KJP'S MEDIUM RARE RAW REPORT #14
Date: 1/9/95 Taping date: 1/9/95 Site: The Summit, Houston, TX.
Hosts: Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels.
Well, what can you say. Shawn's back home again, the Houston fire
department's on full alert, and Monday Night Raw is two years old. And
somehow, all seems well with the world.
Shawn Michaels surprises no one by picking the King of Harts to win the
IC belt from Razor Ramon tonight, but Vince surprises a little by not
disagreeing too much with Shawn's prediction. Hmm...
Meanwhile, Jerry Lawler has as his guest, not Bret Hart ("who's here in
a different capacity..."), but Captain Kirk himself, William Shatner.
In pre-recorded comments, Shatner flatly states that he's appearing for
one reason only, to plug his new show, and he's darned if he's going to
let anyone stop him.
Razor Ramon (the champion enters first?) vs. Owen Hart
Owen starts off matters by grabbing the raised belt from the official,
then hoisting it himself, as if he were the titleholder. Razor tells
Owen precisely what he thinks of that in the form of a short-arm
clothesline, and we're off, and happily, not with a drawn-out series of
lockups. Razor picks up the belt intending to lay into Owen with it,
but the referee alertly snatches the belt away. So Razor instead whips
Owen into a back body drop, then clotheslines him outside. Shawn
Michaels makes mention of a "No Holds Barred" match between Owen and
Bret coming up, but doesn't get into when this is scheduled before Owen
slingshots Razor off the ropes, then climbs up to the top turnbuckle.
Way too early for that stuff, unless you happen to have at least three
digits in your name, and Razor duly pulls Owen down. Owen retreats,
but Razor closes in, slugs him, and gives him the Six-Inch Cross-Corner
Whip(TM) (so named because that's how far the announcers always say the
ring moves as a result). Then another, which bounces Owen flat on his
back in the center of the ring for 2. Owen reverses the next whip
fairly weakly, then attacks the ringpost behind Razor with his
shoulder. Michaels keeps the atmosphere a little off-balance by
chipping in a few words of respect for Razor. The match enters a rest
hold phase under the pretense of Razor working on Owen's injured
shoulder; in the interim, Razor seems to have a problem with Owen's
hair -- like he's one to talk. Owen gives himself a little airplane
ride trying to reach a rope, then for no reason goes prone on the mat
allowing Ramon to dig in further. Next week's matchup is now revealed
to be the complement to today's match: Bret Hart vs. Jeff Jarrett.
Razor unleashes an impressive looking power move which the camera
unfortunately didn't do justice to. Owen flips around a bit and
finally gets out of the arm twist, only to run into a clothesline a few
moments later for 2. Razor tries the arm twist routine again, but this
time Owen finds a rope. Razor settles for a few stomps, then lifts
Owen over his head, but Owen lands on his feet behind Razor, slaps him,
backs into the ropes, then ducks a clothesline and on the next pass
leaps into Razor's waiting arms. After contemplating a few moments,
Razor tosses Owen over his head again, and signals for the Edge. Razor
gets into position, but Owen is able to striaghten up sending Razor
flying outside. Owen then decides to take a shot at making this a ****
match, by diving through the ropes for a cross-body block on Razor.
Owen sends Razor back in and heads for the top turnbuckle again. This
time he hits another cross-body block, but momentum carries him over
and it is Razor who gets the two-count. That the new signal for the ad
break, but Owen gets in a dropkick before we fade out.
-- ad break --
As per the usual custom, it's been all heel during the break. Owen with
two Six-Inch Whips(TM), then a boot to the midsection, caught, followed
without hesitation by the other foot to the head. Cover for 2. Some
more rope action (what's the point, rope burns?), while Vince McMahon
mentions that Bret Hart and Jeff Jarrett are in attendance and will be
appearing shortly, if you know what he means. Owen with that flying
sit move the Big Boss Man always used to do for 2 before Razor's foot
finds the rope. Owen rakes Razor's back, which gets Razor going for a
minute with a few blows, but Owen stops that with another
hard-to-classify move, sort of a dropkick with the calves, for 2. The
announcers break with convention, making a football reference on a
night without Monday Night Football. Owen with... the reverse
chinlock. You'd think Owen might know better. On the elbow out, Owen
with a cross-body that didn't quite have everything on it for 2.
