Are You A Linguist

1. Linguistics is about:

   (a) learning foreign languages.
   (b) learning correct grammar.
   (c) the systematic, scientific investigation of the nature of language as a product of the human mind/brain.
   (d) fonts.

2. Which of these sentences is the worst?

   (a) *This is the quiz my friend laughs while I do.
   (b) I ain't got no prepositions what I can end me sentence with.
   (c) The horse raced by the barn fella past the Barn Fell and up the next Fell fell, Phil.
   (d) *Colourless green ideas sleep furiously.

3. When you saw the asterisks in the last question, what did you do?

   (a) Assumed native speaker intuitions had judged the construction in question to be ungrammatical.
   (b) Looked down the page for a footnote.
   (c) Assumed the examples were reconstructed from an earlier stage of the language.
   (d) I always preferred Tintin, anyway.

4. What is Prof. Noam Chomsky most famous for?

   (a) Unamerican activities.
   (b) Defining the key domains of investigation for a truly scientific linguistic programme.
   (c) Creating an oppressive orthodoxy of counterintuitive, unscientific theoretical dogma.
   (d) Writing the B-side of a single by top indie guitar band, Bad religion.

5. A colleague offers you a copy of Chomsky's latest linguistic work to peruse. What do you do?

   (a) Say, "Gnome what?"
   (b) Refuse to even contemplate such specious formalist nonsense.
   (c) Eagerly accept and immediately read, analyse and believe every word of it.
   (d) Give a knowing, sceptical look and casually express an interest. Then read, analyse and believe every word of it.

6. What does 'GB' stand for?

   (a) Great Britain
   (b) Golf Bag
   (c) Gyles Brandreth
   (d) Principles and Parameters

7. What does 'IPA' stand for?

   (a) International Phonetic Alphabet
   (b) International Phonetic Association
   (c) Inflectional Phrasal Argument
   (d) India Pale Ale

8. Which of the following is the most appropriate analogy for human language?

   (a) a biological organ, like the heart or lungs
   (b) a code for passing messages
   (c) a bottlebrush
   (d) a 3-course meal

9. Your friend, who studies Physics, is telling you about his/her research. Do you...

   (a) invite the tedious little sadster to shut up?
   (b) discuss enthusiastically, using phrases like "As a fellow scientist..." as often as possible?
   (c) listen, then offer an incisive critique of his/her methodology and reasoning?
   (d) as (b), all the time desperately hoping you won't reveal that you failed general science O-grade?

10. Given a regular salary, research grant or funding at the expense of the tax payer or your parents, with what luxury good would you indulge yourself?

    (a) chocolate
    (b) satellite TV
    (c) a haircut and a new razor
    (d) noodles

11. How much is a cup of filter coffee in the Linguistics common room?

    (a) Free.
    (b) Well, it is free isn't it?
    (c) What? Oh. Er, about 5 or 6p then?
    (d) 25p.

12. Approximately how many languages are there in the world?

    (a) c. 4000
    (b) c.5000
    (c) Probably somewhere between 5 & 6 thousand, of which approximately 50% are OV and 50% VO.
    (d) The question is irrelevant.

13. Which of the following are branches of linguistics?
    Choose as many as you like.

    (i) Syntax
    (ii) Phonology
    (iii) Psychology
    (iv) Biology
    (v) Phonetics
    (vi) Semantics

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