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Relationship Questions
So you want to interact with other people... scary. It's okay though, folks, I'm here to help. I can't let my faithful cyber-followers go around with no direction or support in this oh-so-scary time.
Dear Spacefem,
I'm don't usually fall in love. You should know that I'm not one of those
girls who are constantly looking for a boyfriend, but there's a particular man that I'm interested in. I'm only 16, and my
love interest is 21. We've discussed it, and we really want to give it a try.
He'd like to meet my parents, and I'd love it if they met him. Here's my
problem...if my father found out that he was 5 years older than me, I'd end up
losing this person in my life, along with my father's trust. I wish that my
parents could get to know and love him regardless of his age. I just wish there
was a way to do that, but I can't bring myself to say, "Mom and Dad, I'm falling
for a 21-year-old."
Heh, You're so screwed. But okay... as an
advice columnist I shouldn't say that. I always recommend being honest. Maybe
try to downplay the relationship a bit, that might help. Like, don't say "Mom
and Dad... I'm TOTALLY IN LOVE with this 21 year old and I'd do anything for
him!". Try to be mature and calm and tell them about his wonderful qualities and
stress the fact that he's respectful and honest and wants to obey their rules.
Tell them you are open to their opinions on the matter. If they won't let you
go see him, ask if he can come over. It's all about compromise.
Hopefully
they'll value your maturity and honesty, and they'll be glad that you came to
them and you'll win some points that way. I just know that if I'd told my
parents something like this they would have killed me.
Dear Spacefem,
I know this sounds really stupid but my boyfriend hasnt been flirting with me as much as usual. Does he not like me as much?Also is there any way i can get him to kiss me? cuz it hasnt happened yet and we've been dating for about 5 months now.
Seriously... kiss him! You shouldn't have to wait five months for this sort of thing, just get him alone and go for it, don't worry about being smooth.
And if you're worried about him not liking you, please tell him. If you can't be honest about that, he's not worth being with.
Dear Spacefem,
My boyfriend and I have been going out off and on for about four months. We were really happy and I really love him a lot but then lately he has been getting really ignorant and has been ignoring and neglecting me around his friends to the point where he left me and went over to my best friend to flirt with her! I really love him and I think he would change but do you think I shouldn't wait for him to change and dump him or give him another chance?
You should definately talk to him. It's not right to break up with someone unless they know why, and it's even more not right to stay with someone who doesn't know exactly how you feel. Don't think about how you feel, think about how he's treating you, it sounds like it's not good. I'd dump him.
Dear Spacefem,
I'm a 21 year old college student. This girl is 18 years old and still in high
school. I haven't even seen her for 3 years but for some reason it seems that
she is still very interested in me. I just want to be friends. I think it is
cool to hang out with her but I do not want to give her a wrongful impression of
our relationship. Furthermore, I think that she has a low self-esteem and
really could use a good friend. Can I be just a friend or would the consquence
probably be more harmful?
You can be a friend, there's nothing wrong with that. In my opinion she's too young for you anyway, the high school/college gap makes that a pretty firm opinion. Hang out, talk, and keep your head and be honest if she gets weird about it.
Dear Spacefem,
I'm thinking about getting into a relationship with a friend that I met in the
fall 02 semester. We have been talking over the phone almost everyday. She
planned to visit me at the end of the semester. Since she couldn't stay over my
house, she's currently spending the week at her friends house. We planned to go
out and do something on New Years. Prior to New Years, she went out with her
friends till 8 am on New Years day. I was going to pick her up, but she called
and told me that she was tired and I pick her later that day. She called me
later and told me to kick it some other time. I was really pissed and tried to
play it cool. She tried to call me after that but I refused to pick up. I just
want to know what is going on with me. Am I being insecure or immature? Am I
not ready to have a relationship?
I don't think she's ready to have a relationship. You've put up with her, but she can't seem to pull it together to treat you with courtesy.
She might also be afraid of getting into a relationship and unable to admit this to you for fear of hurting your feelings, but that's an issue she'll have to work out on her own. Next time she calls, pick up the phone, but be busy... it'll make her think twice about how valuable you are. m'kay?