Sideways knee drop for 2. A weak uppercut, then Owen sends Razor for
the ride, and this time attaches a bone fide sleeper. Razor only falls
to his knees, though, before the power surge, culminating in Razor
picking up Owen, then letting everything go, including himself. Razor
pulls himself to his knees first, and covers for 2. Owen rises and
calls a technical on Razor. Razor, now in control, performs the
"I-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine". Then the two of them lock in
a brief hip-toss battle, Owen flips into an advantage, but Razor stuffs
it with a throat slam. Razor sets Owen on the top turnbuckle, but
Owen, quite at home up there, gives Razor an elbow. Then Razor holds
really still while Owen somersaults down his back, and Owen picks up
Razor and drops him outside, letting him feel the ropes on his way out.
Razor gets right back in to recieve a dropkick from the top turnbuckle
from Owen, whereupon Owen signals for the Edge. Then Owen remebers who
he is and instead goes for the sharpshooter. After a few anxious
moments, Owen gets the sharpshooter set in, looks up and sees the face
of his brother Bret staring right back. Bret's arm quickly follows,
and the resulting clothesline quickly ends this match in a
disqualification. Thank you, Houston, you've been a wonderful crowd.
Bret really lays into Owen, and meanwhile JJ, ever the opportunist,
notices that there's an Intercontinental champion lying around that no
one seems to want. So he picks him up and gives him a good hot meal of
ringpost. Then he notices there's a madman in pink and black currently
tearing into a good friend of his, so he dives into the ring for what
looks suspiciously like a "save", except that's a term only applicable
to faces. Owen escapes, but then Razor completely forgets how badly
he's hurt, and enters for a little game of ping-Jarrett with the
Hitman. Jarrett eventually gets out of there and into the loving arms
of his roadie.
You know, two weeks ago, I mentioned, after a brief moment of anxiety,
that Bret Hart's status as a face was secure. Now I'm not so sure.
Today he was very much the heel, and if not for a detour to damage a
rival, Jarrett would have performed standard-issue Lex Luger save,
though admittedly a rather ineffective one. Meanwhile, Owen righted a
past wrong by winning cleanly a match he had to win by screwjob eight
months previous. Geez, you take one step south of the Mason-Dixon line
and the whole world turns upside down.
Todd Pettengill with his thoughts along the above lines, and your Royal
Rumble report. First new thing is the roadie's face in the RR/JJ
picture. Diesel, in his interview, is more upbeat this time, and drops
a vague hint that Bret might have "changed". No rundown of the list of
Rumble entrants, partially due to time constraints, and partially due
to the fact that they're having a really rough time getting 30 warm
bodies together for this thing. It's really kind of sad, because this
seems to happen every year. But it's always fun guessing who they're
going to dig up...
-- ad break --
Lawler threatens Shatner. Why? Don't ask.
Hakushi (w/Doink-san) vs. Matt Hardy
Hardy tries to steal some of the newcomer's thunder by opening with a
backflip over Hakushi's head, but Hakushi will have none of it.
Michaels has his theories about the origin of all the writing on his
body, but I think he just ran afoul of one of Tokyo's notorious
graffiti gangs. The fact that all that writing might not be
sweat-proof might explain why this match terminated in a mere 65
seconds with a slingshot over the ropes. For the second time in a
month, we have the confused sound of a crowd uninformed as to how to
react to the winning wrestler, but I think I detected a few voluntary
boos from the more jingoistic factions of the crowd.
-- promotional considerations --
Oh, and in case you've forgotten, William Shatner's got this new series
that makes its USA network premiere right after Raw...
