- Temper's Ball
- Guilds (OOC)

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Author You know that Server Downtime? Yeah, that was us. (ENeMA, duh...)
Stee Jans
Noblewoman

Posted: 2002-08-08 01:10     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
We guys and gals of ENeMA pride ourselves on being kind, merciful beings. We are full of compassion and boundless restraint, so that we never go over the line. We grow flowers in peaceful gardens of love, nurture healing in our boundless fields of happiness and develop tranquility in the forests of wonderment and joy. Ahh, what a life it is.

Actually, in reality we're all rather mean jerks. Sorry to burst your delusional bubble, and if you actually believed that preceding paragraph, you should check in at one of our local clinics for a 'treatment'.

But with the reality of mean jerks, comes a large responsibility. It means we have to deal with you overly crude, rude and vile buttweasals, and honestly, we're not benevolent enough to give a damn over the outcome. So long as out own asses are sitting pretty. That being said, let's get on with this shindig.

So you know that server downtime we had a couple days ago? The one that was caused by massive thunderstorms over the area of Virginia and PA? Yeah, well those 'thunderstorms' didn't exist, it was just your friendly local group of Butt Pirates that did the dirty deed. (And in the case of this being proved false, I am claiming that whoever claims it is false will be called a muttonhead. And in the case of Admin telling us otherwise, we're blaming the thread on Calis and his feminine wiles. Either that, or Ike and his goatly wiles.)

You're probably asking yourself: "Now why would those nice folks cause this nifty game to go down?"

Well, get your head out of your ass, Bob-I-spend-my-free-time-with-my-hands-in-my-pants Smith, we're not very nice, and the reason is pretty simple.

We're not adequately pleased with your shows of devotion recently.

I mean, honestly, you people should realize a grouping of gods (or monsters) when you see one, and you have to know that the only way to appease these gods are through sacrifice. If you don't get that, then you're a mutated imp of a monkey afflicted with some fucked-up mix of Turette's syndrome and ADD, pooping and flinging your poop at every nearby, but in reality only throwing it at one thing because you can't remember that goddamn far in the past. And we haven't seen shit sacrificed our way since Ike accidentally strangled that random goat during one of his sick 'roleplay' sessions. So since your collective mental acuity is roughly equitable to an obese man being hit repeatedly with a piece of sheet metal, we've decided to spell it out for you.

*ahem* Our demands:

1. Virgins. Lots of them. This is a basic damn rule, and I'm surprised that you herpes-ridden vermin didn't pick up on that sooner. We're gods. We need virgins. Preferably in time for Friday-Saturday, Ike gets especially cracky then and we're running low on farm animals (That, and Sunny is fed up with dressing up for him in a fake pair of hooves and udders). So get crackin' on rounding up all virgins in the area and sending them our way.

2. Goats. I think that I've hit the key points for why we need these in abundance. But to elaborate, they like rough sex (perfect for some of our members), they taste pretty good as BBQ and they provide a cheap alternative of fuel. (I love burnin' goats.)

3. Erect shrines. All of you that just giggled over the word "Erect", report to either the Virgin line, or prepare to be shot, you sickos. Though, ironically, we as a whole prefer our shrines to be both phallic and shiny. Also build smaller scaled-down versions. Ike loves them for some unknown reason. *gags*

4. Copies of Creed's Hit Album "Human Clay". Hell, I don't even know why this is on the list, Khal just seemed so damn insistent, and could you say no to a face like that? That's what I thought. So chop-chop.

5. Scott Stapp blow-up dolls. See #4. *shudders*

6. Petroleum jelly. Lots of it. You'd be surprised how much we go through daily. Actually, no you wouldn't. I think everyone knows that Sunny is in the guild.

7. Personal effects of Blacklock or any other member of AoA. God they're dreamy.

Now, if you do not comply with this and continue whining with such absurd notions such as "But Stee, this is just a game.", "But Stee, you're not really gods.", "Whoever you are, get out of my house, or I'm calling the cops." and "Can I get a goat of my own." (God you're sick, Calis), then we will be forced to continue punitive action such as:

1. More server downtime. We know how much you hate that.

2. Naked Icons of "A Team" members. I swear, don't push us, we're serious.

3. Postings of Ike's Xena fanfics, it'll redefine your concept of "bondage".

4. We will sponsor Richard Simmons as a member and have him spam you all with dietary reminders and weight loss tips.

5. In case of #4 failing, we will resort to Martha Stewart. Do you really want your gourds more festive for the holiday season. And yes, you can read into that as much as you bloody well want.

6. In case you survive Stewart, we'll unleash Fireslash, at his full power and potential. Fear the future, punks, if you cross us.

7. As a last resort, we may actually hit you ingame. Yes, that's right, all of you. You best start building those forts and fluffing those scum, 'cause we're badasses, yo.

You have a week to comply with these demands, if you can't, god help you.

