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Children Of Lesbians & Gay Parents

Are you a child of a gay or lesbian parent?

If your parents or parent is Gay or Lesbian and you want to get together with other children. You want to show your feelings with other kids, let them know what you are feeling, see how they are feeling because they have a Gay and Lesbian parent or parents. See if their friends know about their parents or parent.

Did you ever wonder what to say to people that ask dumb questions about your parent or parents? Well here are a couple of questions and answers.

Q. You have two moms? Where's your dad?

A. Well, when I was a baby we kept him in the freezer, but then my moms decided on a different donor for my brother, so we threw him out.

Q. Which one plays the mom and which one plays the dad?

A. That depends on which of my dads is wearing the dress today.

Fact and Figures

About kids with gay parents

Facts about kids with gay and lesbian parents

There are between 6-10 million daughters and sons of lesbian, gay and bisexual parents in the United States.

Daughters and sons of lesbian, gay and bisexual parents have the same incidence of heterosexuality as the general population.

Most "problems" that daughters and sons of lesbian, gay and bisexual parents are said to have actually stem from going through a divorce, and not our parents' sexual orientation.

There is no evidence that we face any more difficulties socializing in school than children of straight parents.

We are exposed to more people of the opposite sex than many kids of straight parents. Even when we are not, there is no evidence to suggest that it harms us.

We are more open-minded about a wide variety of things than people with straight parents.

Daughters of lesbians have higher self-esteem than daughters of straight women. Sons are more caring and less aggressive.

If we ourselves are lesbian, gay or bisexual, we are likely much better off than lesbian, gay and bisexual children of straight parents.

There is absolutely no evidence that having gay, lesbian or bisexual parents psychologically or physically harms children. There is plenty of evidence that we are not.

COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) is the only national organization for the daughters and sons of lesbian, gay and bisexual and transgender parents

(1 American Bar Association, 1987, 2 Patterson, Charlotte J. 1992, 3 see Wallerstein J.S. and Blakeslee S., 1989, 4 Golombok et al. 1983, Green, R., 1978, 1986, 5 Kirkpatrick, 1987, 6 Harris and Turner, 1985/86, 7 Hoeffer, 1981, 8 Rofes, E.E., 1983 Herdt, 1989, 9 Patterson, Charlotte J. 1992)

Gosh, we wouldn't be so foolhardy as to say what the Truth is about kids with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender parents. One fact we are sure of: the research is slim.

And another fact: the research has mostly been motivated by family law, which uses the measure of "the best interests of the child" when determining who gets custody of a child in a dispute. Researchers have therefore tried to answer the question, "is having a gay parent worse than having a straight parent on a child's mental health?" The answer is important in custody cases, because a judge's decision could hinge on it. Just to note: of the dozens of studies on kids with gay parents to date, none has shown any noticeable detriment to the child of gay parents. Unfortunately, kids are still being taken away from their parents, solely because their parent is lgbt.

But custody cases are not life: that is to say, research on kids with gay parents hasn't yet shown us the broader picture that we as folks with gay parents live in.

What kinds of long-term differences occur when you grow up in a family where the roles are not clearly delimited by gender?

What benefits, if any, do kids with gay parents get from growing up in, or having access to a supportive gay community?

How much of the experience of kids whose parent (s) come out when they are older (the vast majority), are based on that revelation, and how much on the change in the family structure (like a divorce)?

Do gay parents pass on useful skills for living in a homophobic society like parents of colour often pass on useful skills for living in a racist one?

What is the impact on kids who grow up in a gay community when they come out as straight (as most of them do) and no longer, ostensibly, "fit in"?

How has AIDS affected kids with gay dads?

How has breast cancer (which affects lesbians disproportionately) affected kids with lesbian moms?

What are the differences between kids raised in openly gay households versus kids whose parents come out later in life?

And why is there next to no research on kids with transgender or bisexual parents?

For these more in-depth questions, we have no "empirical" answers yet, but kids with gay parents are talking about them, thinking about them, and just living them everyday.

(The information in this article was taken from the C.O.L.A.G.E.'s (children of gays and lesbians everywhere) web page, the web address is , please visit this web page and see what COLAGE is all about.)

To the parents who read this article, please get your children involved and get them out and together with other children so that they can help themselves and others deal with having Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual parents.

I would like to get this group together to help our kids deal with the fact that their parents are Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual.

If your kids or you would like to give me a call or send me an e-mail, I will hold everything in strictest confidence. My phone number is 780-426-6311, my name is Garry Billett, and my e-mail address is

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