Kevin Killian

Probability Zero

Talking to my friend Emily, whose drinking

the corpses change but the party goes on forever,

flat tax soars while it's true, I haven't yet seen vaccine

In the interim he's puffing up, like a large green bullfrog

on the lily pad of the hospice, wet eyes yellow and glaucous

burning holes through the visitor

Probability zero, but don't let a sordid fatalism

give you that Monica Lewinsky fifth amendment

until there's a cure, but from what deep pockets

does the money appear    When you're sick, the last

thing in the world is

Fit, the false falls into place, but sick

I don't know, but an erratic passion blows into our world

and I forget your name,

I don't know, where was I when everyone else I know

was getting bushwhacked, the bullshit of Clinton

In America, the probability's zero, -- like weather,

like the inane weathermen on Tv who tell you a

hot front and a cold front are moving into

a clearing, where I could be my "self,"

rituation normal

all fucked up, rnafu, or a "system is moving in"

and we're supposed to feign interest or terror

while "watching" the "weather"

as years ago Tim died, the man who, whom

I once thought the FALCON MALTESE of sophisticated

and he did not love me but I was not worthy

His black glasses shiny like something alive,

the way that men do,

the way cattle do. He had a vision

I longed to share. His body was not so

pre

possessing. Probability zero that I would live

and he, Tim, his student ID the cover on his book,

would study death before I got to do him

I like felt this stab in my head

a red explosion of blood vehicles, brain flack,

infinitely painful as little by little he

always integral to my sense of myself

as a possible poet began to disintegrate

away across the wide border red ribbon swath of the US

away from me and, in time,

away from kissing him 1979

ten minutes later he spotted a rainbow

even then hoary cliche of gay experiential camaraderie

but, yikes, real thin ribbon over Brooklyn

Look away, look away

this stormy river
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx from "Argento Series"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx after Tim Dlugos and in his memory


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