in any form, media, or technology now known or later developed, for the full term of any Rights that may exist in such Content. You also warrant that the holder of any Rights, including moral rights in such Content, has completely and effectively waived all such Rights and validly and irrevocably granted to you the right to grant the license stated above. You also permit any user to access, display, view, store, and reproduce such Content for personal use. Subject to the foregoing, the owner of such Content placed on the site retains any and all Rights that may exist in such Content.
Anything contained herein to the contrary notwithstanding, by submitting Content to any part of Plastic you hereby expressly permit me to identify you as the contributor of such Content in any publication in any form, media, or technology now known or later developed in connection with the Content, unless you otherwise notify me in writing at the time you submit the Content that you don't wish to be identified.
I thought we covered this, but these terms and conditions apply only to this site, and not to the sites of any other companies or organizations, including those to which Plastic may link. And as convenient as it might otherwise be, I'm not responsible for the availability of any other site to which Plastic links. Seriously. Also, I don't endorse or take responsibility for the contents, advertising, products, or other materials made available through any other site. Under no circumstances will I be held responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any loss or damage that is caused or alleged to have been caused to you in connection with your use of, or reliance on, any content, goods, or services available on any other site. You should direct any concerns to anyone but me - I've got enough problems as it is.
Plastic's content is protected by copyright and trademark laws. Unless I say otherwise, you may access the materials located within the Plastic only for your personal use. This means that you may download one copy of posted materials on a single computer for personal, noncommercial home use only, so long as you neither change nor delete any author attribution, trademark, legend, or copyright notice. You listening, bots? When you download copyrighted material, you do not obtain any ownership rights in that material.
|RESTRICTIONS ON USE OF MATERIALS|
You may not modify, copy, publish, display, transmit, adapt, or in any way exploit the content of the Site. Only if you obtain prior written consent from us - and from all other entities with an interest in the relevant intellectual property - may you publish, display, or commercially exploit any material from the Site.
I may terminate your use of Plastic immediately if (a) you breach this Agreement, (b) you repeatedly infringe upon the intellectual property rights of a third party, or (c) I'm unable to verify any registration information you provide. If you want to terminate your account, mail firstname.lastname@example.org. Following termination, at its sole option, I may remove some or all of your Content from the site or leave it available for public ridicule.
I may, at my discretion and under appropriate circumstances, terminate the access of users, subscribers and account holders who infringe the copyright of others.
If you believe that your copyright material is being used on Plastic without permission, please notify me by providing the information required by the Digital Millennium Copyright Act to:
You expressly agree that use of Plastic is at your sole risk. Plastic is provided on an "as is" and "as available" basis. Try not to suffocate yourself. I expressly disclaim warranties of any kind, express or implied, including without limitation any warranty of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, or non-infringement. I make no warranty that Plastic will meet your requirements, or that Plastic will be uninterrupted, timely, secure, or error-free; nor does Plastic make any warranty as to the results that may be obtained from the use of Plastic. I'm not be liable for any direct, consequential, or incidental damages, whether foreseeable or not, which may result from the unavailability or malfunction of Plastic. Sorry. And you? You understand and agree that any material and/or data downloaded or otherwise obtained through the use of Plastic is at your own discretion and risk and that you'll be solely responsible for any damage to your computer system or loss of data that results from the download of such material and/or data. So don't be stupid.
Fax: (415) 358-4038
Wait, there's more: You also understand and agree that I don't guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information on or provided in connection with Plastic - in fact, I almost certainly guarantee its inaccuracy, incompleteness, and unsuitability for any purpose, intended or unintended. I'm not responsible for any errors or omissions, or for the results obtained from the use of such information. The information is provided with the understanding that neither me nor you, when you're on Plastic, are engaged in rendering legal, medical, counseling, or other professional services or advice. So if you click on a Plastic link and nothing happens let me know, but otherwise you're encouraged to seek appropriate professional advice or care for any situation or problem which you may have. At least call your mom. Even if you don't have a problem, you should call her anyway.
Once again, I tell you, I come here to bury Caesar, not to praise him: I'm just not responsible. I'm not responsible for any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the information or ideas contained, suggested, or referenced on Plastic. Your participation in Plastic is solely at your own risk. No advice or information obtained by you from Plastic creates any warranty not expressly made herein. And not to drag this on and on, but I also make no warranty regarding any goods or services purchased or obtained through Plastic or any transactions entered into through Plastic - but please, do share any bad experiences with the rest of us, so at the very least we can all benefit from them. And I will do what I can; I just can't promise anything. Be careful out there. Finally, not only am I not responsible for the content you find on Plastic, I'm also not responsible for the content you find outside Plastic. Because they weren't really listening to me, they only pretended to. As a convenience to you, the user, Plastic provides links to resources which are beyond my control. I make no representations as to the quality, suitability, functionality, or legality of anything linked or referenced on Plastic, and you hereby waive any idiot claim you might have against me with respect to such off-site content. Thank you.
I'm not liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, or consequential damages resulting from the use or the inability to use Plastic, or for the cost of procurement of substitute goods and services or resulting from any goods or services purchased or obtained or messages received or transactions entered into through Plastic or resulting from unauthorized access to or alteration of your transmissions or data, including but not limited to, damages for loss of profits, use, data, or other intangibles, even if I've been advised of the possibility of such damages.
You agree to indemnify and hold me harmless from any claim or demand, including reasonable attorneys' fees, made by any third party due to or arising out of your use of Plastic, the violation of these terms and conditions by you, or the infringement by you, or any other subscriber of your account, of any intellectual property or other right of any person or entity.
All questions concerning the construction, interpretation, and validity of this Agreement shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the domestic laws of the State of California without giving effect to any choice or conflict of law provision or rule (whether in the State of California or any other Jurisdiction) that would cause the application of the laws of any jurisdiction other than the State of California.
These terms and conditions (and any addenda or statements expressly incorporated herein) constitute the entire agreement, and supersede the provisions of any other agreements or understandings (oral or written) between the parties with respect to the subject matter of such documents. In the event of any conflict between the terms of this Agreement and an addendum, the provisions of the addendum shall control.
You shall comply with all laws and regulations applicable to your access and use of Plastic and the publication of your Content. If any portion of these terms and conditions is deemed unenforceable, that portion shall be enforced to the maximum extent possible and the remaining portions of these terms and conditions shall be given full effect. My failure to act in a particular circumstance does not waive the ability to act with respect to that circumstance or similar circumstances. Please excuse me for any failure to perform to the extent that its performance is prevented by any reason outside of its control. No agency, partnership, joint venture, employment, or franchise relationship is intended or created by this Agreement. I may change, remove, or require registration or payment to continue use of any aspect of the site and service at any time without further notice to you.
Thanks. And yes, it's true. I have no more.