Building Community
"I felt as if I had committed suicide for a good lay." April 1999
(c) Copyright 2000, AIDS Council of Northeastern New York. All rights reserved.
Randy Viele, Outreach Coordinator
This quote from the journal of an HIV-negative gay man about his feelings of guilt for having anal sex, even with a condom, stirred many feelings in me as well-along with a few questions. Can such a stigmatized community overcome the taboos that our sexual expressions (especially anal) generally elicit both from within and outside the gay community? And how can we address the specific needs of gay and bisexual men when we can hardly speak of anal sex in our own personal lives? And do we feel that if we don't acknowledge anal sex that we are somehow safe from HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)?
AIDS Council Project HOPErecently developed and distributed a survey that we had hoped would help us better understand the unique needs of the HIV-negative gay and bisexual men's communities. We were interested in these men's views on HIV and other STDs, as well as their thoughts about being HIV-negative members of the gay and bisexual communities when so much focus within those communities is placed on its HIV-positive members.
The survey was distributed at local bars and via local on-line chat rooms and bulletin boards to anonymously assess what HIV-negative gay or bisexual men value and need from their local communities. The ultimate goal of this endeavor was to provide enough insight for AIDS Council Project HOPE to develop more programming that would be of interest and value to the HIV-negative community.
Unfortunately, response to this questionnaire was very poor-which leads me to believe that many local gay and bisexual men are simply not making time to understand HIV issues in their lives.
Some responses to the survey were none too surprising:
All respondents stated that they have oral sex with other men but never use condoms when doing so. The risk, one person stated, is less than anal sex and is one that he is willing to take. He does qualify his statement, however, by further disclosing he does not take cum in his mouth.
Most participants responded that they always asked their sexual partners' HIV status before having sex, although most of them had not ever tested for HIV themselves.
On the other hand, some responses to the survey were shocking:
Most people believed that they receive enough support from the local community to help them remain HIV-negative, but still felt like they needed "lots of luck" if they were to do so themselves.
No one personally knew someone with HIV.
What a learning experience this process was for me. I believed that HIV-negative men would jump at the chance to express themselves when given a safe forum for doing so. I believed that HIV was still an issue for gay and bisexual men. I believed that rising infection rates among men who have sex with men would be enough to keep people thinking about individual risk factors as well as taking a lead in supporting one another to be as safe as they can.
However, what shocked me the most was that none of the respondents claimed to know anyone who is HIV-positive. Do they really mean that they just don't know who is and who isn't? Is it really possible that they could not know anyone living with HIV when our community, our region, our state and our world has been so hard hit by the virus? How could this be?
Is it maybe because the divisions between "us" and "them" now reach beyond all of the other well-known "ism's" to include HIV? If so, this is a big problem for all of us, as communities need cohesiveness and communications between all of their diverse members if they are to learn, grow and (most important of all) support each other. And the bottom line is that a lack of solidarity between HIV-negative and HIV-positive gay and bisexual men could ultimately create an even larger pandemic if we cannot identify with each other and learn from each other's life experiences in order to create a stronger community.
AIDS Council Project HOPE is committed to working with and helping the HIV-negative community remain HIV-negative. Negotiate safety with your sexual partners and don't be afraid to talk about the "taboos" when you do so. If you have any questions or comments, give us a call, (518) 436-3416.
"Today I will remember that AIDS is a preventable disease. Its prevention relies upon me, my sexual partner, and our commitment to practicing safer sex."
--Proud To Be
Last modified: June 7, 2002
E-mail inquiries to 