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Al Goldstein: An AVNInsider Interview Part One
I'm supposed to lead this off telling Paul Fishbein that I didn't actually do the interview. Instead, Al Goldstein ate my pussy for two hours and paid me $15. Actually, we did do the interview in his apartment in Los Angeles, the walls of which are covered with notable things that he has done in his notable life. Al Goldstein is a First Amendment advocate, the publisher of SCREW magazine and is currently involved in a suit that could really fuck with his life if it doesn't go his way. While Al and I talked, he smoked Cuban cigars, drank diet Coke and smiled a lot.
Heidi Pike-Johnson: So for those readers out there who don't know who you are...
Al Goldstein: I'm a fucking legend. I can walk on water. I can swim underwater. I can drink water. I am a fucking wonderful person. I am a Renaissance man. I'm the greatest pussy eater in the world. I am Paul Fishbein's father, no, no, no...I'm the man who opened up porn. There was no pornography industry. I basically started SCREW in 1968 when there was just nothing, a lot of embarassed people who sold nudie films. I know that all men are walking dicks and I have big balls. I'm like the Jewish Defense League. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Sex is something to be proud of. Don't walk with shame and fear. You knew that one question was all you'd have to ask...The bottom line is I was arrested 19 times and I am a fighter. I am a crusader. Paul always gives me credit. I love Paul for that. There are a lot of fighters like Russ Hampshire [VCA head] and a lot of guys make money I wish I had but I was on the East Coast and they were on the West Coast. I validated the world of sex. I shifted things from the elitism of "it's okay to have the Kama Sutra, and pornography should be $50 a book." Pornography should be available to the man on the street. Hookers and masturbation were always acceptable to rich people and I have to say I democratized pornography. I'm sorry- the interview is over...
HPJ: What have you been working on lately that you are most proud of?
AG: Survival. Because I am a target like Jerry Rubin, Abby Hoffman and Lenny Bruce all rolled into one, I'll always be a target...I'm being harassed by scumbags who loathe me because I have a big mouth and am proud to be a pornographer...I have a former secretary who may well be part of embezzling me for over $130,000. When I found out about this, I called her and left a message saying that 'you won't get away with this." In New York, the laws are so politically correct that she had me arrested. I spent 20 hours handcuffed because the DA in Brooklyn, Charlie Hynes who is a politically corrupt scumbag, wanted to play it safe. I am his worst nightmare. I want to destroy this scumbag, not physically. The most violence I have is my mouth. What I am proud of is my tenacity, my warrior ways. I am a warrior. Thirty-three years after I started SCREW I am still here and I take no prisoners. I am a fighting machine. I don't apologize. When I started SCREW, Jews would ask me to use a fake name. I would say "You fucking kike bastards! I'm proud to be a pornographer. Should I be some doctor who hates women? Should I be some lawyer?" I don't need respectability. I have respect for myself and my own pride. So this DA Hynes had me handcuffed...
HPJ: Why were you handcuffed?
AG: Because Hynes hates me. This DA had me arrested, had me handcuffed because he hates me. He wants to prove that he's protecting women. So every week in SCREW, I'm going to have 'Hynes takes it up the ass' and 'Hynes is a piece of shit'. I'm going to be my own lawyer. Even if I lose this case, the law is so vague about this [the harassment statutes] that I am going to have it declared unconstitutional. It's very important to me that Hynes know that he is in the fight of his life. I am his worst nightmare. I will destroy fucking Hynes. My 50 expert witnesses include Larry Flynt, Bob Guccione, Penn Gillette of Penn & Teller...I will destroy this scumbag. I am a 66 year old man. I'm a handicapped diabetic. I would not threaten anybody, physically. With my mouth, yes. For this man to put me behind bars, how dare he? How dare he? This whole thing makes me feel alive again because I am a warrior. So many people in the pornography business walk in fear. I buried [former President Richard] Nixon, I buried the attorney general of that period, [John] Mitchell. For me, pornography is not about fucking.
