Frances
Hai-Hwa Wang is the mother of two Eurasian daughters. She interviewed
many interracial couples with children of partial Asian descent for this
collection of parenting tips, concerns and insights. This article was
originally published on IMDiversity.com,
where Wang is a contributing editor.
By
Frances Kai-Hwa Wang
March
2003
While
flipping through TV channels one night, we came across a typical PBS documentary
on San Francisco's Chinatown: shots of people walking down the crowded
streets, lunch at an elegant dim sum restaurant, backstage in the steamy
noisy kitchen, buying Chinese vegetables at a corner market, etc. My two
and three year old girls, Hao Hao and Mango, were absolutely mesmerized:
"What is that place? There are so many Chinese people."
When I told them it was Chinatown, my three year old, Mango, promptly
responded, "We should live there! But not Daddy, because he's
American." When their father tried to explain that they were American
too, not to mention parts Romanian/Scottish/German, they giggled in disbelief
and then became really upset: "No! We're Chinese!"
I
realized that they have no idea that they are multiracial. Part of this
is simply because they are girls and identify more strongly with their
mother, who is Chinese American. But part of this is also a sign that
there is much more to parenting multiracial children than just raising
them. Like many young parents, I am concerned about doing it "right,"
and I [hope to] spare them the insecurities of my own youth growing up
as a minority in America. However, none of the parenting books I rely
on so heavily ever discuss this issue; what literature I do find is largely
about parenting African American and Caucasian multiracial children, which
has different issues. So I began to interview a number of parents of part-Asian
multiracial children across the country and Canada. The parents interviewed
were interracial couples where one partner is ethnically Chinese, Japanese,
or Filipino; they were immigrants and American-born; they were married
to both immigrant Europeans and American-born Caucasians; they were parents
of children aged 3 to 33; and they lived in Michigan, California, and
Ontario.
Their
viewpoints on this subject were as varied as the children themselves,
and they varied along many lines: Parents of now-grown children had different
concerns than parents of young children today; immigrants and American-born
had very different perspectives; and of course the temperaments and interests
of individual parents and children were important factors, too. Here are
some suggestions and ideas from a number of parents of part-Asian multiracial
children. See what makes sense for you and your family.
Cultural
Heritage
Most parents interviewed believed it was important to teach the children
about both parents' cultural heritages. Stay-at-home mom Donna Tien-Hurter,
a Chinese immigrant from Taiwan who is married to a Swiss man and now
lives outside of Toronto, Canada, said, "It's a lot of work. You
have to do a lot of research to know the other parent's culture, especially
if he is not around as much as you are." She says that despite the
expense, she takes her daughter to Taiwan and to Switzerland on alternate
years. Keep close to grandparents, relatives, and other people from that
country, she advises. Expose them to music and stories and pictures.
Create
an interest. When they are older they can always learn more. Retired doctor
Maria Dohi of Sherman Oaks, California, who immigrated from Spain to do
her residency in the 60's, said that her children were naturally sensitive
to the interests of their Spanish-born mother and Nisei Japanese-American
father: "When my son, Gregory, was at Harvard, he took some courses
and now knows more than I do about Spanish light opera, as well as early
art in Japan."
For
the American-born parent, it is also important to research one's own culture
and Asian American history to fill in the gaps of what one may or may
not have learned directly from family and experience, and to place oneself
and one's child into a larger context.
Parents
could also take a further step to learn and teach their child about other
Asian cultures. Japanese-American graphic designer Lori Saginaw's own
upbringing was very ethnocentrically Japanese, and she was surprised to
realize how little she knew about other Asian cultures. These days, however,
multiculturalism is in vogue. "(My teenage children) are now fourth-generation
multiracial people in a multiracial culture," says Saginaw, "but
I want them to feel a kinship with people of other Asian backgrounds.
Make an effort to cross into those other cultures and go out of your way
to meet people of other Asian cultures. There is a true richness and breadth
to being Asian which is very complicated with lots of crossing over boundaries."