Dear Spacefem,
I have noticed that your general advice when someone has an unsolvable qualm in their realationship is 'dump them!' (said with a bit more compassion of course)! Well, I kinda agree. I have just realised that for a long time I have been trying to get my guy to be something he is not - something i would like more! He dosn't exactly treat me that well and is often very annoying.I have fallen out of love with him. I want to dump him. But he won't let me end it! Many times in the past when he has been a total arse and I have wanted a break he has refused and I think that the only reason we have not broken up before is because he makes it so difficult! 1. He flatly refuses to break up+ 2. He does the classic be really really nice for like a couple of days after the break up possibility to build me up again and then goes back to being nasty. So how can I dump him in a way that might mean we might still be able to be friends afterwards!? Aaaaagghh, help!
He can't refuse to break up, that's like refusing to be hit by a car. It happens no matter how hard you stand against it. If I were you I'd just be like, "We're DONE" and then stop all relationship-like behavior afterwards. Don't talk to him for like a week. Maybe don't even offer to be friends with him, just be like, "Sorry, even that's too much, I'm doing my own thing now." Lock your doors and windows, spend the afternoon at the really far away shopping mall... eventually he'll have to get the hint. Or a restraining order. Let's hope for hint.
Dear Spacefem,
I've had a huge crush on this guy for about a year
now, and everyone says we're perfect for each other. He's older than me, but
only by a year. The only problem is he's my best
friends brother. She's ok with me liking him, but I'm
afraid he only sees me as his baby sisters little
friend. He's also really shy, so if he's interested
he won't ask me out. Should I ask him out? I don't
know if I should takee the risk.
Go for it. Honestly, what have you got to lose? If he's mature and worthy of dating, um, any female, he'll realize that you're not just another little sister, that you have your own unique attractive qualities. It won't seem hard at all after you get started, just catch him alone sometime, start a conversation, and stop it in the middle to say, "I think you're so cool. We should go out." And that's that. If he's as shy as you say he is, he'll be too gutless to say no anyway, men are like puddy.
Dear Spacefem,
I give you much applause for being a feminist while still not writing off ALL guys. It's impressive that your boyfriend supports women's rights--was he always that way, or did you convert him? Are there many men who are also supportive out there?
My boyfriend isn't what I'd call a feminist, he's not really an anything-ist, he just doesn't like shaking people up. But he does understand my crusade for women's rights. A guy who didn't like feminists would never go out with me in the first place, so it's not like I've had to cross potentials off the list for their ancient attitudes.
Dear Spacefem,
I am 18 years old and have little experience with relationships--I have only been in one, which was also long-distance and has since ended. The relationship, when we were able to get together (we live several states away and met at camp), consisted mostly of playing frisbee and egyptian ratscrew, climbing trees and wandering through parks, and talking for many hours at a time...at the expense of sleep. Those sort of random things. So I don't really know how conventional relationships work, which is quite a hindrance when I start having crushes on people who are nearby.
Lately I developed a liking towards a guy friend in my dorm. Every time it was just the two of us together, or just the two of us and perhaps one other close friend, he would act very solicitous towards me--he would do small things such as put his arm around my shoulder, hold my books for me, etc. I have also had many wonderful conversations with him in his room and elsewhere. So I was hopeful until this week, when I found out that he has asked another girl to a date event and has feelings towards her. Now I wonder if he felt something towards me but was discouraged by my inaptitude in flirting--I have difficulty playing that whole game of hinting and whatnot. It's a foreign language to me.
This whole situation is bothering me, and the bottled emotion feels suffocated. Would it be better to tell him how I feel, or would this be a foolish, useless thing to do at this point? Should I simply be happy with our platonic friendship?
Well, there's not a whole lot you can do except be your cool self and hope he notices. Don't worry if you're not experienced in the flirting department, he probably doesn't even notice. Just smile a lot.
If you feel gutsy, ask him how his date went. If he's all, "Totally awesome, I'm in love!" then you'll have to just sit back and be a friend. If he's all, "Eh, okay." then just sort of lean back and say something like, "Well then when am I going to get to go out with you?" and see what he says. As in most situations, the worst that can happen isn't all that bad.
