I'm not going to hide anything here - I'm as straight as a 12 inch ruler. The very thought of homosexual relations makes me want to vomit, and there is no way I'd let a guy near to my [ perhaps we'd better not put that word in - Jim ].
But I reckon that just like loads of other guys, I still want to be gay. I mean, face it: gay men are just SO cool. Even if some straight boys aren't interested in sneaking a glance at the other guys in the shower room after football, they're still envious of gay guys. I mean, look at the evidence:
- Style - okay, so it can be a bit poofy, but gay men take so much pride in their appearence (a friend of mine who came out to me a couple of years ago spends more time in the bathroom than my sister - now that's impressive).
- Socialising - girls love gay men. Well, not literally, but they relax more with gay men because they know they aren't going to try anything on. And before you know it, gay men and girls are having giggly 'girly' conversations about deep intimate secrets behind your back. If it wasn't quite so complicated afterwards, I reckon "I'm gay." would be a pretty cool chat up line.
- Clubbing - promise you won't tell my mates, but it took just one night out at Heaven in London for me to be converted. Although I still can't quite handle the 100% hi-NRG atmosphere of G-A-Y, I love the atmosphere in gay clubs. It's relaxed, there's no hostility and people just enjoy themselves (plus you get to see cute lesbians snogging, but I guess you probably don't understand why I like that).
- Movies and TV - Queer as Folk, This Life, Attatchments, Gimme Gimme Gimme, plus a whole cable TV channel.... I mean how many more gay people are there on TV? And that scene by the snowman in Billy Elliot? I actually cried!
- Lifestyle - see above. Ok, so your life may not be quite so exciting as the gay people on TV, but gay people always seem to be having so much more fun, with so few commitments... how is that possible? I don't really care, I just want to join in!
- The Pink Pound - why are all the gay people I seem to hear about rich and successful (media types usually...) does the gay gene make you more successful businessmen?
Maybe I'm just being a bit stupid, but at the end of the day, I envy you guys. Once you've sorted out the kind of nasty bit about coming out, you have so many more oppurtunities, more fun and more style!
Don't tell my girlfriend, but I kind of wish I fancied guys :-)
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