[Edit: If you think you can go above us, there is no authority higher. In fact, Decae is an alt of mine. I swear. Really. No, I'm entirely serious. What? Take that back, bitch! I don't need none of your guf- I meant shit! I meant shit!!!!- *beatings can be heard* Dammit.]

ENeMA - The Show Must Go On.
There must be some mistake, I didn't mean
To let them take away my soul, am I too old?
Is it too late?


[ This Message was edited by: Stee Jans on 2002-08-08 01:12 ]


Cabalos
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 01:25     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
You big meanies! I don't have any of that to offer...but i don't want downtimes either...and actually, i'm just here to say thanks. Enema's a bunch of nice fellows, especially that Ike character ;) So keep up the good work, foret loves all the good lil dardens with big piggy banks.

and really, all i really fear is if you threaten to unleash Dauthi and his 200+ Isonians on me, then i might take you guys seriously ;PP


Cabalos - More Than Meets the Eye
Beware of magic seeds....
Forever Lost...

[ This Message was edited by: Cabalos on 2002-08-08 01:45 ]


Calis
Venrii

Posted: 2002-08-08 01:32     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
I don't even know how to reply to this.

Except, I giggled at #3 like you knew I would, and I wondered where I could get my own goat.

You are incredible, Stee.


from Pointy Sticks to ISA
LightG|MDark
Leif's so steamy my monitor blew
Liara's Husband, everyones whore


DemaM
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 01:42     Profile;   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Yes... I do love gods with large treasuries, and big ego�s� For now, I will bow to your will, mainly because I enjoy this sort of entertainment.

The virgins� Well� I can�t say they�ll all be virgins by the time they get to you� but pretty near close� Most of them anyways� Who knows� they might like all the goats I�m bringing�

What about the Goats� do they have to be virgin goats� or do you mind goats with herpes? Err� hehe� nm� My goats don�t have herpes�




All in the name of the Lost
LKA
Dema Makhan

AGM of Diplomacy


Ugly Humanslasher
Tiram

Posted: 2002-08-08 01:57     Profile;   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Stee, We no have any that... We too small.. You have Leonitis though, he close enough *shudders* BWA HA HA HA!!!


Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. - David Moulton

AGM of Legion of Steel,
Outstanding or stand out member of Ronin,
Reviver of Tang


Ike
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 02:43     Profile;   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Oh, you are so dead, Cab.


ENeMA SoCK LOSERFATS Progeny
It's better to be in ENeMA than for ENeMA to be in you.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't screw with people who throw stones.


Cabalos
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 03:30     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Huh, what did i do? ;) I simply am giving thanks for such a great group of players being around. You guys are truly one of my favorite heathen guilds (though that prolly don't mean shit to ya ;P). Keep up the fun.

but really ike, 64 shakes..now now, lol.


Cabalos - "I'm not a crook."
Back home...
Beware of magic seeds....
Forever Lost...


Sabinus
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 03:43     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Since I'm in ENeMa and therefor a god I'd like to add a little demand of my own:

8. A signed picture of Robert Goulet.

Heh, and people dare say we're difficult.

~sips tea~

Fer crying out loud, I said cinnamon with a twist of lemon, mom. ~ mumbles ~ Do I have to do -everything- myself?



~HP forever~
...we provide the soap and water...
ENeMA GM


[ This Message was edited by: Sabinus on 2002-08-08 17:28 ]


Scorpio
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 04:15     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
I just wish to emphasize the "Virgins" request. I alone go through a few of them daily, so keep 'em coming dammit!! (definitely no pun intended)

Oh, and I want them alive, people, alive!! They're of no use to me with their hearts ripped out of their chest. Remember: chest must be intact.


ENeMA GM
I am the new way to go
I am the way of the future...

~HP Forever~


DemaM
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 04:17     Profile;   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
*sends scorpio 50 Male Virgins, all over the age of 60*

I hope Scorpio likes oldermen... hehe



All in the name of the Lost
LKA
Dema Makhan

AGM of Diplomacy


Scorpio
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 04:28     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
::Returns DemaM's virgins, in original packing, with a note::

Shipment stale and of wrong model. Resupply order immediately with correct model and ensure fresh product. Please keep in mind that server integrity will be compromised, should order not be filled correctly. Thank you for your attention.


ENeMA GM
I am the new way to go
I am the way of the future...

~HP Forever~


Portia
Tiram

Posted: 2002-08-08 10:22     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Marches in wearing a tight pink business skirt/suit, hair in a tight French twist and thin wire frame glasses. Produces a pink clipboard and clears her throat.

Ahem. Excuse me? Goddess over here, need all those beady little eyes on me, that's right. You! Stop undressing me with those eyes or I�ll put them out myself. Ok...

This whole virgin thing, that�s for the boys. The ladies have a few other ideas, and as we are the ones who control the boys' doses, I recommend you listen up and listen well.

