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Thursday, October 17, 2002

Herc’s Seen ENTERPRISE 2.5!!

Enterprise 2.5 FAQ

What’s it called?

“A Night in Sickbay.”

Who’s responsible?

Teleplay is credited to Rick Berman and Brannon Braga (“Shockwave”).

Herc’s back to reviewing “Enterprise”? Why the long hiatus?

Blame it on settling into the new TV season and other distractions. (We haven’t been reporting on the show, but we have been watching.)

What does Herc think of the second season so far?

No terrible episodes, and the series demonstrated with 2.2 (“Carbon Creek,” aka “Vulcan ‘57”) that the show can still knock one out of the park given half a chance.

What does TV Guide say?

“Archer is fuming after the Kreetassans refuse to part with parts for Enterprise because of a diplomatic gaffe involving his dog, Porthos, which then falls ill with a mysterious disorder. But Dr. Phlox thinks there's more to Archer's rants than meets the ear.”

Do I remember something about this being the episode featuring the return of the “Black Hole Sun” smile.

Yes.

The Kreetasans. We’ve seen them before?

They’re the easily offended aliens we encountered in season one. They’re offended again.

Does someone eat in front of the Kreetasans?

No. Porthos does something to one of their sacred Alvera trees.

Does Porthos pee on the sacred tree?

Like it’s on fire.

What’s this about Phlox thinking there’s more to Archer’s rants?

Phlox thinks Archer is secretly all hot for T’Pol.

Ha-what? Is Phlox right??

Well, of course. Who isn’t hot for T’Pol? Check out supposedly hetero Hoshi’s half-smiles and stolen glances as, in the teaser, the half-naked ensign slathers decon gel on her sinewy Vulcan superior.

The big news?

Archer has dirty dreams about T’Pol. Dirty dirty dreams. Involving decon gel and a large umbrella.

What else isn’t TV Guide telling us?

Archer gets to know Phlox a lot better when he stays the night in sickbay to keep an eye on ailing Porthos.

Does Archer acknowledge his feelings for T’Pol?

Not at first.

Does Archer act on his feelings for T’Pol?

That would be telling. We can say, however, that Phlox has advice on the matter.

Any sign of FutureGuy?

No.

Andorians?

No.

Is “A Night in Sickbay” better than the season's other big bonding episode, “Minefield”?

Decidedly.

What’s good?

The scads of sexual tension in general, and the decon-chamber action with T’Pol and Hoshi in particular. Archer’s erotic dreams. And we learn how Porthos got his name.

What’s not so good?

We’re treading water a bit. Mixed-gender decon. Comically offended aliens. Fantasy sequences involving T’Pol. Been seen done. Also? A lot of the “Odd Couple” stuff is a little awkward and off-putting, with too many comic misfires. Why do the Kreetassans know about chainsaws?

“Odd Couple”? Who’s Felix and who’s Oscar?

Like their names don’t give it away? Archer is the grumpy one; Phlox is the one with the disturbing personal habits. Make the call.

How does it end, spoiler-boy?

Phlox gives Archer the smile.

Herc’s rating for “Enterprise” 2.5?

***

The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:

  • ***** better than we deserve
  • **** better than most motion pictures
  • *** actually worth your valuable time
  • ** as horrible as most stuff on TV
  • * makes you quietly pray for bulletins

8 p.m. Wednesday. UPN.

I am – Hercules!!





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