Dear Spacefem,
I have been dating a girl on and off for two years. She has
always been affectionate. About a week ago her "best friend" (ex-boyfriend
who I do not like) came in town. He blew into town
one night, asked her to come to the hotel and talk, and made a move on her.
He came in town again and wanted to have lunch. She says she did not go
with him but she has acted very stand-offish or cold ever since. Am I
reading too much into this or should I dig deeper?
It's very possible that you are reading too much into this. But that's not
relevant because as long as you're uncomfortable, you should talk about it.
So bring it up. Sit down someplace and let her know that you really don't
mind getting into it, you just want to know what's on her mind. Ask her
how she feels about this guy. How she felt. How she will feel. A lot of
women feel bad talking about ex-boyfriends because it's generally frowned
upon (and for good reasons) but if you've been dating her for almost two
years she should be able to talk about anything and you should be able to
listen to anything. I think if you have problems communicating, that's
when there's really a relationship issue.
See if you can't get her to open up, it sounds like that's what she needs.
Let her know that you're not going to get mad or hurt by what she says,
just have a nice long discussion about life and see where it takes you.
Dear Spacefem,
I had thoughts about cheating on my boyfriend of a year, but decided
against
it. I told him the truth and he was hurt, but he said he'd stay with me, he
insists he wants things to go back to normal, but he keeps saying things
that make me feel worthless and unloved, what should i do?
I think he's in denial and he's trying to pull you into it too. There must
be a reason you thought about cheating on him. When he says things that
make you feel unloved, I think it's because he has no damn clue that you're
a person anymore, he just sees you as a girlfriend and your emotions don't
matter because they'd conflict with his "stable relationship" dilusions.
It'll be hard, but I think you should leave him, even if only for a month.
I'm about willing to bet money that after you're away from him, you won't
go back or have any regrets about it, that's usually how relationships are.
People are resistant to change but feel good about it after the fact. I'm
not saying you'll feel spectacular, you won't, it'll be hard, but it's
better that you get this over with now because he's really not the guy for
you. It only gets harder the longer you stay with him. Be brave, I know
you can do it.
Dear Spacefem,
My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 3 months and Christmas is
coming up and i dont know what to get him. So my question is what should I get
him?
It depends on a lot of things... namely your price range and what he's in to. Personally, if I can't be creative I like giving CDs. You can't go wrong with the gift of music, yes? If I can't do that, I like going to electronics stores for inspiration... I mean, I've never gotten a gift from Radio Shack that I didn't like, and I can't imagine anyone saying anything differently.
Oh, and two years ago my best friend bought me one of those little zen rock gardens, with the sand and the rakes and stuff? It looked like a waste of space but when I set it up it was amazingly theraputic.
Dear Spacefem,
I currently have a boyfriend, but i think that i am still in love with my
ex-boyfriend. I don't know who I love more, but i can tell you that my current
boyfriend is really sweet, and my ex-boyfriend is really stupid, but his
stupidity is kind of attractive.Who do I choose?
Well, normally when someone thinks they're in love with someone who's not their boyfriend, I tell them to break up with the boyfriend and try it. But since you're in love with an ex-boyfriend, I'm going to tell you to break up with your boyfriend and just stop dating for like two months and see what happens. See if you can do it. Trust me, it's for the best.
Dear Spacefem,
I have a thing for my older brothers friend. Hes 20 and im
only 15, do you think thats a big diffrence? He seems to have some kind of
intrest in me so whats your advice?
Yes, I think he's way too old. Sorry to say it, but it's true. In my opinion,
you shouldn't date anyone more than 20% older than you, and three years must be
added for different life stages... here's the forumula...
His age: 20
Your age: 15
Difference: 5 years
Add on 3 years because you're in high school and he's not: 8 years
Divide difference by your age, 8/15, and get 53% which is WAY greater than 20%
so yes, he's too old. Isn't math beautiful? Yay!
Dear Spacefem,
I am madly in love with two guys...they're like my best friends since I
moved...and well i wanted to know how to get them to like me...my friends mom
told me to ignore them...my sis bf told me to talk to them more...im so
comfused...what do i do???