-- ad break --
King's Court. For some reason, Lawler thinks Bret Hart is responsible
for this special guest appearance of Shatner. Yeah, that must be it.
Definitely couldn't have anything to do with the board of the USA
network, uh-uh. Anyway, the King actually warms up quite well to
Shatner face-to-face, but when Bill declines to do likewise, Lawler
quickly loses his sunny disposition. Lawler is finally goaded into
giving Shatner a little wrestling demonstration. Tossing a "watch
this" aside to Vince, Lawler proceeds to sell a hammerlock and some
sort of foot-toss-flop that was completely obscured by the King's robes
-- probably just as well. Out comes Bret Hart to declare Shatner the
winner of this interview by countout. Jarrett and the roadie show up
to complain about something; Hart invites them inside, but they prefer
to stand outside, yell, and point aimlessly. To each his own.
-- ad break --
Oh, how cute, Pamela Anderson's got 30 messages on her answering
machine. But one of those messages is from Diesel, who is definitely
not in the Rumble. So who missed out?
King Kong Bundy vs. Gary Sabaugh
Don't blink. Bundy apparently wants to make sure he doesn't miss
Tekwar, as he polishes off the Italian in 25 seconds, and doesn't even
bother the referee about the five-count. He then spends nearly as much
time yelling incohorenly at Michaels, something about a difference of
opinion over the winner the the Rumble.
-- promotional considerations --
While the Kid selflessly sacrifices himself in an effort to distract
the opposition, Bob "Buddy" Holly scores the pin with an impressive
looking move off the top turnbuckle.
Well, that's pretty much it for the wrestling today, as we now go to
Howard Finkel, in a coaching session with, oh bugger, the Bushwackers.
Wippleman is similarly in conference with Well Dunn. McMahon: "You
don't want to miss this, or then again, maybe you do." Man, if McMahon
can't give a 100% endorsement of a match, this is definitely a time to
-- ad break --
Kama's still coming to the WWF. And still riding that motorcycle.
Guys, this is a role model of masculinity for all of us. He's been
riding around for two weeks now, looking for the WWF, and he still
won't ask for directions. This is one man who doesn't play by the
rules, and that goes double for yellow lines.
Again, McMahon gives a less-than-ringing endorsement of this match.
Folks, this just doesn't happen...
Harvey Wippleman (w/Well Dunn) vs. Howard Finkel (w/the Bushwackers)
As the two combtants begin to grapple, only then does Vince McMahon
spell out the horrible truth: the object of the match is to "disrobe
your opponent". How far, you ask? Well, from what I could stand to
watch, each combattant wears a red undergarment beneath the tuxedo, to
serve as a warning to the opponent, "do not attempt to declothe beyond
this point under penalty of getting bumped into a later timeslot".
Also, apparently shoes and socks do not need to be removed. Those are
the rules of a Tuxedo Match. And with that, my curiosity is very much
satisfied, and I can safely cover my eyes for the duration.
On the plus side, the Bushwackers don't get involved in the match as
far as I saw. They were probably just as stunned as everyone else.
For the record, the match was over in about 2:40, and Finkel was
declared the winner by the margin of a bowtie and a cummerbund.
Wippleman, apparently, thought he had won the match, a mistaken belief
caused by the fact that he was not wearing his glasses. It is in this
respect, that Wippleman must be considered a very lucky man indeed.
Upon donning his spectacles, Wippleman immediately leaves the area,
another stroke of luck, as the Bushwackers and Finkel go on for quite
some time, and Shawn Michaels teeters on the brink of becoming
violently ill, and I have to think Vince McMahon must surely be
averting his eyes...
Next week: Bret Hart, with William Shatner in his corner, against Jeff
-- ad break --
Michaels taunts the crowd, Vince and Shawn fret some more about Bret
Hart, and Jarrett and the roadie come out for their third pointless
cameo in forty-five minutes. The usual threats, and well, like so much
of this week's show, not much to show for it. Sad, really.