It's about political speech and I love the colorful characters in the business. Ron Jeremy is a cock with a big appetite. He will go from table to table. He is a walking mouth in search of a buffet table. He never met a meal he didn't like. This new movie about him [Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy] is colorful and all of the characters in the business are wonderful. I'm amazed that Ronnie can earn a living. That Ronnie can get laid is amazing. When they say that anatomy is destiny, it's true with Ronnie. Forty-eight year old hairy fucking ugly Jew that gets laid...If someone did not yell "action", Ronnie would not get laid. I love Ronnie because he is a fucking garbage pail. And yet, that fat pile of garbage has to be nude in front of a camera. If there is a God, I am an atheist, God has been kind to him, giving him a big dick that works all the time. It's like old faithful spraying sperm. Ronnie is amazing. That's what I love about this business- that this ugly hairy manatee who only wants to be cuddled, who is lonely and dysfunctional with no heart can make a living. At least he's not like Bill Clinton who I hate because even though he was fucking that little fat JAP, he was pro-censorship. He censored the Internet and he got SCREW out of PXs. PXs are waiting stations for men going off to war. So I hate the redneck, trailer park mentality of Bill Clinton who also never ate the pussy of Monica Lewinsky so he is a selfish scumbag. Ronnie will eat some pussy. He's always good to drop a load. His death grip on his dick- he is always a joy.
I love this business so the bottom line for the people on this business is that people in this business should be proud that the fulfill a need. Every man has no brain. All he wants to do is shoot a load.
Thankfully, the women in this business are not exploited. They are feeding off of the pathetic fantasies of men...You know the men, Heidi. The men are exploited. The men are morons. The men may go to topless clubs and call the women "cunts," but the women look at the men and call them "wallets". So it's a Quid pro quo and I know you are smart enough to know what that means. Some of male readers may think it's a new sexual position but that's okay.
HPJ: Can you tell me about the woman who initiated the most recent proceeding against you?
AG: She [Jennifer Lozinsky] was an elitist Jew who felt that her cunt did not smell from fish and yet as soon as she walked in my office, I heard the tune "The Shrimp Boats Are Coming." She was a typical elitist cunt who thought that her shit didn't stink. She disapproved of me and I had her assistant indicted. He did steal money. The law in New York is so stupid that if she hears the words, "I'll take you down" and she is afraid -- even though there is no objective reality to this, she can call the police and have me arrested. When you look it up, there are 31 meanings of, "I'll take you down." Why did she take the meaning, "He's going to hurt me?" That's why I'm going to win the case. One of the meanings could be "I want to go down on you." In the last Marlon Brando film, the term "I'll take you down," means, "You're not going to get away with it." So the DA being a political scumbag and a rubber, a condom that I will destroy. I use the words "I'll take you down," on him every week in SCREW. How come he hasn't had me arrested for threatening him? Because it isn't a threat... There has to be a relationship between threat and reality. I have four ex-wives and none of them have ever sought an order of protection. A threat should be connected to the source... Since I am the most harmless person in the world who is also the most frightened human being, why would I threaten a pathetic woman with violence when it wasn't even a threat? Saying "You won't get away with it," isn't a threat in the context of being robbed for $130,000. C'mon, Heidi, shoot me some hard questions. You have been throwing me marshmallows. Is there anything I have said that you have disagreed with?
HPJ: No, not a damn thing. It's funny because I expected to. The way that you communicate is with a lot of fire.
AG: To get attention, yeah.
HPJ: But there's nothing that I have had a problem with. It's been very common sense stuff, I think.
AG: I say it to get attention. I would rather use the words "kike" and "cunt" rather than "Jew" and "woman." There's such a plethora of words you can use to get attention.
HPJ: Why do you need attention?
AG: So the message cuts through the clatter. So someone will listen. I have always been involved with or married to women who are smarter than me, strong women. It's very hard to get your message across, so hyperbole is a way to get people to listen. I exaggerate. I am a First Amendment absolutist and I believe that the Nazis have the right to communicate their message in Skokie, Ill. and every absurd position has the right to be presented. In England they have Hyde Park where there is a soapbox where everyone has the right to stand on that soapbox -- you want all voices heard, not with guns or bayonettes. You know, all dictatorships burn books. I don't want a world of such purity where there is only one voice heard. The word dithyrambic means shattering rhythms and that's what I want- deafening sounds. I like the idea of 200 channels and then we pick and choose and filter. I like shrill voices.
HPJ: What do you think your voice sounds like?
AG: A madman but that's okay because some people it reaches and they say, "He makes sense," and the people who aren't interested just filter me out as a loudmouth crazy Jew. That's all I am to some and that's okay. Isn't that okay?
Part two of this interview will run here tomorrow.
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