Oh Pulls out a box of Q-tips Yes, if you unwashed plebeians could all swab out your ears that would be lovely... um, Cabalos why don't you take a few extra sweetie, winks yeah thanks.

Ok, now the demands of the Goddesses:

1. Well-oiled, hot, sexy non-virgins - We are going to be a little more specific than the guys on this one. We want good looking, employed, well oiled, hard-bodied, and endowed, men between the ages of 21 and 31. I realize that these criteria rule out most of you, but there is a reason for that...

2. Sports Cars- Yep, we need wheels people. Our old cars just will not do it anymore; they smell like Ike for our sake! Think: zippy, cute, and new. All parts are expected to be in the right place and in proper working order. These better run or the game don't... got it?

3. Novelty Ice Cube Trays - We have a lot of lounging in the sun on our agenda and require amusement. Novelty Ice Cubes amuse us.

4. Pet Odor Remover - As mentioned, Ike hangs around us a lot.

5. All the original members of "Twin Peaks"- I want to see each episode preformed live for my amusement. (See #3, we need amusement) And I don�t care if some of them have died�just make it happen, ok?

Looks over clipboard, mumbles about livestock and looks up with a smile.

Oh yes, I almost forgot...

6. Weekly Devotional Affirmations - Make it public folks. Smile, you love us. Tell the world. Unless you want to see us get really mean.

That should so it for the first installment. Who has the Q-tips? Never-mind, you guys obviously need them more than we Goddesses do.

Very well, carry on and begin gathering and worshiping.




Portia
Sunblade is my favorite pet!
GM ENeMA- Oh what a feeling!




[ This Message was edited by: Portia on 2002-08-08 10:24 ]


SoulDemon
Admin

Posted: 2002-08-08 10:34     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
This is true.


Pale night whisper - break.
Bright hopeful dreams - destroy.
Withered flesh remains - consume.


Geothe
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 11:47     Profile;   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
*thwaps Cab* Ya Twit!

Stee, I aint given none of ya's any of that stuff. Already gave 3 or 4 of you a gift last week and never even got a visit back to repay my kindness (ok, so I went on vacation a day later, minor detail :-P)

Portia, *bops again*
"#3 Novelty Ice Cube Trays"
You had to bring that up again, just as I managed to forget it... Damn You!!!!


Fervent ALWAYS
Yes, we are that damn good!
ISA ...... I feel SOOO Dirty!!
Venus, the Embodiment of Human Perfection!


Sunblade
Venrii

Posted: 2002-08-08 15:24     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
As a further "incentive" to meet our demands, tonight I will hack into the server with my m4D h4X0R 5k1LlZ and replace the normal black background for your main kingdom screens with a nice, pink one. Perhaps floral.

If this is not incentive enough, in one week's time it will be replaced with a picture of Ike's ass. And I'm not talking donkeys here.


SunBlade
The E-Team - ENeMA GM
That's why it's called English, Brighty Darling.


Portia
Tiram

Posted: 2002-08-08 15:41     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Oh great, now my sexy-lawyer-goddess hair is mussed. That's it Geothe, one morning you are gonna wake up spooning Fireslash... I have the means, the drugs to make it happen and now... the drive.

Fixes hair


Portia
I own Connor, no matter what he says
ENeMA's Token Sexy Redhead GM


Dyvim
Tiram

Posted: 2002-08-08 17:29     Profile;   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Pink would be nice...that black is so drab these days it really is!
I say we all hold out for the pink and see how that goes for sure!
*smiles demurely and walks off to demote Vasili*
(-:


Shockingly enough, no I don't care about your worthless little life!


PrncssDrake
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-08 19:46     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Virgins huh... as for female virgins.. I know two... hopefully that'll fill quota.

As for Male non-virgins, I know TONS! Hell, it's too many to bring to you so how bout I round them up and you can fly up and take your pick?


Welcome to Drake's Male Cattle Ranch
[pink]
I'm open and ready for business.

Lady Drake




Warriors of Immortal Temptation
Dyvim says I'm beautiful b/c I'm on tap ;o)
"Man I feel Dirty!"


Stee Jans
Venrii

Posted: 2002-08-08 23:47     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
You people call this suitable response to gods???

Are you on crack, or just stupid?

*sigh* Sunny, Portia, Sabby, Ike(though the ass has yet to post), time for the heavy machinery.

I don't like Scorpio, so he's not included. :P


ENeMA GM
The Warhawk is Sharpening his Talons.


Cabalos
Ominar

Posted: 2002-08-09 00:03     Profile;   E-mail   Homepage Edit   Reply w/Quote
Stee's another great member of enema, almost rivalling Ike for me :) Foret loves all the little dardens. Foret loves all the little dardens, hey!


Cabalos - "I'm not a crook."
Back home...
Beware of magic seeds....
Forever Lost...


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