cook's diary

carrots:  some days are rather crunchy.  you can sink your teeth into them.

eggs:  some days i feel fragile.

lemon:  some days just plain suck.

garlic:  some days stink but are good for you.

apple:  some days are sweet and just plain fine.

peapods:  some days are fresh starts, full of possibility

tea bag:  things are brewing

spring equinox 2001

hope? check. there is some. thank god.

i figure it's a good sign if i'm able to find a morsel of hope inside of me on the first day of spring.

last year i wrote about how innocent my inner garden felt, how ripe i was to grow new things in my life.

so, on this equinox, i take out my spade and head into the garden to take stock. this is what i see:

what was planted inside took root, and i'm different now -- filled with a different kind of hope.

in some ways i'm stronger, steadier. i feel balanced, supported, loved.

i also feel more humble now -- humbled by this hard year of surrendering dreams and expectations, moving on, and carrying on. my love has humbled me, too. i'm so wretched sometimes, so imperfect, but still his love floods me.

i see how i've grown around some of my wounds. that's encouraging.

i also notice that i'm not relying on the "future" as much. in giving up some dreams, i'm focusing more on what's here now and trusting that careful tending will reap wonders i can't even imagine now.

just as this year has.

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© 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001 Cathy Young