If they're like your best friends, it sounds like they already like you. What
do you want, make-out partners? Why? Boyfriends are generally retarded and I'm
just going to keep telling girls that; if a guy likes you it should be because
you just acted like yourself and were cool, not because you tried to get him. A
guy you had to work to get is one you'll get really tired of, fast.
Dear Spacefem,
I really like this guy, and he is really hot. But I am one of those ugly
girls, who can't get a boyfriend. I am really shy. Please help.
Before you focus on whether or not you're ugly, you need to think about why you
like this guy and what you want in a boyfriend. If you've got that whole "I'm
ugly, he's hot" mindset and that's all you think about, you're just plain not
ready for a boyfriend. Relationships don't start or continue because of looks.
If you're worried that he'll think you're ugly, he's obviously not the guy for
you. The right guy makes you feel comfortable no matter what you look like, you
should be able to wear sweats and have him say you're beautiful. Also, you
shouldn't like a guy just because he's hot. Do you expect him to like you just
because you're hot? I didn't think so. You should definately get to know
someone before you ask him out. If you really think he's interesting, try to
hang out with him and his friends more, work your way into the group, talk to
him. You might find he's not the kind of person you want at all, once you get
under the surface. Then, find some beauty in yourself so you don't think you're
ugly. Would you want to go out with someone ugly? Or even someone who thought
they were ugly? Everyone in this world looks different, I promise once you start
thinking positively about who you are and what you have to offer, you'll realize
you're not so ugly after all.
Dear Spacefem,
There's this guy who totally likes me but I think he smokes and I already broke up with this one guy because he smoked but I feel like I can't turn him down just for this.
Feel bad about what? Personally, I don't think you should date either of them. Smokers are gross, I don't personally hate them
or anything but I wouldn't date one. No way. You can refuse a date for whatever reason you want. It's your choice, that's the
beauty of dating. Don't like his hair color? Don't like the fact that he's a Jerry Springer fan? Say no and feel okay about it.
Dear Spacefem,
My boyfriend kissed another girl. He felt awful, and said he'd never do it
again, begged for my forgiveness and all that. I took him back, but even after
two months I still don't feel like I can trust him, even though I don't feel
like he's doing anything. Should I definately move on? How?
No one can tell you how to get
over an issue or "deal with it," your subconscious has to deal with that on its
own. Just outline the situation: are your feelings rational at all? Is there
any logic to your fear? Maybe your gut instinct is trying to tell you something
and you need to act on it. Once you've analyzed all your situations and have
made a decision (I'm right, I can't trust him or I'm wrong, he's great) you have
to go with it and don't look back. Eventually all those subtle feelings you hate
will go away, you just have to be strong enough to fight them off.
Dear Spacefem,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 months, and we are very much
in love. When we first started dating, he would constantly tell me how
much he loved me, how beautiful, wonderful, and intelligent he thought I
was, how lucky he thought he was to know me, but lately, he hasn't been
saying things like that anymore...I've asked him if he's sick of me and he
says he isn't, and I know that he loves me, but it just doesn't seem like
he does sometimes. I can't break up with him; I love him too much. What
should I do?
I'd break up with him. Trust me, I've never regretted a break up, it's the same with everyone, we're totally afraid to do it but once it's done we wish we'd done it earlier. And any time a sentence starts with, "I love him, but..." it's going to be an excellent sign that it's time to end things. Trust me on this one.
Dear Spacefem,
I realize I am a dumb male, but I am trying to do the best I can wth it.
There is a girl I like, but due to several things, I can't ask her out or
tell her how I feel for a while. That bugs me, but it's not what I'm
writing about. We're getting to be pretty good close friends (which I feel
is better for the long run anyway), and she's really cool. She's also big
into feminism. I've always sort of considered myself a feminist, but never
really thought about it too much. So now I'm wondering if I really am
becoming more of a feminist due to her influence, or if I'm just sort of
wearing it on my sleeve so she'll like me more. I don't like to do things
half-heartedly, I feel it would be unfair to myself and to feminism in
general. So am I really a feminist?
