Web Bollocks: Redneck Hunting Bastards
Posted by Gary
24th Apr 02

Looking for some bad websites I came across this beauty. It's a bad site alright, but it's not the fact I had to wait ages for photos to download that worried me.

This, my friends, is the rack of DEATH!

Yes, the rack of DEATH!

Wow, that sure is a disgusting rack of dead animals you got there, sir. The guy who does all this shit is called Mike DiSalvo and he lives up in some forrest in Iowa. And his sad life consists of hunting down innocent animals such as foxes, 'coons etc. (I'm surprised he hasn't joined the KKK and hunted some niggers yet!) And not a mullet to be seen in this redneck family. There are always dissapointments but you have to live with them. The abundance of photos of dead animals on this site makes up for it though. I made a scene in my cartoon the Blue Blob 2 where the Blob rips opens someones rib cage and pulls out his heart, but seeing all these dead animals sickened even me.

Roadkill, baby!

This guy has many a tale to tell. I swear there are fuckin thousands of photos of dead naimals on this site that he has accumulated over the years. This guy must... must have some real sick fetish going on. He will not let the tradition stop! He's now got his young kids "trapping" too.

When I's grownd up I's gonna be jus' like my pa!

He's telling his kids that killing these poor little buggers is good. He makes money out of 'em, so what? Doesn't he realise he's fucknig with the forrest's ecosystem (not that this redneck would know what that meant).

Is it me, or is this little kid holding a fucking GUN???

Mr. DiSalvo must have some weird voices going through his head... his strange fetishes inherited from his father (he must have seen him arse-raping a poor beaver in the shed). His kids have inherited it too! They seem to have a little bit too much interested in stinking animal cadavers.

He masturbated the gun barrel whilst saying to me "Daddy says he likes the feel of cold steel on his tight ass!"

I don't want to turn this into some rant about fox hunting, after all you want to laugh, right? I'm gonna try my best to keep this one light hearted. But seeing a rack of dead animals does make me feel a little queesy.

I'll get you next time, Gadget... next time!!!

This classic site has the afformentioned gargantuan photo album, so trapping tips, some anecdotes about past seasons and some mighty fine recipes! Mmmmm.... I just love the taste of racoon on a Sunday!

Here we have someone "stunning" a fox. More like hitting it over the head with a fucking stick but I suppose you could call it "stun"...

There was one photo I saw of him holding his little baby... next to... you guessed it, a dead animal. Man, that kid is gonna have serious issues...

This man was bald before he started hunting foxes...

This was a conversation I had with the dude himself. Please note that gazsk8punk is an old name (I no longer skate or listen to punk rock... apart from Pennywise).

gazsk8punk: hello?
m_a_disalvo: hello
gazsk8punk: is that mike?
m_a_disalvo: yes who ar eyou?
gazsk8punk: i visited your website
m_a_disalvo: you did eh?
m_a_disalvo: and?
gazsk8punk: you have a nice beaver
gazsk8punk: you got a nice rack too
m_a_disalvo: no racks on my site pal
gazsk8punk: your rack of dead animals
gazsk8punk: smelly dead animals
m_a_disalvo: oh so you visited the photopage
gazsk8punk: yes
m_a_disalvo: look if you want to rag on me fo rtrapping stop beating aropund the bush
gazsk8punk: do you get off on animals?
gazsk8punk: i mean do you have sex with them and shit
gazsk8punk: why else would you have so many dead animals
m_a_disalvo: no why do you?
gazsk8punk: erm no
gazsk8punk: i stick to humans
m_a_disalvo: I like the money i get from thier pelts
gazsk8punk: i had sex with a donkey once, but thats a whole other story i;d rather forget
gazsk8punk: so you make money out of killing animals eh?
m_a_disalvo: yeah good idea
m_a_disalvo: yep same as the butcher the shoes maker, the wallet and purse maker
gazsk8punk: butchers sell food
gazsk8punk: not fur
gazsk8punk: most shoes and wallets are synthetic too
m_a_disalvo: still have to kill it to use the meat
gazsk8punk: but anyway
m_a_disalvo: and I do eat a good many of the animals I catch
gazsk8punk: you like guns?
m_a_disalvo: nope leather for good ones
m_a_disalvo: yep
m_a_disalvo: own just a few for hunting though
gazsk8punk: doi you like the feeling of the cold steel against your tight anus?
m_a_disalvo: and a few 22's for targets
m_a_disalvo: no do you?
gazsk8punk: nah
gazsk8punk: just you seem to be into kinky shit, like animals and guns and stuff
gazsk8punk: must make your dick smell, with all the animal ass fucking and stuff
m_a_disalvo: how are animals and guns kinky?
m_a_disalvo: grow up kid
gazsk8punk: so you're teaching your kids to trap too?
gazsk8punk: they're a bit to young for animal sex don't you think?
gazsk8punk: they gotta learn about how babies are made first
gazsk8punk: i see a photo of one of your kids holding a gun... looks like he's enjoying it... it looks as if he's masturbating the gun...
gazsk8punk: i would think that your wife/sister was a little angry at you for cheating on her with animals
gazsk8punk: not just animals, dead animals
gazsk8punk: you there mr disalvo?
gazsk8punk: ello?
gazsk8punk: those poor animals
gazsk8punk: you realise you're damaging the forrest's ecosystem?
gazsk8punk: of course, you wouldnt know what an ecosystem is. i forget that rednecks have a very low IQ
gazsk8punk: hello?
gazsk8punk: chicken shit

UPDATE: I emailed him also, to tell him about this very article that you are reading. He responded as follows:

Mr. Short,
You must have a very boring home life if you take the time to bash a sport you know nothing about.

And here's my response:

Ha! Who has the boring homelife if he feels the need to go out and kill harmless animals for "sport". You sicken me.

I have a feeling that I may have to update this article a couple more times as this develops. Watch this space!

You can check out his wonderful site at the following URL: http://www.geocities.com/m_a_disalvo/index.html

Happy trappin'!