Language
Language is an important part of maintaining cultural and family ties
(as well as future career opportunities). Many parents send their children
to language school and to grandparents to learn more languages. Language
will allow the children easier access and entry into the Asian community,
which will always have many multilingual people and those who do not speak
English so well.
My
husband Dennis and I send our toddlers to the only Chinese daycare in
Ann Arbor, Michigan, even though it is on the opposite side of town, just
so the children can hear more Chinese and be with Chinese people. Even
before our eldest, Mango, turned three she was signed up for Chinese language
school. Dennis has been learning Chinese alongside his two daughters so
that they can all communicate as a family; he jokes, however, that the
children surpassed him within weeks of learning their first words, and
that his in-laws laugh because he only knows baby words.
Find
Others
Surround yourselves with other multiracial people. College math instructor
Shirley Ling, who is Chinese raised in Taiwan and the Philippines, says
that her children had a very hard time living in her husband Olov Lindberg's
native Sweden because it was such a homogeneous society, but since moving
to southern California, "It's like paradise. Nobody raises an eyebrow
because you're mixed. We go everywhere and it doesn't matter. It's more
socially acceptable. We had a neighborhood block party and realized that
every couple on our street was mixed." Her now-teenage children used
to be the only people (in all of Sweden, it seemed) that had black hair,
but now in southern California, "everyone has black hair." She
says they fit in and feel better about themselves.
Lori
Saginaw takes it a step further: "Expose your kids to many different
types of people through drama, books, playgroup. This helps children who
don't typically see themselves reflected on TV, at least not around here
(Michigan)."
Prepare
for Racism
Unfortunately, it is also important to prepare multiracial children for
the inevitable racial taunts that they will encounter. Lori Saginaw suggests,
"Share stories of racism and prejudice so that they know it's not
new, they're not alone, it happens to everyone, and that it happens out
of ignorance and from people who can't see past their own perspectives.
You can't really shield them from it, but if you give them the tools to
deal with it and a level of comfort with people of all colors, that will
give them a sense of comfort in the world, a strong sense of who they
are, and respect for everyone else."
Prejudice can manifest itself as early as preschool, so children need
to be given the tools to know how to deal with it and to know that they
can go to their parents about it. Maria Dohi says that there are universal
lessons to be learned from injustice-about good and bad, and how injustice
happens in all countries, even in more homogenous ones like her own Spain.
Identity
Ultimately, all of this is aimed at helping children form a strong sense
of identity and pride in themselves as individuals. It is about helping
the children feel secure and comfortable with themselves in our world.
Now, how one does this is the tricky part and really depends on the family
involved. Some parents foster in their children a sense that they are
true international citizens, belonging to three countries (mom's, dad's,
and America). Others say they are true Americans, multiracial in a country
of many races. Some say that they are half one ethnicity and half another.
Others say that they are fully both ethnicities. Hawaiians group them
together as Hapas. At some level, it is just a matter of semantics. But
for children creating a place for themselves in the world, the exact semantics
can be critical. The only thing that is certain is that because they are
born in America, they are American and they are changing the face of America.
Lori
Saginaw tells her children that being multiracial is a gift, an asset,
and a privilege. It allows them to cross a lot of boundaries. "You
have a key to a door that most people are going to have to work very hard
to know even exists. You are a child of two ethnicities so you have twice
what other people have. You are not burdened with only one perspective,
which is hard to see past. You can look at things more than one way because
you come from more than one way."
What
did you think? Discuss this article.
About
the Author
Frances
Kai-Hwa Wang is a second-generation Chinese American from California now
living in Ann Arbor, Michigan. She has worked in anthropology and international
development in Nepal, and in the nonprofit sector in Michigan. She is
now the Financial and Marketing Director of a small business start-up
called Two Wheel Tango, as well as the contributing editor for Asian-American
Village.
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