I don't think it matters that much for now. Do you see anything wrong with feminism? Do you disagree with any of her thoughts? You can be a feminist without thinking that it's the most important issue in the world. I'd just keep hanging out with her, because she sounds cool, and don't worry too much about why you feel the way you do. There are worse things you can change about yourself, you know?
Dear Spacefem,
Well my trouble is that my boyfriend left a few
weeks ago. He left for college and hes 8 states away from me. I love him with
all my heart, but my friends do not like him and are trying to hook me up with
so many different people and im thinking I should to get back at him, he hasn't
written or called since he left so I don't know what to do.
Honey, college kills every relationship. I'm sorry to say it, but I've seen
it happen every single time, so you need to let him go. When you start
college, you'll be glad you did, because guys are everywhere in college and
it's a million times more fun to be single when you're there than it is to be
dragging around some old boyfriend. Let your friends hook you up, spend time
by yourself, whatever... just let your brain rule your heart on this one and
forget about him.
Dear Spacefem,
My fiance and I are getting married soon, but my mom is against it and being a total ass
about it. How do i get her to see that he is the most
amazing guy in the world?
First off, make sure he is the most amazing man in the world, those are hard to find. What exactly does she hate about him? Does he treat you well? Does he want what's best for you? Or does she just hate him because he doesn't make enough money or can't clean his fingernails?
Then give up. You can't change people, and you can definatly never change mothers. It's a pain to live with something like that but there comes a time in every woman's life for her to just turn around and do what she wants because mom does not always know best. When you were little your mom did things that you didn't understand and they may or may not have been right, but that's how the pecking order goes and your mom had the right to do those things. Now you have the same right. Just stick up for yourself, know in your own head that what you're doing is the right thing, and do it. Try to be civil and don't get her to hate you (don't call her a bitch, I mean), but do what you want. You'll survive, we all do.
Dear Spacefem,
I found this guy who really loved me and stood for women's rights (YAHOO!).
But all of the sudden, my best friend takes him over! She truly is a lot more
beautiful than me and I never thought that she could do this to me. I don't
know if I should stop being friends with her or to try to explain to her that
he was MINE. This has already happened to me before, with a different guy! I'm pissed!
As well you should be! If it really bugs you, you're allowed to say something small to her like, "Stop stealing my men!". But don't let guys come between you and someone who's been your friend for a while. They might seem cool but they're jerks if they'll try to screw stuff up between you two. Be tough, know inside that you're really cool and a truly good guy will be immune to any other girl's attempts to take him from you. You don't need them!
Dear Spacefem,
I was dating my boyfriend for four
months, and we were pretty damn serious. his friend got rather sick and had a
heart transplant, so he went to stay with her in oregon, and we live in
michigan. Recently, I was talking online to him, and he told me that she kissed
him and he wasn't sure what he was feeling. when I got upset and told him to fuck
off, he told me I was overreacting. he wants to come home to live with me. how
do I handle this situation? I'm the kinda person who is easily made to feel
guilty...and I need to move on. help, spacefem!
I'd tell him to fuck off again! I hate it when people tell women they're just "overreacting" and have no right to feel mad about a situation, I'd punch a guy in the face for kissing another girl and if he told me I was overreacting I'd punch him again!
He might just see the light and do some hardcore serious sucking up, but for that he's going to have to admit that what he did was 100% awful first and it doesn't sound like he's done that. Stick to your guns, I'm proud of you.
Dear Spacefem,
Both my boyfriend and I are diehard feminists. The problem: his parents aren't.
In fact, they're very 50's traditional Cleaver parents. I don't know how my
boyfriend got the way he is but it's causing a huge conflict within me everytime
I see his mother cook, clean, and iron when his dad is sitting there reading!
I'm very loud while the boyfriend is quiet. Should I shut my mouth and save face
with the family or castrate the father unless he does the dishes?
Personally, I'd go through the house and hide all her cleaning supplies for a
few days and tell your father-in-law that if he doesn't clean, she'll go insane.
She might just bypass your whole operation and buy new stuff, in which case
you'll just have to keep being slightly vocal about it, but not bad enough to
make an enemy forever. Invite her over for dinner and sit and chat with her
while your boyfriend cooks for you, that's always a favorite pasttime. Cut out
little articles about women's equality and leave them strewn around the house.
You may never change her, but at least she'll accept the fact that her you and
her son are with the times.
Dear Spacefem,
My girlfriend who I love very much is saying she isn't ready to date.
She says that she can give me what I deserve. But I know she can. We've been
friends our whole lives. She says she still loves me. What should I do?
I'd leave her the hell alone. I mean, not everyone likes dating or
relationships, there's a lot of risks involved and it can be a pain in the
ass sometimes. This is especially true if the two of you are under
the age of, say, 40. There's just no need to get serious, life is much more fun
and happenin' when you're single and independent. And you also might stop
calling her your girlfriend, that could freak her out if you know what I mean
here.
Dear Spacefem,
I haven't had much luck with the dating scene and am considering using an online service to meet people. Is there one you can recommend?
Yes, I'd recommend Slashdot. You didn't think it was a dating service? On the
contrary, it's really everything... brings you news, informs you of controversy, serves as a journal, and can even hook
you up with the man of your dreams. Just follow the Spacefem Plan to Happiness and you'll be there:
1) Wait for a fresh article to come up.
2) Figure out a way that the article in question has to do with women, feminism, or equality in another format.
3) Post your clever, insightful opinion about how men are basically all stupid and technology will one day find a way
for us to no longer need them to reproduce.
4) Let the replys come in!
You should get at least 10-15 replys if you do this correctly, most of them from trolls. The trick: repeat the process
until some equally desperate loser actually agrees with you. He's the one! If it's another woman, she's the
one! Just don't be too picky, you'll find a desperate insecure computer geek mate in no time; everyone knows they make
the best parters.
Dear Spacefem,
My boyfriend obtained a copy of some Urban Terror game and I haven't seen him since. How do I get him
back?
Need I scream louder, ladies? Once you've found a fool-proof way to get rid of your man, don't complain. It's a
beatiful thing when you can get a guy to leave you the hell alone, and if it takes a game to do it, then God bless
games! I suggest you don't try to get him back, think about the consequences of that, seriously. He could actually
come back (perish the thought, I know), then you'd be stuck with him again. Ewe, just the thought makes me shudder.
Dear Spacefem,
I think my new boyfriend is a computer nerd, but I can't tell for sure. What's the secret to finding the truth?
Yes, there's nothing more shocking than finding out that a seemingly secure, happy, eligible young man is in fact nothing more than a computer geek who dressed up that night. Let me start this answer by saying that it's not bad to date a computer geek, some of them can be tolerable and even charming, but you have to be very careful so you don't get sucked in yourself. Yes, many glamourous social butterflies have been drawn to geek culture for the usual reasons (money, men, bandwidth) and before they can say "GPL" they're reduced to skinny pale system administrators who go around saying the number 42 is the meaning of life and they'd take you out if only they had their own Wookie. But first, your question, is your boyfriend a computer nerd? This should be very easy, I'd start by throwing out a few mundane statements and seeing how he responds, things like "So, I was reading slashdot the other day..." (do his eyes light up as he asks you what you thought of the new Linux software this week? then he's a geek.) or "I thought Unix was a pastry" (does he turn red and go into a thirty minute OS lecture? then he's a geek.) or my personal favorite, "Want to go tanning sometime?" (does he implode? then he's a geek.) In conclusion, the signs of geekdom are easy to spot, it's just dealing with the condition once you know it exists that's a problem. You can be smart and beautiful at the same time, it's just that after three weeks with one of these guys you might not care.
Dear Spacefem,
my boyfriend cheated on me with the skankiest girl in town. we
broke up. i miss him but im not sure if i want to take him back. i dont trust him what should i do?
Whatever you do, never go back! Run screaming from this rehab, once he's
proven his unworthyness, there's no mending that will ever happen. I know,
you miss him, but I'm sure you a strong independent woman who doesn't need
a man to survive. There are enough decent men in the world that you won't
be walking alone forever, but be sure to assert yourself whatever happens.
You're tough, don't take anybody's crap!
Dear Spacefem,
CAN I MARRY YOU?
Dear God no.
Dear Spacefem,
I have been married for 2 years and his mother never really liked me and she gives me a hard time and I feel very uncomfortable around her. Sometimes she makes comments to hurt my feelings and my husband doesn't speak up enough for me in some situations when I know his mom is so wrong. He turns it some kind of way to where she's right. I love with w all my heart. How can I make the best of this to make us all happy?
Aren't women bitches sometimes? We're competitive, scheming, jealous, and over-analytical. My theory on mothers-in-law is that their problems stem from that- no one is good enough for their son but them. Even as a feminist, I still can't always support the twisted ways of women. But, women are strong and I don't think you can change their attitudes easily, even by making her life hell. So make his life hell. Spacefem's Planet always condones blaming men for your problems. If he'd stand up to mommy, this wouldn't be a problem. Tell him you are very miserable and that it's all his fault. If this doesn't work, act miserable until he realizes its his fault. If he's afraid to talk to his mother, tell him to grow up and get some balls. Your happiness is more important than his. I don't (and this is rare) suggest leaving him. I just suggest that you make him mad. It will be good for him, trust me.
Dear Spacefem,
What causes humans to abort or redirect communication if the act of reproduction is used?
Reproduction is bad for communication because, frankly, it makes us feel stupid and stupid people aren't very talkative. At least, that's my theory. To be honest, I would have to reproduce a bit more to understand.
Dear Spacefem,
I have a crush on this girl that I have been friends with for a long time. She doesn't know, and that bothers me, but I'm afraid to tell her. I don't even know if she likes guys because there's this rumor going around that she's a lesbian. I hate keeping my true feelings a secret, but I'm afraid of ruining our friendship.
You should ask yourself seriously why you are afraid to talk to your friend. If she is a lesbian, you could get a sex change. They're easy and relatively inexpensive these days. You can even perform one yourself like that creepy guy in Silence Of The Lambs. If she's not a lesbian but rejects you anyway, you can take out your anger by supporting that rumor about her. There's nothing quite as satisfying as falsifying the sexual orientation of those who wrong you. And finally, if she agrees to go out with you, you have nothing to lose. Cool, huh? I love how these things work out.
Dear Spacefem,
My boyfriend, who is 20 years old, is very proud of his car. Just to show off, he drives fast everywhere he goes, even when he is out with me. I spend half of our dates wondering whether I will get home alive. He ran over my sister twice and killed my dog. That made me angry. I like him and everything, but his driving freaks me out!
I'm afraid you'll be Road Kill, too. Next time the speedometer creeps over the legal limit, jump ship. Nothing will teach a guy a lesson like his girlfriend leaping out of his car onto the road. Then, walk back home. If he cares about you, he'll promise never to scare you from his auto again! If not, take it as a hint that he doesn't care that much, break up with him, then go home to wash your open wounds. It sounds dangerous, but it's worth it for the sake of (a) your relationship and (b) your pets.
Dear Spacefem,
My friends are all wondering, what's the best way to end a long-term relationship?
Quickly.
Dear Spacefem,
My ex-husband won't leave me alone. We've been divorced almost a year and he still calls all the time, wanting to get back together. Since he cheated on me, I think this is crap. How do I help him get the point?
I use flaming bags of animal feces to let people know my true feelings for them, but in cases of divorce, a lot of people are uncomfortable about that. My advice is to be honest with him. Tell him it's over and that you're very happy without him. It won't keep him from thinking of you, but after a while he'll get sick of calling and hearing about how great you feel being single. And if that doesn't work, keying the words "My Ex-Wife Thinks I'm A Loser" into his car will always make you feel better.
Dear Spacefem,
I'm in love with a man I met over the internet. We have great conversations and I've don't think I've ever known anyone so well. I'm just not sure if he's worth flying half way across the country for. What do you think?
Half way across the country? Are you nuts? Show me a man who's worth driving six blocks for, I'll show you the snowcone stand I opened in hell. If he wants to show up at your door, then sure, maybe you should consider letting him in for a glass of water and a cookie or something. Otherwise, stand your ground (literally!). You never know what you'll find out there, and when it comes to men, it can't be that good.
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